« I am, too, a bad ass | Main | Indestructible Food »
February 22, 2006
Inadvertent Insults
... From Brenda, February's Guest Literary Chick
Before I get to the real point of this, my last blog as February’s Guest Chick, and announce the winners of the “Win Some Monkey Love” contest, I wanted to share something that happened this weekend.
I was in my two-year-old son’s room, attempting to change his diaper, but he kept squirming away to play with his older brother (my 10-year-old stepson). I was sitting on a throw rug, which, like everything else in the room, is decorated with animals (naturally). Lacking the energy to get up and chase him, I patted the spot on the carpet where I wanted him to plop his petite behind. “Sit on the hippo,” I told him.
He ignored me.
“Sit on the hippo,” I repeated, exhaustion and frustration creeping into my voice. “Come on, Sweetie. Sit on the hippo.”
At which point he walked toward me, turned, and sat on my lap.
Needless to say, my stepson found this hysterically funny and kept shouting, “He thinks you’re a hippo!” while rolling on the floor.
While I don’t really believe my two-year-old intended to infer that I am one of the earth’s largest land animals, the exchange did make me consider a new diet plan.
It also made me think of other inadvertent insults I’ve endured. Thankfully, like a hippo (which I’m not), I’m very thick-skinned. Intentional or not, most insults roll off my back like water off a hippo’s hide (still … not).
Like this one: A well-endowed friend, in the changing room at the gym, told me, “You’re lucky you’re so flat-chested; you don’t have to worry about wearing a sports bra when you work out.”
Then there was the coworker who, upon meeting me, said I look exactly like a girl she went to high school with, then proceeded to tell me the girl had abnormal amounts of body hair and an unnatural body odor.
More recently, I’ve been hearing from friends, family, and acquaintances who have read my novel, Monkey Love. They all think it’s hilarious (maybe even FREAKIN’ FABULOUS). But the most common remark goes something like this: “I had no idea you were so funny, Brenda. You always seem so .…”
They always trail off, then, as though realizing there’s no good way to fill in that particular blank. “Serious”? "Dull?" Mind-numbingly boring”? Or just plain “not funny.”
Not one person has said to me, “Oh my gosh, I was completely unsurprised at how funny your book is, because you are knee-slappingly hilarious in real life!”
That’s okay. My two-year-old thinks his mommy is funny, and, aside from mistaking me for a two-ton pachyderm, has demonstrated exceedingly good judgment in his young life.
Have you been on the receiving end of an inadvertent insult, whether humorous or hurtful? Let me know. My run here is finished, but you can always stop by my website.…
Thanks to Lani, Michelle, Alesia, Eileen, Whitney, and Beth! It has been an honor and a pleasure to be a temporary Literary Chick.
And before I forget, the winners of the Monkey Love contest are: Dorre Reiss of Passaic, NJ, and Maureen Emmons of Yardley, PA. Congratulations!
Posted by at 12:28 AM | Comments (12)
Comments
yay I won I never win anything!! Thanks =)
Posted by: Dorre Reiss at February 22, 2006 7:07 AM
My mother in law told me "You keep a lovely home for a woman who works." I'm choosing to take it as a compliment.
Posted by: Eileen at February 22, 2006 12:52 PM
I was once stalked by a guy in college who told me (on one of the few occasions when he was able to corner me), "I'm surprised that I'm so into you. Normally I go for girls with pretty faces and bad bodies, not the other way around."
Inferring, I think, that I had a great body, but not a pretty face.
And this is from someone who was attempting to woo me (albeit in a scary, serial murderer sort of way).
If it makes you feel any better, Brenda, my two-year-old son refuses to kiss me, but he practically makes out with his stuffed hippo. Apparently, at least in his eyes, I'm less kissable than a two-ton pachyderm.
Posted by: Whitney ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at February 22, 2006 1:48 PM
I'm still mad about being called Charlotte York.
I'll never get over it.
Posted by: Beth at February 22, 2006 4:16 PM
Scene: Princess's first-grade class:
Teacher: A woman is coming to tell us about the kinds of toys children played with 200 years ago.
Little girl: Is the woman 200 years old?
Little boy [Looking at me]: Is it Mrs. Holliday?
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at February 22, 2006 4:34 PM
Well, I don't know how inadvertent it was...this total stranger who was in line at the ladies at a rock concert told me I should go on Weight Watchers so I could lose weight and be thin like her. I was maybe 20 pounds over my ideal weight, while she was easily 60-70 pounds overweight. Even though I *knew* I couldn't look like I was fatter than her, I began to fear the worst. And common sense does nothing to make you feel better.
Posted by: BeeJay at February 23, 2006 2:54 AM
This happened quite a few years ago when I was in a school play and carrying a few extra pounds.
Would-be Boyfriend: "There are five thin smoothy serpants and one fat one." (Meaning me.)
Not a good pick-up line...
Michelle
Posted by: Michelle C at February 23, 2006 6:51 AM
This part--
Then there was the coworker who, upon meeting me, said I look exactly like a girl she went to high school with, then proceeded to tell me the girl had abnormal amounts of body hair and an unnatural body odor.
had me cracking up. I'm sorry, but it's hysterical! Thanks for the laugh.
And yes, I've been insulted in similar ways, mostly by children, though.
Posted by: Faith Bicknell-Brown at February 23, 2006 5:02 PM
My personal fave? "Your hair looks so much better this way!"
Posted by: Eileen at February 23, 2006 7:03 PM
Thanks so much for picking my name. You haven't been insulted until your teenage daughter picks you apart feature by feature. She can't stand that she has my nose, why did she get stuck with her father's eyes and eyebrows, thank God she doesn't have my freckles.
Posted by: Maureen at February 24, 2006 2:02 PM
Brenda,
I just wanted to add - thank you SO MUCH for being our guest this month, and for entertaining us with your wonderful stories!
Love,
Michelle :-)
Posted by: Michelle C at February 24, 2006 3:02 PM
Michelle, it's been my pleasure!
And thanks everyone for sharing your own "inadvertent" insults with me. Alesia, you look fabulous for being over 200 years old!
-Brenda
Posted by: Brenda at February 24, 2006 4:19 PM
