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September 20, 2005
So today I was rude to a clown
From Alesia, who also hates mimes
And before you say anything about DEADLINE STRESS or PMS or my obvious need for VALIUM, let me just point out that there is something creepy about clowns. SERIOUSLY creepy. Do you think it's just a coincidence that Stephen King wrote an entire book about an EVIL CLOWN OF DEATH???
And, really, if anyone of the rest of us went around DISGUISING OUR TRUE IDENTITY with really hideous makeup and fashion choices, wouldn't you wonder WHAT WE HAD TO HIDE?
Like a past history of axe murders??? And, before I start getting hate mail from the clown guild of America or something, let me just point out that HE STARTED IT.
We were in one of those buffet, family-style dinner places named something like WE KNOW YOUR'E TOO LAZY TO COOK FOR YOUR OWN KIDS or GET YOUR FOURTH PLATEFUL AND KISS YOUR WAISTLINE GOODBYE, and a clown walked by.
Naturally, I diverted the kids' attention to something else, so they didn't start waving and pointing or whining for little balloon animals. And, seriously, have you ever seen a SINGLE BALLOON ANIMAL THAT DID NOT LOOK LIKE AN OBSCENE OBJECT?
Freud would have a field day with balloon animals. (Caveat: Not that Freud wasn't a twisted, misogynistic freak. I'm just saying, maybe he wouldn't have been far off the mark with balloon animals.)
So, OF COURSE, our helpful server stops by. "Did you see CHUCKY THE CLOWN?" she says, ignoring my bared teeth and hissing noises.
[Now. Let's digress for a minute. CHUCKY??? The clown couldn't come up with a better name than CHUCKY??? As in the small, mutant puppet of movie fame who went around SLICING AND DICING PEOPLE INTO TINY, BLOOD-SOAKED PIECES??? THIS is the image you want to send to small children???]
Naturally, Princess and Science Boy [suddenly 'clowns are my friend Boy'] start clamoring for Chucky. I, being the responsible parent, see the CLOWN OF DEATH approaching and make a break for it and head for the carrot cake, leaving Navy Guy to deal with the clowns.
Except the clown follows me. And does that "LOOK HOW FUNNY I AM, I'M MIMICKING HER MOVEMENTS" thing.
The words CHUCKY, GET A DAMN JOB may or may not have come out of my mouth. That's all I'm admitting.
Alesia, the clown-o-phobe
Posted by Alesia at 6:52 PM | Comments (4)
Comments
All sane people feel that way about clowns. I totally freaked out at Disneyland when I was a little kid. All those grownup size Mickeys and Minnies grabbing little kids. Well, clearly they were up to no good, and they weren't getting their mitts on this cookie. Scarred for life. Me. Although my blood curdling shrieks may have left one particular Mickey Mouse with compromised hearing. Heh.
Posted by: BeeJay at September 21, 2005 1:32 AM
THANK YOU!! Lots of people are privately e-mailing me to say they are afraid of clowns, too, but are afraid to post in case SCARY CLOWN NINJAS attack them in their sleep.
alesia
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at September 21, 2005 11:20 AM
OMG. Yes. Clowns are E-VIL. You should have stabbed him with your salad fork. Yargh. Luckily, my kids are afraid of clowns, so I don't have to worry about it.
But, yeah, freaky.
Funny blog!
L.
Posted by: Lani ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at September 21, 2005 1:03 PM
Just don't start me on clowns and the scariness of them. Really. I'm with you all the way on the clown issue, hon.
Michelle :-)
Posted by: Michelle C at September 22, 2005 7:05 PM
