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July 28, 2005

Falconry: The Sequel

From Michelle, Partying in Rotterdam...

Yes, partying I am, it's absolutely true! I am celebrating with a nice glass or two of Shiraz because a friend of mine heard about her first book deal at the RWA conference in Reno, which is fantastic, because she is a sterling gal and also a wonderful writer...Plus, my good mood and Shiraz might just have a little bit to do with the fact that Confessions of a Serial Dater came out this week...Yay!

But what about the falconry, I hear you cry? Is Michelle really going to discuss birds of prey? What do falcons have to do with the price of bread?

LOL, absolutely nothing. But Falconry:The Sequel has become synonymous in my household for getting stuck doing something you don't want to do but you're doing it anyway because either (a) you feel sorry for someone, or (b) you are a captive audience and cannot escape. Here's why...

In the Belgian Ardennes we visited a lot of old, crumbling castles, because apart from the fact they have a lot of them there, we love old, crumbling castles. And at every crumbling castle we visited, there seemed to be a display featuring birds of prey. Now, that's all very interesting the first or second time you see it, but by the fifteenth billion falconry display, you kind of feel like you've really done the whole birds of prey thing.

So when we visited yet another old, crumbling castle, we decided to give the falconry display (free, and given in Dutch and French) followed by optional, free guided tour (also in Dutch and French) a miss, and just "experience" the castle by ourselves. We had the (also free) little numbered diagram and description of the castle (also in Dutch and French, but that's okay because between us Oh Patient One and I can work out the meaning).

All was going well until the ticket lady, worried by our gentle ambling around the forecourt of the castle, came out and indicated in a very anxious tone of voice that if we didn't hightale it to the top of the castle at once we were going to miss the falconry display! Hooray, thought Oh Patient One and I. But the ticket lady looked very worried. She was so worried that we got worried - what if nobody else was going to the free falconry display? It might scar the poor falcon handler for life!

So, we climbed up the castle in 32 degree heat...

...And when we got to the top, there were actually quite a few other people all seated in a circle. Mebbe we could slink off before anyone noticed us...but no! The falcon handler gesticulated to us where to sit (i.e. right where he could keep an eye on us in case we tried to escape) so what could we do?

So, half an hour later in the baking sun, after having watched (a) various falcons fly from one handler to another lured by the temptation of bits of meat, and (b) various owls fly from one handler to another lured by the temptation of bits of meat, and (c) lots of other types of birds of prey do exactly the same thing, we were birds-of-preyed out! But we escaped the guided tour...

So, a little while later while Oh Patient One and I were in a bar, we got chatting to some people, as you do, because we are friendly, and when one of them (bear in mind I had known her for all of five minutes) discovered that I was a writer she immediately cornered me and did a FalconryTheSequelled number on me. Here's how it went...

New Acquaintance (NA): "So, you're a writer! What do you write? I'm a writer too, but not yet published, but my book's fabulous. Can I send it to you?"

Me (a bit shocked by her directness): "Um, sorry, my lawyer has told me that I shouldn't read unpublished manuscripts because it could have legal ramifications for me in the future. You know, I could get sued..."

NA: "Oh. But if I give you a copy of my book - and by the way it's a murder mystery with aliens and ghosts and flying pigs, can you send it to your editor?"

Me (bemused): "Um, sorry - my editor doesn't do murder mysteries with aliens and ghosts and flying pigs, and stuff. It would give you a much better shot at publication if you could target the editors who do do your kind of book. You should look at other authors who write the same genre as you and see who is publishing their books."

NA: "Oh. Well, what kind of books do you write, again? Can you give me one of your books?"

Me (by now a little fed up because I think she's being rather rude): "Um, romantic comedies. Sorry, I don't have any with me at the moment."

NA: "That's okay. Let me give you my address and you can send me one, but I don't really like romantic comedies. Do you have a pen and paper?"

Me (feeling more fed up): "Actually, I don't have any authorly copies left of my books - I have to buy any extras I need, myself, so sorry - I can't do that."

NA: "Oh. Well. My murder mystery with aliens and ghosts and flying pigs is fantastic. It's all about..."

An hour later I'm still getting a blow-by-blow account of where she got her inspiration for the book, and different episodes that happen in the book that happened to her in real life, and why her boyfriend is a rat (including extremely personal details) and why her boss is a rat, and why her family doesn't understand her, and I am feeling really fed up because this woman is talking AT me rather than WITH me and she's about to tell me about her awful childhood and my ears are beginning to bleed...

In desperation I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and...she follows me into the bathroom, and seems to be coming INTO THE CUBICLE WITH ME until I ask her to wait outside.

So. FalconryTheSequelled I completely was.

Michelle :-)

Posted by Michelle at 9:16 AM | Comments (3)

Comments

Posted by: elizabeth at July 28, 2005 2:18 PM

Posted by: Michelle C at July 28, 2005 2:44 PM

Posted by: beejay at July 28, 2005 7:35 PM