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May 28, 2005

Big Spaz II: The Return of the Spaz

Lani, from I'M IN WALMART central!

For those of you who don't have the history on me being a Big Spaz, I refer you here.

So, anyway, I went to Walmart today...

... AND MAYBE BABY WAS ON THE SHELF, FACE-OUT, EYE-LEVEL RIGHT NEXT TO THE BESTSELLER GROUP.

Which, for those of you who don't know what Walmart means in this crazy publishing haze, is BIG YAY.

See, Walmart is a huge seller of mass market books. They don't stock everything, pretty much only buying the books they have a certain confidence will sell. And on top of that, to be put face out is good for sales. Face out, eye-level is even better.

And face out, eye-level, one book away from the bestsellers. Mega huge.

Now, that's not to say I'll be enjoying this prime real estate in every Walmart in the country, but I was in my Walmart, and that is Big Spaz inducing.

So, of course, the first thing I do is pull out my cell phone, call Fish and yell, "I'm in Walmart! I'm in Walmart!" Which made all the other people in the book aisle kinda walk away, because they didn't understand that what I meant was, "My book's in Walmart!"

That's Big Spaz Moment Number One.

BSM #2: I grab the books off the shelf and count them. Seven copies. Alternating between the dual-run blue and pink covers. Then I discussed with Adam which one I should buy.

Yes, I bought my own book.

BSM #3: I take my book to the cashier, and as she rings it, I say, all excited, "That's my book!"

And she, of course, looks at me as if to say, "Not until your card goes through it ain't."

And I say, "No, I mean, I wrote that book. It's my book. I wrote it."

To which she raises an eyebrow and smiles, as if to say, "They just don't pay me enough..."

BSM #4: I get the receipt, and I look on it, and it says, "RICH, LANI DI." And I say, "My name is on a Walmart receipt!"

To which the guy behind me in line, who showed up after the "I wrote the book" thing, smiles and raises his eyebrows, as if to say, "I knew I should have gone to Target. All the crazies are always in Walmart."

BSM #5: I come home with the book - the very same book of which I have numerous free author copies under my bed - and show it to Fish. We decided, together, as a family, to leave the Walmart stickers on it.

See. Told ya. Big. Spaz.

Tee hee hee. I'm in Walmart.

Posted by Lani at 10:34 AM