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January 18, 2006
Monobrow!
So, facial hair...
This is a conversation I had with Oh Patient One the other day...
Oh Patient One (with the satisfied air of one who is organized): "I've made an appointment for Teenager #2 to have his hair cut before the new school term starts."
Me (horrified): "But. But. But he can't have his hair cut for at least another month. He'll never live it down!"
Oh Patient One (totally perplexed): "But he needs a haircut. His bangs are in his eyes and the poor guy can hardly see."
Me (patiently): "Yes - that's the whole point!"
Oh Patient One (shaking his head): "Michelle, sometimes you are a mystery to me."
Me (a bit smugly): "Yes, I know, dear. It's a woman thing - you know - part of my mystique."
Oh Patient One (grinning): "Well, Teenager #2 not having a haircut is certainly mystiqe-ful. Very intriguing. Because usually you can't stand it when his hair gets to this shaggy stage and he looks like nobody owns him. And then you nag him until he gets it cut."
Me (sniffing a bit indignantly): I never nag. I simply remind. I prompt. I encourage. But I definitely don't nag. Nope. No nagging from me.
Oh Patient One (holding up his hands in defeat, because apart from being patient he is also wise): "Okay, okay, you don't nag. You just remind and prompt and encourage. Got it. But why, on this occasion, are you not reminding/prompting/encouraging Teenager #2 to get a hair cut? Why have you suddenly become anti haircut?"
Me: "I'm not anti haircut. I'm just anti monobrow."
Oh Patient One (now really confused): "Monobrow? What on earth are you talking about?"
Me (realizing that Oh Patient One hasn't noticed): "Teenager #2, of course! Remember that party he went to on New Year's Eve at his friend's house? Well, while he was asleep one of his friends helpfully shaved off one of his eyebrows, so now he is Monobrow Man!"
Oh Patient One (stunned): "Really? God, I hadn't noticed. Why did you notice but I didn't?"
Me: "Well, it could be something to do with the fact that I am a foot shorter than you and Teenager #2, so when I look at him I am actually looking up at him and can see under his bangs. Whereas you are eye to eye with him so can't see under his bangs. Or it could just be my womanly mystique thing at work, again."
Oh Patient One (with a gleam in his eye - is he laughing at me? I think he might be, just a bit.): "Okay, no haircut for at least another month until the eyebrow has grown back. Just one thing..."
Me: "Yes, dear?"
Oh Patient One: "Well, why is he Monobrow Man rather than, you know, Unibrow Man? Because he could easily be referred to as Unibrow Man, instead."
Me (patiently): "No. Unibrow would indicate a person with one eyebrow which runs all the way over both eyes with no gap in the middle. Monobrow is definitely someone with one eyebrow over one eye. See? It's logical."
At this point Oh Patient One is rolling around the floor laughing his head off...
Oh Patient One (when he has finally stopped): "I love your logic."
Me (even more smugly): "Yes, dear, I know - it's all part of my mystique."
Michelle, apparently mysterious - and logical!
PS. Have you ever shaved off an eyebrow by mistake? Or has someone played a similar prank on you? Or have you had a disaster with eyelash/eyebrow/hair color? Come on, fess up!
Posted by Michelle at 9:02 AM | Comments (14)
Comments
Michelle, thanks for making me laugh!
Posted by: May at January 18, 2006 10:37 AM
Well, I did kinda overwax last week and am drawing in a teeny tiny bit of my left one until it grows back. :-)
Posted by: Cate at January 18, 2006 10:47 AM
It wasn't even that long ago! I decided that I could save time and money by doing my own eyebrows rather than going to the salon. It was fine until I decided to use the regular scissors to just trim them a bit.
I looked like I had mange. I had to draw portions of my eyebrow back in with eyeliner for close to a month.
Posted by: Eileen at January 18, 2006 11:41 AM
Horrible, horrible hair straightening disaster - and I did it to myself!! Had to cut about 2 feet of length off. Hair straw-like - awful! And then there was the really hideous awful perm in high school - my hair is so thick I looked like a poodle who'd plugged her paw into an electrical outlet for weeks.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at January 18, 2006 11:51 AM
My horrible hair disasters were always letting my grandmother perm my hair when I was little. Thank goodness I finally got over faving to have my hair curly.
And if I don't keep that regular 6 week eyebrow appointment, I begin to form that dreaded unibrow.
Posted by: Hope at January 18, 2006 12:15 PM
Had to laugh at the whole Monobrow discussion -- I agree -- there's some definite Mystique going on there!
Haven't had that problem myself, but a friend described a buddy from his college days once. The guy went to sleep on the downstairs sofa at the frat house after too many beers. His friends shaved PART of his eyebrows so they were about each about an inch long. A very odd look, I'm told. Highly amusing to all but the Shaven One.
And of course my youngest daughter gave herself the obligatory awful haircut -- three times. Once it was very crooked bangs, the second time she gave herself a pageboy that was lopsided (by about four inches difference, left to right), and the third time she was hot and wanted her beautiful little curly blonde pigtails down -- so she cut them off. All before age 5. I finally sat her down and convinced her I was going to shave her head and paint it yellow in lieu of hair if she snipped another single hair. She apparently believed me.
Great posting!
Posted by: Carolyn Bahm at January 18, 2006 12:41 PM
Oh, poor Monobrow Man! I hope he got his friend back. Like, maybe a mustache drawn on with permanent marker?
I once followed some dreadful advice from the late make-up artist to the stars, Kevin Aucoin, and bleached my eyebrows blonde with some mustache bleach. Here's my advice: don't ever, ever try this.
Posted by: Whitney at January 18, 2006 1:14 PM
I had an overplucking incident which I can't forget because it happened right before I got my picture taken for my university ID, in which I look oddly surprised.
Great story, Michelle! And much luck to ol' monobrow for a speedy regrowth!
Posted by: Lani at January 18, 2006 1:25 PM
what is mustache bleach? why would someone want to bleach his mustache? sounds odd . . .
alesia, who doesn't like mustaches at ALL, no matter what color
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at January 18, 2006 7:29 PM
How funny!
I don't have enough eyebrows to pluck much less shave off!
Posted by: TeresaH at January 19, 2006 6:08 AM
Oh, thank you for giving me a laugh with your stories, gals (and despite rolling on the floor, I am truly sorry for your hair/eyebrow/bleach disasters).
So, Monobrow, The Sequel. Fortunately, he woke up before they got both of his eyebrows...or is that unfortunately, because if both had been shaved off at least they'd match!
Posted by: Michelle at January 19, 2006 8:43 AM
what is mustache bleach?
It's this stuff.
Posted by: Whitney at January 19, 2006 9:20 AM
Oh, Alesia, mustache bleach is not for men's mustaches. I actually don't see the point anyway. Why is it better for a woman to have a blonde mustache than a brunette one?
Posted by: Eileen at January 19, 2006 10:48 AM
help!my hairdresser has turned my hair yellow is it safe to dye it dark brown?everybodys been laughing at me at skool!
Posted by: sarah at April 20, 2006 2:23 PM
