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March 1, 2005

My first blog!

From Stephanie, March's Guest Literary Chick!

I'm so excited to be here with the literary chicks and want to thank them for inviting me as their guest! This is my first time blogging, so I'm a little nervous. What do I say? I asked Deanna Carlyle -- owner of the chicklit listserve on Yahoo that brought the literary chicks and so many others together -- for advice, and she suggested I talk about stuff like how I finally broke into print, the New York literary scene, my upcoming online class on Salon.com (How to write chicklit!), and my new novel THE ART OF UNDRESSING which is just out this week, but I'm finding all I want to talk about is THE BACHELORETTE. Are there any other junkies out there? Last night was the "finale" and Jen was going to decide whether to accept Jerry's proposal. I'd had an unpleasant day, spending three long hours at my daughter's doctor's office. She had fever, sore throat, swollen glands...

It took one hour to wait in a packed waiting room with about a dozen coughing, screaming, wretched runny-nosed little children to see the doctor. Actually, it's kind of cute because she's 16 and all the other kids were toddlers and babies, and it gets you all nostalgic... as you wonder how many diseases you're picking up...

Then we were there two more hours while she had a strep test, two urine tests (they dumped the first one out by mistake) a blood test, and the verbal section of her PSAT. We finally got home (after hailing a cab in the six trillionth snow storm this winter) and I tucked her into bed and ran out to the Duane Reade and got her antibiotics, Nyquil, apple juice, ginger ale, and Chlorospectic spray. I gave her the medicine while my husband fed my son, then I had to go back out into the snow to get groceries because we were out of everything. Then I gobbled down my own dinner (peanut butter and jelly -- my current addiction) and finally got to where I wanted to be: the TV. Even though Fashion Police and Joan and Melissa were on to skewer the Oscar gowns, I had to watch the Bachelorette finale. I know I could've gone back and forth, but I was so beat, I didn't even have it in me to flip channels. (Plus, they always replay those shows later...)

Now, I used to love Bachelorette, but now, even I have to admit, it's become repetitive -- which has to be the death knell for a Reality Show. Considering this, you would think that I wouldn't need to watch it, but there I was, glued to the set. We got through the awkward last dates, Jean Paul's ridiculous marriage proposal (did this 25-year-old bore REALLY think they made a connection and could live the rest of their lives together -- and did anyone catch that snide comment after she rejected him, when he said now she'll be 32 and STILL looking...)

So finally, we got to the last part of the show, and Jerry was brought out. I've had a small crush on Jerry from the start. Jen and Jerry always seemed awkward with each other, but I was hoping that was the editing, and there would be a surprise happy ending. Indeed, Jerry began to convince me that he really did love Jen and was going to abandon his Art Gallery job in LA to move to Chicago to be with her (could it be?) and then they broke for the commercials, and then they brought Jen out, and Jerry asked her (not very romantically) "So what am I supposed to do with this ring?" and RIGHT WHEN JEN WAS ABOUT TO ANSWER HIM I heard this faint, weak voice from the other room. "Mom..." What's a mother do? "Apple juice..." I'm paralyzed. "Mom...!"

I've just gone through ten minutes of ads plus how many weeks of not exactly riveting shows for this special moment. I ask my husband to get it for her. He makes some comment about how stupid the show is. I tell him it's the finale. He says, "you're watching a finale of some idiotic show every week!" Which does seem to be true. I loved Project Runway, by the way, did anyone see that? "Mooooom!" I made myself get up. The sacrifices we go through! I ran out quickly as I could, poured the juice, handed it to her, didn't even ask how she was feeling, and ran back to the television. Chris Harrison, the host, was looking shell shocked. (Doesn't he know what Jen is going to say beforehand?) I had missed the big moment! I realized she turned Jerry down. Jerry didn't even seem to care. Jen began to look relieved that this show was almost behind her. My big question is: if she actually got to participate in picking the men who were going to be vying for her affections, why was it such a lousy selection?

I caught a few more minutes of Jerry trying to explain why he was taking this so well, but then I had to call the ambulance because my daughter's temp was up to 105 and she was vomiting blood RIGHT WHEN JEN WAS TAKING QUESTIONS FROM THE AUDIENCE (not really) but my point is, or should I say my question is, how is one expected to both have a family life and be able to watch all the reality shows that one needs to watch even though they're idiotic? Tonight there's American Idol and Amazing Race and Top Model (they're going to let us know how the girls from season three are doing!)

At least I don't write in the evenings. I've never been able to write at night except under duress. (Was I supposed to be talking about writing on this blog? The New York literary scene? IS there a New York literary scene?) Which reminds me. My new novel THE ART OF UNDRESSING is out as of March 1. Which is today!!! I've been checking my Barnes and Noble all week (except yesterday) to see if it might appear early on the shelf, but no sighting yet. I know it's out some places though because I got a call from my second cousin in Georgia and she saw the bright pink cover on a shelf at a Borders, so that was exciting. Okay, I gotta go because my daughter is calling me. Her throat is still hurting. Does anyone know if you're supposed to gargle with cold salt water or warm salt water? Does it matter? Is it okay that I spent so much time talking about The Bachelorette?

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