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March 14, 2006
Something platinum, something Prada
And don't forget the pre-nup...
I recently read a neuropsych study in which the researchers concluded that for all practical purposes, our brains make little distinction between our dearest friends and the celebs we see on the cover of Us Weekly. This is because evolution can’t keep up with technology, and the facial recognition portion of the brain sends the same neural messages whether we’re looking at our college roommate or Lindsay Lohan. There was no TV in the Stone Age, no movies or magazines or internet sex tapes. As far as the temporal lobe is concerned, since we’re exposed to images of La Lohan on a regular basis, we feel as though we “know” her.
This would explain the ongoing interest that society has with celebrities, be it the British royals or J. Lo. Tom and Katie might as well be our next-door neighbors, from a cognitive neuroscience perspective. (And yes, Lani, Colin Firth might as well be your pool boy.) When stars deluge us with photos and press releases for all their weddings, babies, and break-ups, this adds to the temporal lobe’s confusion. So it’s no wonder that People has a sky-high circulation. Our fascination with the Ben-Jen-Angelina saga is biological hardwiring!
So now I know why I have the compulsion to sit around and watch wedding specials on E! and VH1. I love me some celebrity weddings. The designer gowns, the huge guest lists, the outrageous price tags…did you know that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt allegedly got matching his-n-her highlights for their Malibu ceremony? You get to see the fairy-tale results without having to slog through any of the wedding planning or springing for a gift from the registry at Tiffany or Bergdorf Goodman. You get to marvel at how perfect one’s “perfect day” can look on paper, even if the clock is audibly ticking down to the sordid divorce. You don’t have to concern yourself with whether the groom will be a good parent or partner—he looks great in an Armani tux; case closed. And then, of course, there are the celebrity brides that you just wish you could pull aside and administer a stern, sisterly talking-to. (“Run, run while you can! And don’t give me that ‘But I looove heee-im” crap; the man is a walking STD in a goatee.”)
So, inquiring minds want to know: Who are you rooting for in the ruthless arena of celebrity hook-ups? Who were you disappointed to see split up? I myself will confess a pathetic, lingering regret that Nick and Jessica couldn’t work it out. (Hanging head in shame.) I know I’m a sap and the whole thing has turned into a mud-slinging brawl, but they got married at about the same time I did and those crazy kids used to seem so in love…
This blog was brought to you by Un-Bridaled, Eileen’s hilarious new novel about a commitment-phobic bride and love on the run!
Posted by Beth at 2:11 AM | Comments (7)
Comments
Yea! Dishing celebs!
OK.
TomKat creeps me out. I just want to whisk her off to a deprogrammer. And that whole Scientologist thing about having to stay quiet while you give birth? Totally bonkers.
Matthew McConaughey has got to dump Penelope Cruz. He can do better, he can.
I'm rooting for Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. They're adorable together.
Posted by: Whitney ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at March 14, 2006 8:11 AM
I agree with Whitney, TomKat definitely needs to be over. It's creepy. I'm waiting for the plastic bubblewrap suits next...
I can't root for Jennifer and Vince, because I want Vince for myself. Lauren and Vince, yes, that's much nicer.
I miss Bruce and Demi, although I think they're one of the most positive divorces celebrity or otherwise. I have to commend them on the united front they present for their kids, I think that's incredible.
Posted by: laurenjharwood at March 14, 2006 8:26 AM
Go back to that whole Colin Firth as the pool boy thing... assuming I had a pool, of course.
Now wait a minute. Have to sit back and think about that a moment.
Posted by: Cate at March 14, 2006 11:00 AM
I have to cheer for Jennifer Garner and Ben Afflick. She's too cute for words. TomKat makes me want to take a shower. Paris Hilton makes me want to smack her and tell her to stand up straight- why, why, must she always jut one hip out?
Posted by: Eileen at March 14, 2006 11:43 AM
I got so upset for Jennifer when Brad and Angelina announced their pregnancy that Cowboy banned me from looked at tabloids in the grocery line. If he had to hear, "you can see her heartbreak in her eyes!" one more time, he was going to tie me to the bed and not allow me access to the outside world.
TomKat totally creeps me out, but then Tom Cruise has always creeped me out. Did you see MAGNOLIA? I got a bad feeling that he wasn't acting in that movie.
I won't go see any move with Russell Crowe because I can't forgive him for breaking up Meg and Dennis.
Posted by: Eileen at March 14, 2006 12:09 PM
Am I the only one who thinks Britney Spears is beong brought down by her husband? I WANT them to break up. And yes, Tomkat is/are creepy.
Posted by: Brandy at March 15, 2006 3:02 AM
Well, Beth, thank you for enlightening us on that interesting article... must explain why I'm a closet celeb watcher. I don't subscribe to magazines, watch E! or anything but I check out people.com and the MSN gossip page at work. LOL I'd deny it to no end if asked though... I hate giving celebrities more importance than they deserve (which should really hover around zero.)Anyway...
I'm on the same page as Whitney. TomKat is the dartboard I need darts for. Yuck! Did you see Katie's interview for W last year? If you didn't... it'll guarantee you a laugh. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8512174/
I really like Jennifer Garner too... she has the girl next door quality that makes me wish her and Ben are together longer than the usual celeb marriage.
Now, this will be bitchy of me but I also root for celebs to break up... like say Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. LOL Please don't tell me I'm the only one?! ;)
Posted by: Amber at March 15, 2006 3:41 PM
