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October 16, 2004

The Big Vote

Lani, writing from the glamorous closet...

Okay, before I get started, I just have to say... I'm really diggin' Alesia's Patty stories. Of course, now I'm even more motivated to never join a gym, but to Alesia, I just have to say - you go, girl!

That is, as soon as you can move again.

Now, let's talk politics...

... or rather, let's kinda talk politics. The fact is, I gave up being educated on the issues a long time ago because - and what I'm about to tell you is both highly classified and painfully obvious - it's all a load of crap.

Yep. You heard it here first. Load. Of. Crap. At least the big elections are. The fact is, Kerry, Bush, it doesn't matter. The only real difference is hair. It's the local elections that matter most, and no one knows diddly about what's going on there because those people don't have the kind of hair we're seeing in the national race.

It's all about the hair. Trust me. Because by the time anyone gets to the point where they're getting the nomination of a major party for President, they've already sold their soul. All they've got left is the hair.

So... let's talk hair.

Kerry - mad props for height. I went to high school in the Big Hair '80s - an era in which an ambitious teenager and a can of Aqua Net could single-handedly ruin the movie-going experience for scores of people - and I've never seen anything close to that kind of acheivement. If only my breasts could defy gravity like that.

Oh. Wait. That should probably be a whole 'nother blog.

On to Bush... which is a devastatingly unfortunate name, doncha think?... I have to say, I'm diggin' the highlights. Loads of silver with gentle touches of gold. Kinda screams "Old Money," doesn't it? And let's face it, if we're gonna put a soulless bastard in the White House (which will always be the case until a woman runs for President, at which time it'll be a soulless bee-yatch), then I say, go with the highlights. Because the gravity-defying thing... kinda freaking me out.

But that's just me. And now for my politically unpopular sentiment of the day...

Unlike most people out there, I'm not gonna urge you to vote. I don't think we should urge everyone to vote. I think the people who have no opinion, don't know where the candidates stand on the issues or - gasp! - decide their vote on something really friggin' stupid like, say, hair, should just stay home and let the people who know what they're voting for go out and make the decisions. That's my plan, anyway. 'Cause the hair thing is really freaking me out.

Counting blessings - at least Al Sharpton isn't on the short list. shudder

My lawyer (hi, Alesia) will probably want me to state that my entries in no way reflect the opinions of my fellow Literary Chicks, their publishers, my publishers, booksellers, or anyone remotely associated with this website. Hell, most of the time my entries don't even really reflect my opinions, as I'm a shameless wise-ass, for those of you who hadn't noticed. So, all that to say, I'm kidding here. Seriously. Except about the don't-vote-if-you-don't-know-what-you're-voting-for thing. I meant that. And the soulless bastard/bee-yatch thing. Oh, and the freaky Kerry hair. But everything else, I was kidding. Seriously.

Posted by Lani at 2:40 PM | Comments (2)

Comments

Back in the very short period of time when I was working on a PhD in psychology (and you thought Writers were weird, hoo boy!!), it was presidential election time, and I asked my students in Psych 101 to watch one of the debates and tell me who they'd vote for and why.

Believe it or not, the most popular answer to 'why' was: Because he looked more presidential.

I'm so not kidding.

Dennis Quaid for President, anyone?

Laughing but very, very sad,
Alesia

Posted by: Alesia Holliday at October 17, 2004 9:05 AM

This is one of those elections that makes me want to do a write in vote for my dad and be done with it. BOB FOR PRESIDENT! My dad actually LOOKS pretty dern presidential. So. Maybe he has a shot!

Posted by: Joshilyn at October 19, 2004 5:06 AM