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April 2, 2005

Dirty!

Lani, not meaning it that way...

You know what I love about Michelle's entries? The way everything Dutch sounds dirty.

Slagroom. Strippen Kaart. Flessenlikker. Dirty! Dirty! Really Flessen' Dirty!

Which makes me think of a friend of mine...

... from college, who called me out of the blue this week to congratulate me on the RITA noms, and to tell me he has not yet, nor will he ever, actually read my book, because it's chick stuff, but he's really excited for me that the people who read that crap actually like it.

I'm paraphrasing, but that's basically it. Hi, Bob!

But I'm not here to give Bob a bad time or harrangue him into reading my book - because I know once he does, he'll just lovvvvve it, and besides, a real man isn't afraid to read a pink book - but to recall a time when I was young *cough* and innocent **cough cough** and happened to be thrown into a dorm with the forementioned Bob living right down the hall.

Now, Bob has a special talent - the ability to take anything you say, no matter how innocently intended, and make it dirty. His favorites? Christmas Carols.

Bob, on Silent Night: I'll bet.

Bob, on Come All Ye Faithful: But be sure to do it on ye unfaithful, it's more fun.

Bob, on It Came Upon a Midnight Clear: Her name was Midnight?

And so on, and so on. And. So. On. And it never ended. (That's what she said.) No matter what I said, he'd twist it until it was dripping with double entendres. (Dripping with something.) See? Now I've got him in my head. (Not touching that one with a ten foot pole.) Bob, your pole is nowhere near ten feet.

Yikes. Now I'm doing it. It's just automatic. Whenever I talk to Bob, his twisted, nasty sense of humor invades my brain. I shudder to think what would happen if he ever went to the Netherlands. I think his head would explode.

(See? Now you're doing it, too, aren't you? Dirty Bob's in your brain, too, isn't he? Infectious little wanker.)

So, Bob, I hope you're proud of yourself. You've now infected the entire Literary Chicks audience.

Oh. Yeesh. I didn't mean it that way...

I'm gonna go take a shower.

Posted by Lani at 10:20 AM