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May 11, 2005

Most Days

Lani, wishing someone would tell her to take a nap every day

I write this from my bedroom, where I've retreated in frustration as my two darling daughters hurl plaintive cries against the darkness that is naptime.

Actually, my older daughter is six and usually doesn't get naptime, but she threw a fit and didn't eat her lunch so... in she goes. I am currently trying to figure out which saint is the patron saint of sleeping children, and I'm not even Catholic.

That's how desperate I am for some peace.

I've been told by some of my friends who have yet to traipse down the yellow brick road of motherhood that my honesty about the experience of motherhood can be somewhat daunting, in the sense that I make them want to never, ever have children. (Hi, Beth!) So I've decided, in the interest of further stressing the resources of an overpopulated planet, to go ahead and try to comfort all the pre-mothers out there by lying my big, fat ass off.

Which, by the way, wouldn't be quite so big and fat if I hadn't had children.

Okay. Out with the truth. In with the lying.

The pain of childbirth isn't all that bad. Just learn how to huff and puff and blow your maternity ward down. It'll be fine.

Stretch marks go away.

Baby weight goes away.

All babies start sleeping through the night by six weeks.

Breastfeeding is natural, and therefore easy.

As long as you love your children and do what you genuinely believe is best for them, arrogant strangers who know nothing about your child or your life won't judge your choices.

Your sex drive will come back.

Life will return to normal.

You can do it all.

You will never say something, then succumb to a panic as you realize that it's exactly what your mother would have said.

Okay. Now that I've told you the lies, I'm gonna go back to the honesty, just for one line.

There is nothing in this world that will bring more joy into your heart than that child, and for that joy, you will live with everything I've mentioned in this essay and consider it a damn bargain.

Well. Most days, anyway.

Posted by Lani at 12:25 PM