« Being late . . . | Main | A series of really, REALLY unfortunate events »
January 13, 2006
But It's Too Late Baby, Now It's Too Late
Ah, what could have been . . .
You know the saying: it’s never too late?
That’s a crock.
In fact, here’s a smattering of things that it’s too late for me to do:
Become a top-ranked tennis player.
Perform a split.
Attend one of those leafy, picturesque Northeastern prep schools.
Wear a bikini in public. (I have worn one in the past, but will never do so again, thank you stretch marks and baby fat).
Marry a Scotsman (who will wear a kilt to our wedding, but who will not insist on bagpipes being played).
Become a teen idol popstar, a la Britney.
Nope, those ships have sailed. And that’s okay. Because there’s other stuff I might get around to doing before it’s too late . . .
Like maybe I’ll actually manage to run in a half-marathon some day. Or (and I have to admit, this is less likely) even a full marathon. Maybe I’ll someday fulfill my dreams of having a house on the beach, or living in London. Maybe I’ll get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Maybe one of my books will make the New York Times bestseller list (this would help enormously with the aforementioned beach house and townhouse in London). Maybe I’ll get to meet my grandchildren, or even my great-grandchildren.
And, hell, as long as I’m dreaming, maybe I’ll learn how to stop my dog from barking at every squirrel that scampers across the street. Or maybe I’ll invent a self-changing diaper. Or an all-brownie diet. Or a car that solves all of my problems, like Kitt in Knight Rider.
Or, you know what would be a really cool thing to invent? A robot maid, like the one that the Jetsons had. What was her name? Rosie? I mean, what’s the point of all of this technology, if we can’t put it to work cleaning our homes?
So I guess it isn’t too late to do all sorts of cool stuff. I’m just not going to be doing any of it in a bikini.
This blog was brought to you by Beth's latest release, Fashionably Late, a story about love, family, fashion... and what a difference it can make if you're just willing to rip out a seam or two.
Posted by Whitney at 8:16 AM | Comments (8)
Comments
That robot maid? Can you send me one, quick? Or two, even? One that helps with homework?
And bikinis are overrated, anyway.
hugs,
Alesia
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at January 13, 2006 9:49 AM
I think you might still be able to do the split thing, too. It just might require medical care afterwards.
Posted by: Eileen at January 13, 2006 11:50 AM
Add me to that list of wanting a Rosie the Robot!
And the bikini thing - ever dive into a pool and then the top or bottom kind of slipped? Yup. Mine did. Both, but not at the same time.
Michelle, sworn forever off wearing one
Posted by: Michelle at January 13, 2006 11:55 AM
Hey, as long as you're inventing things, can you try your hand at a time machine? I have this deadline, and a few extra weeks would be great. Thanks!
Posted by: Beth at January 13, 2006 12:31 PM
Oooh, better yet - make a robot version of that monkey that can supposedly write Shakespeare and program him to write inspiring, hilarious and heartfelt women's fiction. Then send him to my house and :::ahem::: tell no one. :::wink:::
Posted by: Lani at January 13, 2006 4:42 PM
Oh, I do so have to laugh at some of your delusional thoughts--get back to your pre-baby weight?! Ha! Didn't you know that is only possible if you are a model or movie star? I have to applaud the half-marathon goal, however. Heck, if I could get my fat behind around the BLOCK I would think I was doing great!! LOL! But I'm totally with you on the beach house thing--guess I should quit reading everyone else's blogs and get busy on my OWN writing... One thing it is NEVER too late to do is PROCRASTINATE!!! Gotta think beach house--stay focused--ooo, wait , do I smell BROWNIES?! Uh, gotta go!!
Posted by: Sheri at January 14, 2006 9:45 AM
Whitney,
You are so funny. I love reading your blog and I'm glad you are writing over here with the Lit Chick. I have been hooked since I read Pushing 30, and as a new mom myself, I sometimes think we are cut from the same cloth! Keep up the laughs
Lauren
Posted by: Lauren at January 14, 2006 4:05 PM
Thank you, Lauren!
And Sheri, I am not delusional! Unless you consider it delusional to buy a dress in a size smaller than I actually wear, in the hopes that I'll lose enough weight to fit into it in two weeks, when I'm going to a semi-formal thing. Ok, I guess that is sort of delusional . . . sigh.
Posted by: Whitney at January 14, 2006 5:43 PM
