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November 17, 2004
How I amuse myself...
Lani, writing from lovely Syracuse...
You know, there's something that happens to you when you become a parent. Or, rather, happened to me when I became a parent. Well, when I became a parent of kids old enough to watch certain television shows with the religious fervor I've had for such fare as Moonlighting, Northern Exposure, The X-Files and Buffy.
So, maybe it is just me. Maybe it's hereditary. So this is going to be less a "funny because it's a shared experience" blog and more a "funny because isn't Lani a big doof" blog. But, what the hey, it's all a good time, right?
God willing...
... anyway, this is what I do. When I'm watching a particular episode of some mind-numbing children's television show (because very little children's television isn't mind-numbing) of which I've watched about ten episodes eighteen-gazillion times (repetition - the staple of the kiddie tv diet) I tend to imagine the characters in adult scenarios just to amuse myself.
For instance, right now, as I watch Dora The Explorer hang out with her inane monkey/best friend Boots, I imagine that Boots is dealing crack and keeps the stash in his boots (thus explaining why the monkey's foot coverings are easily five times his body mass). This also explains why, despite the fact that Dora and Boots go to the Big Mountain at least every other episode, they can never find it without the help of Map. Crack is hell on short-term memory.
As for the Sesame Street gang, I've always suspected that Big Bird is manic-depressive, Elmo needs ritalin, and Cookie Monster has an eating disorder. I mean, come on. He keeps chomping cookies, but never actually swallows anything.
Barney the Purple Dinosaur is the result of someone's college drug experimentation. Joe on Blue's Clues can't get a date, wears the same shirt every day and spends all his time playing mystery games with his dog and he's happy about it. Clearly, there are issues there. I still don't have a theory for the Teletubbies. Those guys are just creepy.
I'm one of those people who should have never had children, aren't I? Whoops. Well, too late now. Keep my poor babes in your prayers.
Posted by Lani at 4:52 PM | Comments (5)
Comments
Elmo hanged himself in this week's Simpsons - I was devastated! I've got a four month old and I must admit I'm not looking forward to the mind-numbing tedium of kids TV. Maybe I'll only let him watch educational stuff like .. er .. The West Wing and ER. And Queer Eye.
Posted by: Keris Stainton at November 18, 2004 10:44 AM
If Teletubbies scares you, do NOT watch BooBah.
Those things still haunt my dreams...
Posted by: Jamie at November 18, 2004 1:02 PM
Seems to me, the creators of Boo Bah were trying to out-creep the creators of Teletubbies. It's all a game to them.
I, for one, am ecstatic when my son gloms on to the TV. Yay! It means I can take a shower, or read a book in the other room, or get to work on that three-month backlog of housework. To this day, I've never seen a complete episode of any kiddie show. Does that make me a bad mother?
Posted by: Kathy at November 20, 2004 7:06 PM
Sheesh, does it surprise you that you listed 4 of my top must-watch shows of all time? I admit, I wasn't watching any of them at the end of their runs except for Buffy, but...
Question is, do you remember James Marsters on NE as a priest? :-)
Reb
Posted by: Rebecca at November 22, 2004 4:26 PM
Also, do your kids watch Zoboomafoo? I used to amuse myself by casting aspersions on these hyper "brothers" running around in their short shorts and hiking boots... I think they were really special friends...
Yup, I'm a sicko. Deal with it.
Reb
Posted by: Rebecca at November 22, 2004 4:28 PM
