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May 18, 2005

Did I mention my toaster broke?

Lani, Who Really Had It Coming...

Every author has a review story. You know, the review that made them cry and crawl under the sink with a box of Ho-Ho's and a bottle of Old Smuggler, only to be dragged out bodily by loving friends who, when shown the review, replaced the Old Smuggler with a bottle of Chivas Regal 12 and spruced up the under-the-sink area with some nice flowers and a lantern because woooo that was bad.

I come at it from a slightly different perspective, you see, because...

... I used to be a reviewer. Not a book reviewer, but a theater reviewer. And I was an honest reviewer, which meant if something sucked, well... I said so. I usually tried to be kind, unless something really sucked in which case, well... I said so. A clip from my greatest hits...

I've discovered the source of the strange whirring noise being heard around Anchorage since May 22nd; it's Charles Dickens, rolling in his grave like a rotisserie chicken in response to ACT's dire original adaptation of his classic story, "Oliver Twist."

- Anchorage Press, Vol. 12, Ed. 22 May 29 - June 4, 2003

Note: Now, before you decide that I'm a horrid wench who deserves to die a long and terrible death, just remember that you weren't there. You lose two hours of your life witnessing a director trying to shoehorn his buddy's smarmy folk-songs into the most shamelessly wooden adaptation of Dickens ever written, then judge.

Anyway, let's just say that pretty much anything I get, I figure I kinda have coming. And, if I learned anything from writing reviews, it's that no one cares. All they remember is that they saw the review. If it's great, they'll want to see the play because it's great. If it's bad, they'll want to see it because it's an underdog. People like to form their own opinions, and I think only in very particular instances will anyone who wants to see the play or buy the book not do so because of one review.

Now, if all of the reviews are bad... well, then you're into difficult territory. But one or two bad reviews just means you're reaching enough people, because you can't please everyone, and if you're reaching a decent number of people, someone is guaranteed to just hate the crap out of your book. For every book ever written, there is someone out there who threw it against the wall. It's really a numbers game.

Not that it doesn't sting when the person chooses to hate the crap out of one of my books in a public forum. But I tend to get over it quick, probably because I figure I have it coming, what with the karma and all. And there's no small amount of truth to the phrase "All ink is good ink." So, go ahead, hate my book. It's fine by me.

Long as you buy it first. :) After all, how am I going to afford this if you don't?

Posted by Lani at 6:44 AM