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July 2, 2005
Oprah Schmoprah
From Lani, living her best life...
Before I begin, I want to give you this link. It pretty much speaks for itself. But, a warning - don't be eating or drinking anything when you click on the link. For one, you don't want to spit anything on your pretty computer when you're reading, and for two... well, you'll figure that out on your own once you visit.
And now, for our regularly scheduled programming...
Yesterday, I was watching Oprah and she was doing one of her redecoration shows, and she got all on her high horse about how people live in messy homes and have messy cars and blah blah sanctimony blah.
"I don't understand how y'all can live like that. Don't you know that how you live reflects how you feel about yourself? Live your best life, be your best self, look at me, I did it, I'm more beautiful and healthy now in my fifties than I was in my thirties, I'm so rich I've actually figured out how to reverse time and you people can't string a few bucks together to glam up your homes? Don't you realize that your home is a sanctuary? Don't you believe that you deserve to feel comfortable and happy in your bedrooms? What the hell is wrong with you people?"
Okay. So I'm paraphrasing. But still, as I sat watching in my bland room, sitting on my bed with the old quilt stained with various beverages my kids weren't supposed to bring into my bed in the first place, I got a little pissed off.
"When, Oprah, was the last time you had to support a family of more than YOU on a salary of less than a gazillion dollars a minute? Gee, Oprah, do you think that possibly you're so young and beautiful and living in such swank digs because, perhaps, you never had children? Maybe I'd have the time to make my bedroom all prettified if I could afford to hire people to do everything for me except move my bowels, but I live what we on earth like to call a real life. My children enjoy things like food and a home and I'm a writer so I'm broke and don't even get me started on your stupid book club which only features depressing novels by dead people but... what was my point? Oh, yeah. We don't all have time, energy and money to spruce up our surroundings because some of us actually have to live in this world rather than just sit pretty and make judgments about things we know nothing about! Come talk to me about "I deserve it" when you haven't had a full-night's sleep in almost a decade and have just caught yourself refereeing a fight between your three-year-old and her Care Bear. Yeah. Come talk to me then, Opraaaaaahhhhhh."
That's not so much a paraphrase. Nope, that's pretty much exactly what I said. She didn't respond, though.
Bitch.
So, anyway, I was all incensed for a couple of hours. Then I went to bed. Then I woke up this morning and went shopping.
Isn't it adorable? I know, it's bright, but it makes me happy. My home is a sanctuary. I deserve to be happy in my own bedroom.
My husband has a theory that Oprah is actually a sorceress who has taken control over the minds of the populace through her evil television show.
I think he's crazy. Oprah rocks! Yay, Oprah! I love my new bedroom!
On another note, be sure to stop back in on Monday and find out who our Lovely Guest Literary Chick is for the month of July! Yep, we're giving away more books and having more fun with new Literary Chicks so tell all your friends! And if you're friends with Oprah, tell her I love my new bedroom!
Bitch.
(Not you. Oprah.)
Posted by Lani at 7:25 AM | Comments (6)
Comments
Daytime TV is an EVIL MINDSUCKER! I was forced to watch Dr. Phil (hello?? In what alternate universe is the man a doctor of anything useful??) yesterday in the car shop waiting room, and the show was about people with such a pitiful lack of self-esteem that they wanted to be made over into celebrities. One woman had actually spent tens of thousands of dollars getting surgery to look like Jessica Simpson. And she was a mother raising a CHILD. Can you say: please take the child AWAY from the woman NOW?? What the hell is the world coming to???
alesia, shaking her head (nice bedroom!)
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at July 2, 2005 11:57 AM
Did you see the show where she said you need to replace your pillows every three months??? A couple years ago, when I was (briefly) making an obscene amount of money, I sprung for all down pillows. At $65 and up per, do you really figurue I'm going to replace them every three months??? That's what the washing machine and dryer are for. She's just living on another planet and hasn't realized it yet.
Posted by: beejay at July 2, 2005 7:20 PM
Love the bedroom, especially the bookcase deeleys under the bed!
Wait, you're supposed to wash pillows? Crap.
Posted by: Keris Stainton at July 3, 2005 5:07 AM
You're supposed to replace pillows?
Okay. I'm just kidding. Kinda. I mean, I'm kidding about the every three years.
Oh, wait. She said *months*. Oh, that lady is just damn crazy.
;)
Posted by: Lani at July 3, 2005 7:43 AM
I'm sooo glad you shared your reply/rant to Oprah, otherwise I was so bothered, I would've had to come up with one. And yours is much better anyway.
Posted by: Amy K at July 3, 2005 12:48 PM
I gave up on daytime TV years ago when I was putting on my shoes to go run errands with my DD (then about 4 or 5) and saw an old Donahue episodw (or maybe Oprah, who knows?) with women who spent all their time watching their wedding videos or they put on their wedding dresses EVERY DAY because their lives were over now that they're married. I sincerely don't have time living my life to realize that now that I'm a wife and mother of two that my life is over.
Posted by: romancechick at July 5, 2005 8:08 AM
