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August 22, 2005

The Curious Incident of the Purse in the Night-Time

From Rotterdam With Lipstick...

This weekend, because Oh Patient One was in Copenhagen for work, I decided to go out and join him for a couple of days. And it really was like the song - Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen!

It was completely fabulous! And I am happy to say that I had absolutely no problems whatsoever with trains and plane tickets, or being FalconryTheSequelled.

So, what did go wrong, Michelle? I hear you all cry. Because whenever I travel there is a tale to tell. Well, I woke up early on Sunday morning and...

...my purse is missing.

I have no idea why my purse is the first thing I think of on waking, but I do, and I just can't find it. Anywhere.

I search every nook and cranny in the hotel room and finally I come to the conclusion that either (a) I left it in the restaurant last night, or (b) a thief has snuck into the room while Oh Patient One and I were asleep and has stolen my purse!

I reject option (a) because that purse contains my passport, my wallet (and therefore bank cards and credit cards), my lipstick, and generally my entire life, and I am always super careful about not leaving it anywhere. Plus, I know I had it the night before because when we got back from the restaurant I got my hotel key out of it to open our room. At least I think I did. And my hotel key is on the table...

So, option (b) then.

Me to Oh Patient One: "Wake up, I can't find my purse anywhere."

Oh Patient One (half asleep): "It must be here somewhere."

Me (looking under the bed for the millionth time): "It's not. I've looked everwhere."

Oh Patient One (still half asleep): "It must be here somewhere."

Me (looking behind the curtain for the millionth time): "No. Defintely not here. I've looked a million times. Do you know what I think?"

Oh Patient One (sighing): "No. It's seven in the morning. I don't even know what I think at seven in the morning."

Me (looking in the minibar for the millionth time, just in case): "I think some ruthless thief crept into our room and stole my purse. I woke up at about five to get a drink of water and I heard a door closing nearby."

Oh Patient One (pointing to the table on which in plain view is his wallet and his passport): "Look, the thief theory just doesn't hold up because why would he/she take your purse and leave my wallet and passport?"

Me (looking in the shower for the millionth time, just in case): "Maybe the thief was disturbed when I woke up and only had time to take my purse. Plus, I'm sure I had it when we got back last night because I had to get the hotel key out of it."

Oh Patient One (patiently pointing to his laptop on the chair near the door): "Look, nobody in this city even locks up their bikes, plus why didn't the thief take my laptop? Maybe you left your purse in the restaurant and your key was in your pocket."

Actually, it's true about the Danish and their bikes. Nobody bothers locking up their bikes in the capital city, so obviously thievery isn't a common problem.

Me (pulling on clothes): "Okay, I'm going to the restaurant to see what time they open."

Oh Patient One (rolling his eyes): "But it's seven in the morning."

Me (heading out of the door without lipstick): "I know, but my flight is at three and I need to find out what time the restaurant opens. I can't go anywhere without that purse, because I am now officially a nonperson with no ID and no plane ticket and No Lipstick."

Oh Patient One (raising a Sean Connery eyebrow at me): "Okay. Do you know where the restaurant is?"

Actually, that's a good point...

Me: "Um, can you just show me on the map?"

Oh Patient One (who should be panicking more but isn't): "Do you know where the hotel is on the map?"

Actually, that's a good point, too...

Me: "Um, can you show me that on the map, too?"

So Oh Patient One shows me where I am and where I am going to (about five minutes and two blocks away) and I trip off to the restaurant and discover that it doesn't open until an hour after my flight is scheduled to leave.

So I trudge wearily back to the hotel, making a mental check list of all the phone calls I'm going to have to make, and wondering if I will be stranded in Copenhagen for the rest of my life, and when I get back to the hotel room Oh Patient One is whistling cheerfully in the bathroom as he shaves, and I'm thinking, "So why is he so happy?" And then...

I see my purse on the bed.

Me (totally rapturous with relief): "Ohmygod. You found it. I love you. You're brilliant. But where was it? I looked everywhere."

Oh Patient One (sticking his head around the bathroom door): "You must have put it on the bed when we got back last night, and then we kicked off the comforter because it was hot and your purse was tangled up in it. I told you it had to be here somewhere."

Whew! Although that last comment was a bit smug.

So, we are about to go to breakfast and I can't find my hotel key. Obviously, this is my day for losing things.

Oh Patient One: "But you had it when you got back from the restaurant just now. It must be in your purse."

Me (emptying my purse for the tenth time): "But it's not here."

And then a thought occurs to me.

Me: "Can you just check your pockets to see if you picked it up by mistake?"

Oh Patient One (a bit sheepishly as he discovers two hotel keys in his pocket): "Oops, sorry."

And then we went for breakfast, and then we had another great day in Copenhagen, and then I got my flight back and nothing went wrong and all was well.

Michelle, back on Thursday with Danish pig racing...

Posted by Michelle at 7:12 AM