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June 23, 2005

Ein Bier, Bitte!

From Michelle, Roasting in Rotterdam...

So. Last weekend I went to Hamburg for a minibreak with Oh Patient One and Teenager #2.

"That's sounds fabulous," I hear you all cry, and, indeed, it was. Hamburg is a gorgeously pretty city with beautiful lakes and canals and wonderful architechture, and wonderful, friendly people. We had a blast! Really, it was completely "fantastisch."

"But what went wrong?" I hear you all cry again, "because we already know that you are jinxed when it comes to transport, and there is always a story to tell."

Who, me? Jinxed? The trip was fabulous, I tell you, fabulous!

Um. Owkey, so mebbe there were one or two teeny little glitches...

Glitch #1

The reason we were going to Hamburg in the first place was because Oh Patient One and Partner (that would be me) were invited by his company to attend another ship launch, this time in Hamburg, and as the launch was due to take place on a Friday we thought we'd make a weekend of it. And also take Teenager #2 with us, because it would be a great experience for him.

I got out my German dictionary and began to brush up a bit...

Four days before we were due to go, Oh Patient One got a phone call. He had to attend an unexpected but important meeting in Copenhagen. He simply couldn't miss it. So we wouldn't be able to attend the boat launch, because the meeting was on the Friday of the launch.

"No problem," I told him, just a bit disappointed--because I don't get many opportunities to dress up in a posh frock. But still, we had the whole weekend away. Teenager #2 and I would meet him at the hotel in Hamburg on Friday evening. Whew. That was the glitch out of the way. What else could go wrong? Well...

Glitch #2

A general transport strike was planned for the Friday, which meant no trains in the Netherlands would be running, which meant taking a cab from Rotterdam to Amsterdam's Schiphol airport. This is quite a distance, and the fare is somewhere in the region of $150. Trust me, I know this because on one of my trips back from America there was another transport strike and I had to get a cab home.

Fortunately, Oh Patient One's nice colleague was also on the same flight as me (he was, of course, off to the ship launch) so we arranged to share the cab.

Friday morning, Nice Colleage arrived bang on time. We'd left plenty of time for the cab ride due to the additional congestion on the roads because of the transport strike. He's great company, and the journey whizzed by. We arrived at Schiphol in plenty of time. Yay! And then...

Glitch #3

When it was our turn to check in for the flight, the airline assistant (after chatting with her colleague for ten minutes) calmly informed me that Teenager #2 and I were on standby.

"Standby? Standby? What does that actually mean?" I ask her, confused. Because these tickets had been booked by Oh Patient One's company, so why would there be a problem?

"It means that the flight is over sold and you have to wait until everyone else has checked in before we can tell you if you have seats on the flight," she says. And then, "We always over sell the flights because we like to torture our passengers, mwahahahahaha."

No, she didn't really say that last part but I felt like she really wanted to, because the whole time she was telling me that Teenager #2 and I might not have seats she was smiling. What was there to smile about?

"But. But. Nobody said anything about standby when the tickets were booked," I tell her. "And what do you mean, the flight is over sold? Why would you do such a dumbass thing as to over sell the seats on the bloody plane? Can't you people count?"

No, I didn't really say that last part, becuse that would be rude, but I really felt like it because of that evil smile on her face.

"You are on standby," she repeats, coldly. "Go to the gate and the assistants there will tell you if you can take the flight or not."

"This is ridiculous," Nice Colleague says. "These people are travelling with me." He flashes his frequent flyer platinum card. "My company will hear of this," he warns, because apart from being Nice Colleague, he is also a company Big Wig.

"I'm sorry, sir," she tells him respectfully, "the booking system has nothing to do with us."

Where was my respect? Why wasn't she sorry to me? Grrr...

"You know, Michelle," Nice Colleague says to me. "This service has gone downhill since This Airline was taken over by Another Airline 2 weeks ago. They have a new policy. Despite the fact that all the city hopper planes have only one class, money-grabbing Another Airline has decided that the first five or six rows in each plane should be reserved for Business Class and they sell them at a much higher cost. So they deliberately over sell the plebian seats, just in case they can't fill the expensive Business Class seats, which by the way are just the same seats as everyone else's, and if you are one of the unlucky plebians they can stick you on standby."

"But, that's outrageous!" I splutter. By now, as you can imagine, I am not a happy traveller. "How come they can sell seats they've already sold?"

"I'm sorry, sir," the assitant reiterates to Nice Colleague, "the booking system has nothing to do with us."

"Another Airline simply doesn't care about the plebs. They'll probably throw in some kind of incentive for the inconvenience."

"I'm sorry, sir," the assistant tells him regretfully yet again, "the booking system has nothing to do with us."

Why isn't the bloody woman apologizing to me? I'm the one on standby.

"Come on," Nice Colleague adds, "we'll sort this out at the gate. You and Teenager #2 are Definitely Getting On That Plane. In the meantime, let's hit the Frequent Flyer VIP lounge for breakfast and coffee--I can take in 2 guests."

Oh, I've never been in a VIP lounge before...you know what this means? Free coffee. Free deluxe breakfast!

When we arrive at the VIP lounge, Nice Colleague flashes his platinum card at the assistant.

"I'm sorry, sir," she barks at him, not sounding sorry at all as she shakes her head. "The rules have changed. You can only take in one guest."

I should have known that there is no such thing as a free deluxe breakfast...

"See what I mean about the standards dropping?" Nice Colleague says to me. And then, to the rude assistant, "When did this new rule come into being?"

"Two weeks ago, when..."

"Another Airline took over This Airline," Nice Colleague finishes for her. He is really not happy about all these changing standards, and I don't blame him.

So we go elsewhere for coffee, and then onwards to the gate.

When we arrive at the gate, I present our boarding passes to one of the assistants and politely explain the situation to her.

"This lady and her son are travelling with me," Nice Colleague adds, flashing his frequent flyer platinum card again.

"You have to wait until the flight is closed," she tells us, coldly.

"This is ridiculous," he says. "My company uses this airline a lot, and make no mistake, this incident will be reported."

Another more mature assistant intervenes. "Please let me have your boarding cards and I will see what I can do," she says, smiling at me. "I'm so sorry for the inconvenience."

Finally! Someone is talking to me!

So we got seats on the plane. But there were an awful lot more pissed off people at that gate who didn't get seats on the plane...

And then we had a wonderful weekend, and we all lived happily ever after! Until the journey home...

Glitch #4

So we got a cab from the hotel to the airport and then...we got stuck in traffic.

"I'm sorry," the cab driver tells us. "Today is the beginning of the cycling season and fifteen thousand cyclists are having a convention in Hamburg."

I should have bloody known that something else would go wrong.

But in the end we got to the airport in time for the city hopper plane. And guess what? No standby nonsense this time. There was just time for me to pop to the ladies' bathroom before we boarded. And then...

Glitch #5

So in the ladies' bathroom the faucets are sensory operated. You know, you wave your hands underneath and out comes the water. Well, I waved my hands underneath and out came the water. I lathered up and washed my face, too, because we were in the middle of a heatwave. So then I wave my hands under the faucet again so I can rinse off all the suds and...five mintues later I am still waving my hands under the bloody faucet. In the end I grab some paper towels and wipe off the suds...

We get on the plane (me with a sticky face and sticky hands), it leaves on time, we arrive back in Schiphol about 45 minutes later. I wait for the baggage while Oh Patient One gets train tickets from the ticket machine. Success! Our bags are among the first on the conveyer belt, so we head to train station in the airport and...

Glitch #6

There has been a massive power failure on the Dutch rail network and there are absolutely no trains going anywhere.

So we head to the taxi cab rank, and get in line with the five billion (seemed like) other people also waiting for cabs...

It may take me a month to recover :-)

Michelle

Posted by Michelle at 9:06 AM | Comments (2)

Comments

Posted by: beejay at June 23, 2005 7:24 PM

Posted by: Michelle C at June 25, 2005 12:16 PM