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April 8, 2005
Synopses, Red Hair, and A Secret of Publishing
Alesia, now a redhead . . .
I hate writing synopses. Plus, I’m not particularly good at it. Also, and this is a big one, my books NEVER, EVER TURN OUT LIKE THE SYNOPSIS.
EVER.
There, I’ve confessed it.
For the past several days, I’ve struggled to write a synopsis for my 2006 chick lit novel. I have a great title, I have a great concept, and a terrific protagonist and very fun supporting characters, so I know I’m going to LOVE writing the book.
But.
My contract is set up so that I get paid for turning in proposals about the upcoming books. In my case, that means a synopsis. This is where the BIG POOPY part of the process comes into play. I SUCK at SYNOPSES.
My first-ever attempt at writing a synopsis still makes me cringe. It sounded like a lawyer wrote it (not all that surprising, considering that a lawyer DID write it, but still). It went something like this:
Then, the party of the first part stormed into the lienholding owned by the party of the second part and proceeded to invoke his irrevocable, binding, and only-to-be-challenged in arbitration steamy kiss. [Kiss is heretofore defined as a meeting of lips by mutual consent, notwithstanding prior definitions, the Florida Rules of Evidence, or how loudly the judge makes armpit farts.]
I’m exaggerating, of course. It really wasn’t that bad. It was WORSE.
Now, of course, I have gotten the hang of it a little bit better, so at least my editor doesn’t want to commit ritual suicide with her letter opener. When I whined to my BRILLIANT and WONDERFULLY PATIENT agent (he bought a whine filter for his phone since he took me on, I’m convinced), he said: “Don’t worry about it. Good authors never have books turn out like their synopses. Editors know this.”
HUH????? WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME THIS BEFORE AND SAVE ME HOURS AND HOURS OF TORTURE??? Sigh.
Well, you heard it here first. A secret of publishing, in Friday writer’s corner. Good luck! I, of course, stressed about mine so hard that I dyed my hair red today. (Don’t ask, it’s a thing.)
Hugs and happy weekending,
Alesia
Posted by Alesia at 4:07 PM
