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February 1, 2006

Happy to Be ... A Homebody!

From Brenda, February's Guest Literary Chick

I’m thrilled to be blogging here at Literary Chicks this month, and still blushing over Lani’s gushing introduction of me. My head is spinning over all the attention my book has been getting ... although to be honest, whenever I see something wonderful written about me, I have to look twice to make sure it’s not a typo.

Like when Lani writes FREAKIN’ FABULOUS forty times in her intro, I’m thinking maybe she meant to write FREAKIN’ FATUOUS, or FREAKISHLY FATHEADED. Or that she, like the rest of America, got my book confused with the new TV show “Love Monkey” and the book it’s based on, and meant to invite that author to be a Guest Literary Chick ... even though he’s a guy.

O.K., so I’m a wee bit insecure.

It probably comes from having spent half my life thinking I was ugly—and worse, that my entire family acknowledged, accepted, and openly spoke about my ugliness at family gatherings.

And all because my Swiss stepfather screwed up his suffixes.

My stepdad was born in Switzerland, lived all over Europe, and speaks several languages fluently. He met my mother when I was seven, and they dated for ten years before they got engaged. When he finally popped the question, one Christmas morning when I was in my teens, he began with a speech about how much he loved being part of our family. He went around the room, waxing poetic about my sisters and I, and how much we’d grown since he first met us.

He turned to my older sister first, saying, “You were such a tomboy, always climbing trees.” Then to my younger sister, he said, "You were always doing cartwheels." He told my youngest sister, “You used to run around the house without any underpants on!”

Then it was my turn. “And you were homeless,” he said, smiling. “So very homeless.”

I was pretty sure that at age seven I had not actually lived on the streets, so I spoke up. “Um… I think you mean homely.” (And by the way, thanks.)

He nodded vigorously, still grinning. “Yes, you were a homely girl.”

I knew he loved me as much as he loved my obviously more attractive sisters, but it was a huge blow to hear him describe me like that. It was especially hurtful because it was true—I had been a homely child. I had an overbite, crooked teeth, and thick, unmanageable hair. My clothes were chronically mismatched and I had beauty marks on my face, which were so hideous that I once tried to surgically remove them with all sorts of kitchen and bathroom accessories (don’t try this at home!).

By my teens, I was “growing into” my looks (or so they told me), and while I didn’t think I’d be homecoming queen, I thought I’d do okay in life, and maybe even land a date to the prom.

Until, with a single word, my stepfather shattered my already fragile self-esteem.

My mother tried to soften the blow, saying something about Europeans being much more blunt than we “tactful” Americans. I remember thinking how cruel Europeans must be, to go around telling children they were ugly.

Fast forward twenty years. I’m visiting my Mom and stepdad, and over breakfast he starts reminiscing again, talking about my sisters and their tree-climbing, cartwheeling, pantyless exploits. Then he turned to me and said, “And you were homeless.”

I corrected him again. “I wasn’t home-less, I was home-ly!”

“That’s right,” he nodded. “You were so homely! Always in your room with your nose in a book.”

I could almost see the clouds parting and hear the angels singing as comprehension dawned. “You thought I was a … homebody?!”

He shrugged. Homeless, homely, homebody, what’s the difference?

All those years I’d believed my stepdad thought I was ugly, when he was just referring to how I would hole up in my room for hours reading Nancy Drew mysteries when everyone else was outside playing. Heck, I was a homebody. I still am. And proud of it.

Maybe I wasn’t ugly after all. And maybe Lani meant it when she said my book is freakin’ fabulous. After all, she’s not Swiss, so she has no excuse.

Posted by at 4:35 AM | Comments (15)

Comments

Posted by: Lani at February 1, 2006 7:57 AM

Posted by: Whitney at February 1, 2006 12:55 PM

Posted by: Beth at February 1, 2006 1:36 PM

Posted by: Whitney at February 1, 2006 2:05 PM

Posted by: Eileen at February 1, 2006 3:02 PM

Posted by: Lani at February 1, 2006 3:27 PM

Posted by: Beth at February 1, 2006 5:38 PM

Posted by: Alesia Holliday at February 1, 2006 10:20 PM

Posted by: Tai Shan at February 2, 2006 12:45 AM

Posted by: Ramon at February 2, 2006 1:09 PM

Posted by: Whitney at February 2, 2006 1:56 PM

Posted by: Lauren at February 2, 2006 8:41 PM

Posted by: Kristan at February 2, 2006 10:27 PM

Posted by: Michelle at February 3, 2006 9:31 AM

Posted by: John at February 7, 2006 10:35 PM