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July 25, 2005

The 10 Greatest/Coolest Things that Have Happened to Me as a Writer...

From Lauren, July's Guest Literary Chick!

... a column – finally! – which will be all about ME! ME! ME!

In the past three weeks, I’ve written columns here on how a book is like a shoe, the importance of reaching across the aisle to other writers, and a compilation of authors to create the perfect me. It seems to me that, all too often, we writers get focused on the negative things about the industry – Where are the reviews? Is anyone doing any promotion for me? When will my mother finally stop referring to this as my “little writing career”? – so I decided I’d use this last column for Literary Chicks to focus on all the wonderful things that have happened to me since becoming a published author.

Here goes:

1. My daughter Jackie – I always say I’m the only person in the world who ever went into a bathroom, peed on a wand, and came out with two miracles: a novel and a daughter. This is the truth as I see it, since it was my pregnancy with her that gave me the idea for the book that finally got me in the game, The Thin Pink Line, about an insane woman who fakes an entire pregnancy. And since that day Jackie has been with me every step of the way: she was there with me when I first saw the image of my book jacket on the computer screen, when the ARC’s first arrived at the door (“Mommy’s book! Mommy’s book!”), at my first local signing. You name it, every step of the way Jackie’s been with me and none of this would mean half so much without her.

2. My review in January Magazine – “It’s what Jane Austen might have written if she were working today.” Really, if no one ever says a nice thing about my work again, I could die on that review, which leads me to…

3. Amazon reviews – I used to get bothered by these, since about half of my reviews are one-stars, the other half being five-stars. But then I read an article saying that it’s polarizing books like mine that tend to sell. So I try to tell myself it’s a good thing whenever someone there compares my writing to shit, even though, I must confess, I’m more partial to the review that compares me to Swift.

4. The film option – The same day there was that blackout on the East Coast running from Canada all the way down here, there was a heat wave. I had also just learned that I had chicken pox, a pretty miserable thing at age 41. But also on that day, before the power went out, I received an email from my then agent saying The Thin Pink Line had been optioned. I do know enough about our business to know that it’s unlikely any film will ever be made, but I’ll go on dreaming sweet dreams of being asked to the Oscars or Emmys so long as that option’s still out there.

5. My niece deciding I’m not a total loser after all – My brother has always been a security-oriented person, prone to high-powered jobs, so when I left a day job of 11 years that came with a fairly good salary plus four weeks vacation a year plus full medical in order to take a chance on myself as a writer, he was not impressed, a lack of impression that seemed to trickle through his family. It’s not that anyone ever actually said anything, but you could tell. Then came the holiday season, following the publication of my first book, when my niece as part of a charitable class project was looking for donations to a fund where they buy animals for poor families in South America, Heifer International is what I believe it’s called. Their goal was to get at least a cow and I suspect most people had given her $2 or $5 or $10 in donations, because she was mightily surprised when I passed a crisp hundred-dollar bill across the table to her. She claims that, due to my example, her class was able to buy their South American family an entire menagerie and she’s never looked at me with anything but respect since, plus now she says she wants to be a writer too. Little does she realize that one $100 bill does not make me John Grisham.

6. Fan mail – Unlike Amazon reviews, which can be such a dual-edged sword, my experience with fan mail, except for that one pervy person who wanted a personal picture so he could look at my lovely face (his words, not mine), has been wholly positive. I mean, who doesn’t want to receive letters saying someone likes your work or, better yet, gets it? One of my favorites was from a woman who said she was laughing so hard on the subway, people kept staring at her and the book jacket to see what was so funny; personally, if I had my own way, never mind getting my publisher to send me on tour, I’d like them to sponsor her on a coast-to-coast tour because obviously she can do a better job of selling me than I can do of selling myself. But by far my favorite letter to date was from a woman who claimed to love the first book so much, she rushed out to buy the second, which she couldn’t put down and wound up finishing at her family’s Passover Seder while everyone else was still eating. I hate to think I’ve seduced a woman into a life of sin, but I must say that for a writer, compliments just don’t come any higher.

7. Fergie reading my book – OK, I don’t know for a fact that Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, did in fact read my book. But I do know that my editor, upon hearing she was going to meet Fergie, grabbed three books to give her as gifts and one of those was mine. Who knows? She probably threw it in the trash rather than adding to her weight before passing through Customs at the airport, but it is fun to dream of her reading my book and, hopefully, laughing.

8. Meeting other authors – It’s a fairly simple pleasure, but meeting other authors and getting to say “I’m one of you,” as opposed to “I wish I were one of you,” is mighty nice.

9. Thanksgiving dinners – I survived eight increasingly depressing Thanksgiving dinners between the time I left my day job to take a chance on myself as a writer and the day I was offered my first book contract. The first few years, people were still optimistic, but as time wore on, they simply stopped asking. My not selling anything major was the elephant in the room no one wanted to talk about out loud. So it’s very nice nowadays, as the turkey and stuffing gets passed around for the third time, to be asked things like, “How’re the books doing?” “When’s the next book coming out?” What’s it about?” “Have you met John Grisham yet?”

10. Getting to write more books – Following A Little Change of Face, I have two more books due out from RDI, How Nancy Drew Saved My Life (July 2006) and Chick-Lit: A Love Story (July 2007). I consider myself one of life’s fortunate people that I’m allowed to do what I love for a living, at least for now.

11. Being invited to guestblog on Literary Chicks – Thank you so much, Lani, Michelle and Alesia, for this grand opportunity!

Speaking of which, here are the four winners of signed copies of A Little Change of Face! Congrats!

[enter names here]

Lauren Baratz-Logsted is the author of The Thin Pink Line and Crossing the Line. Her third novel, A Little Change of Face, will be published in July 2005. Her essay, “If Jane Austen Were Writing Today,” is collected in Flirting with Pride and Prejudice: Fresh Perspectives on the Original Chick-Lit Masterpiece, edited by Jennifer Crusie and due out from Benbella Books on September 1.

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