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January 9, 2006
Punctuality is for Wimps
Sometimes being late is rude, and sometimes it's an art form.
With rare and sporadic exceptions, I haven't been on time for anything since the first time I had a late period with consequences. I used to be compulsively punctual. If you had a coffee date with me at ten in the morning, I was there at exactly 9:55. Unless I was caught behind a funeral procession, a serious accident, or somebody's grandmother, I was early.
Then, I had my first daughter, and time went from old friend to despised enemy. When I started to venture out again after first having Sweetness, a friend who had also recently had a baby asked me to meet her and her daughter at the park between our houses.
"I'll be there in twenty minutes!" I said energetically, so excited to be getting out of the freakin' house.
"Um. Sure," she said supportively. She knew the truth, but didn't laugh, mock or snark. As you can probably tell by the company I keep on this blog, I've had great fortune in choosing my friends.
I hung up the phone, and got started assembling the various flotsam and jetsam that are required to take a baby anywhere. It was an experience. Let me just say that there are missile strikes that require less coordination than this outing did.
Okay. Car seat out of the car, into the stroller. Baby's crying, must feed baby, quickly quickly. Not going quickly. Okay, I'll just pack the diaper bag with the baby on the boob- OW! Okay, okay, baby doesn't like being jostled, I'll just... okay, she's done. In the playpen. Diapers, diaper cream, two blankets, toys, extra outfits just-in-case, wipes for the inevitable spit-up speed and distance event, pacifiers (even though she never takes them, a mother can dream) and OKAY! We're ready to go! Get the baby out of the playpen and OH MY GOD HOW IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A SWEET LITTLE GIRL TO SHOOT SO MUCH OUT OF ONE TINY LITTLE ORIFICE? All right, all right, diaper change, quick spritz under a shower spray OH MAN THAT'S NASTY, baby powder, change of clothes, I really like this outfit better anyway, snap her in the stroller while I quickly get all this stuff into the washer, check myself out quickly in the mirror before OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME THAT STUFF ON MY SHIRT ISN'T WHAT I THINK IT IS! It is. Okay, okay, quick change...
Well. You get the idea. When I showed up thirty-eight minutes late, my friend didn't say a word.
She's a really good friend.
Six years later and I've still never made it anywhere in twenty minutes. As a matter of fact, as much as possible, I try not to even commit to dates and times. It's usually, "Hey, if you're at the mall on Wednesday sometime that might vaguely be mistaken for morning, perhaps we might see each other." When I do make a time commitment, I make the date at least a week ahead of time, put a reminder in my computer to pop up the night before and an hour prior on the day, and then? I just pray. But I find that lowered expectations make a big difference. My good friend CJ Barry and I have regular coffee dates, once or twice a month, and she only raises an eyebrow when I'm on time. Even then, she does it subtly, and without judgment.
She's got kids, too.
This blog was brought to you by Beth's latest release, Fashionably Late, a story about love, family, fashion... and what a difference it can make if you're just willing to rip out a seam or two.
Posted by Lani at 7:15 AM | Comments (21)
Comments
I call this Mommy Time.
Posted by: Whitney ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at January 9, 2006 8:04 AM
Except this only lasts until they start school. Then you suddenly have to be on time for stuff. I think Science Boy had the record for "tardy" at our school in Florida and it was always my fault. They had some certificate for 'perfect attendance.'
Really? I scoff at your perfect attendance. Who really wants to be awarded just for being a warm butt in a chair, right?
Did I mention that our freaking school bus here in Virginia comes at SEVEN TEN IN THE FREAKING MORNING???? This is inhumane by any standard.
Alesia, who hasn't had enough coffee yet
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at January 9, 2006 8:25 AM
Whitney - Mommy time! Do they make watches that keep Mommy time? Because then when I'm horribly late and totally embarrassed I could pull out the watch and say, "But SEE? By MOMMY TIME, which really is the only time for anybody who's anybody, I'm actually THREE AND A HALF MONTHS EARLY!" Those watches would sell like mad!
Alesia - Seven ten? That's just wrong. No, that's worse than wrong. It's evil. No, it's worse than evil, it's... Martha Stewart-evil. :::shudder::: Man, that woman's scary.
Posted by: Lani at January 9, 2006 8:58 AM
ROTFL! You caught me Lani! Really. Kids = TIME SUCKERS. Totally. Just when I thought I could, you know, get to a friend's house in time for say, ADULT conversation. I have a kid and I can barely get my butt out of bed and ready for the day in under 3 hours.
[Shrug] Tis life right? And hey, one day when they've all left the nest and we have time back to ourselves, who says we have to magically arrive on time. I say we really do keep it as our own Mommy time. We earned it right?
Posted by: Bethany at January 9, 2006 9:11 AM
LOL Bethany - I think you're right! Mommy time for everyone!
Posted by: Lani at January 9, 2006 9:31 AM
OMG. 7:10? I thought 7:30 was bad. I can't blame the early bus time for tardiness, though--it was much worse before we moved, and I had to walk the youngest to school a half mile away. It took us about 10 minutes to walk, and we didn't have to get there until 8:45.
It's still just as humiliating when you're an adult to get called into the principal's office for being tardy too often.
Love the quote, Lani. Sometimes being late is rude, and sometimes it's an art form. I think it's my new motto.
Posted by: Darla at January 9, 2006 10:03 AM
Is there enough coffee in the world to make it okay to get your kid to a bus stop at 7:10 in the morning? I can't imagine . . .
Posted by: Eileen at January 9, 2006 10:49 AM
I was reading this right before I was supposed to be at the library for story time... I was just on time according to mommy time though! ;) Oh, don't get me started on "mommy weight" Bleh.
Posted by: Amber at January 9, 2006 11:41 AM
7:10?
As in 7:10 ***A.M.***?
Nope, never heard of it.
Posted by: Beth at January 9, 2006 3:37 PM
LOL Although the first time you were late, I thought I was in the wrong mall. After that, I knew. It was just the kids.
It gets better, I promise, and along the way you have all those wonderful little celebrations. The day you can leave the house without a diaper bag, the day you smile & hand off your car seat to a young mother, the day you can walk out of the room and leave your kids alone and know they won't burn down the house. That one takes a while. It gets better, but then, it gets lonelier too. :)
CJ
Posted by: CJ at January 9, 2006 6:36 PM
7:10? Puh-leeze, that's for wimps. At least you can put yours on a bus! My oldest goes to a Magnet school (in Tennessee) which means NO TRANSPORTATION is provided. I not only have to have my kid ready to go by 7:00, I have to be dressed and AWAKE enough to drive him there myself! Okay, well not really dressed, but I have to tuck the nightgown under the jacket far enough to pass for dressed and pray the car doesn't break down.
Posted by: Teble at January 9, 2006 11:22 PM
I know exactly how you feel...
Posted by: TeresaH at January 10, 2006 5:50 AM
I have to get up at 0530 just to get myself, my house and my ONE CHILD ready to get to school by 0830 (and I DRIVE him).
Who made up these un-godly hours anyway????
Posted by: Jen at January 10, 2006 6:15 AM
I suppose this wouldn't be the time to mention that with three kids, I am chronically early. Always have been. The problem becomes when things like what happened last night come about. I was my normal 15-minutes early for a meeting no one told me was going to be a half hour late! Try keeping kids entertained and on the ground for 45 BEFORE the meeting starts. (Let alone during the meeting.)
See, you guys would have been right on time!
Posted by: Cate at January 10, 2006 9:11 AM
Wait, you're... early for things? I mean... early? Really? Not just on time but... early?
I'm not sure I understand. It's like quantum physics. It seems to make sense on the surface, but I just can't wrap my mind around...
Early? Really?
Hmmm.
;)
Posted by: Lani at January 10, 2006 9:30 AM
LOL Why do I feel a "shut up, Cate" coming on?
Posted by: Cate at January 10, 2006 9:33 AM
No. It's not that, it's just... really? Early?
I still don't get it. ;)
Posted by: Lani at January 10, 2006 9:36 AM
Hey, that was me you met at the park all those years ago, wasn't it!? I loved meeting you and would have waited for hours because you made being a new mom so fun! You made the worst parts funny, quite a talent, especially being so sleep deprived. Good times, good times. :)
Posted by: Eileen C at January 10, 2006 11:04 AM
What is this 'early' of which you speak?
Posted by: Eileen at January 10, 2006 11:07 AM
Yes, lovely Eileen C, that was you! And thanks for the kind words. Methinks the sleep deprivation made you think I was funnier than I was, but that's okay. If it works in my favor, I don't argue!
And to avoid confusion, maybe you should go by Laura here, huh, EC? That way these readers can start to get to know their next favorite author... ;)
Posted by: Lani at January 10, 2006 11:26 AM
Oh lord, it doesn't get any better when they get older. The 710 AM school bus? Yep, ours picks them up right in front of the house, so that is one worry off the list. When I realized I would be going to work before they got up I spent 3 months training them how to get up, dressed, and ready to go on their own so I wouldn't have to worry! But of course they are my daughters so there are plenty of days where at least one of them is running out the door with their shoes in their hands...
And as for the mommy time. Last night the girls went to homecoming and I told DD#1 to call me when the game was almost over since we live about 30 minutes from their school. Welllll, took hubby out for nice quiet dinner and on the way home the girls called. OK, I can do this, no problem. Except when I went to drop hubby off at home I discovered that my precious pup, whom I had spayed yesterday morning, had crapped all over my living room, and the big dog apparently couldn't stand the smell because he barfed all over the living room! So I had to spend the time I was SUPPOSED to be driving to pick up DD's #1&2 cleaning the carpet... Can you say "EEEWWWW"?!! Then I get another call from DD#1 and I invoked "mommy time"--"I told you I was on the way--I will be there shortly!" Of course, they weren't upset--after all, I'm there MOM--when have I EVER been on time?!! LOL! So breathe easy and relax, Lani and the rest of y'all--mommy time is good forever!!
Posted by: Sheri at January 14, 2006 10:39 AM
