« Garden Gnomes | Main | In Which I Consider the Next (Maybe Not So) Great Thing »
September 17, 2005
Bow-chicka-bow-bow
From Lani, wishing for a fairy godmother with a magical Ambien prescription...
Check the time stamp on this entry. Yes, I'm up at four in the morning. Worse? I've been up since two-thirty.
Why? you ask. Is it heartburn? Sunburn? Rug burn?
Nope... but you're closest with that last one...
Not to be indelicate about it, but as it turns out, my upstairs neighbors are... amorous. And they have stamina. And a bed that is apparently right next to the wall. This has been my night.
thump thump thump
A pause. I almost fall back to sleep.
thumpthumpthump
Silence. I drift, my eyelids flutter, Colin Firth is wearing a three-piece suit, serving me tea and scones on a deserted island beach...
thumpthumpthumpthumpTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP
Sudden stop. I stare at the ceiling, fists clenched at my side like a Victorian bride. Surely, that's gotta be it, right? I close my eyes. I try to bring back Colin on the desert island, only this time I put him in silk boxers. Poor guy. That desert island is balmy. I'm just about to go back to sleep when...
thump thump thump
... aaaaaaaaaaand we're back where we started. At this point, I revved up the computer so I could tell y'all about it because... well. That's where you rank. You should be proud.
Anyway, although I haven't really spent much time talking to my upstairs neighbors, I can tell he's a considerate lover. Man, he was not gonna stop until she had her moment, he didn't care WHO HE HAD TO KEEP UP ALL FRIGGIN' NIGHT.
All I have to say is, if I see her in the laundry room and she's not smiling, I'm gonna knock her in the head with my big box o' Tide. Damn.
Posted by Lani at 4:07 AM | Comments (3)
Comments
Oh Lani!! Huge hugs! I can SO relate! The condo I lived in when I was studying for the bar exam, right out of law school, was on the end so I only had one neighbor. But he was MR. FREAKING DON JUAN!! He had different girlfriends coming in and out every month. But one was a SCREAMER. And of course, she was in the month right before the bar exam. And of course, our bedrooms shared a wall. So I'd hear, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH BABY OH BABY OH BABY, OH BABEEEEEEEEEEE several freaking times a night. It was killing me!! Finally, after the second week of it, I left him a note: DEAR OH BABY, Please remember that your neighbors would like to GET SOME FREAKING SLEEP once in a while.
He did calm down after that, although he would never look me in the eye or say hi from then on, and he moved out soon after . . .
hugs,
Alesia, still cringing at the thought
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at September 17, 2005 9:56 AM
Bwah ha ha ... I always felt sorry for the computer nerd who lived in the adjacent room in the condo next to mine in college.
On the plus side, I was probably his only source of sex education for that year. Poor bastard.
I think you and dear hubby should get a babysitter for the evening and then give them a run for their money. :^>
Posted by: Jennifer Jacula at September 17, 2005 3:38 PM
We had the same problem a few years ago. We could hear the guy upstairs .. em .. pleasuring himself. Well, I mean, we heard his orgasmic bellow every morning like clockwork. Fair enough - that was the way he liked to start the day. Couldn't look him in the eye though (or shake him by the hand).
Posted by: Keris Stainton at September 18, 2005 3:59 AM
