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March 21, 2006
The heart is a lonely hunter…
…and often a lousy judge of character
I have had my fair share of horrible dates. There was the guy who stopped me outside the science library at UCLA, professed to be a medical student, and convinced me to meet him for coffee. While we sipped our lattes, I jokingly quizzed him on the 12 cranial nerves, only to discover that he didn’t know most of them and that he was, in fact, a big fat liar. He wasn’t a med student at all; he was—wait for it—a dental student. Why he would lie about such a trivial distinction, I do not know. I didn’t stick around to find out.
Then there was the guy who seemed normal at first but soon started pestering me to wear “really, really sexy shoes” wherever we went, even the grocery store or a matinee; the guy who secretly slipped vodka into my cranberry juice when I was taking medicine and had specifically requested juice only (I’m pretty sure he’s still deaf in one ear from my incensed screeching); the guy who wooed me with chocolate and flowers and constant phone calls and begged me to be his date for his brother’s wedding two weeks hence…and then, after I had bought a smashing cocktail dress and a new lipstick for the occasion, never contacted me again (still a mystery—the theory is he may have returned to an ex); and, of course, the blind date who called me to arrange our first meeting and within thirty seconds of introducing himself, asked me my bra size (this, of course, was in Los Angeles. And no, I didn’t meet up with him. Given his priorities, he would have been woefully disappointed, even if I had.)
So I was fascinated when one of my girlfriends mentioned that there’s now a website that can help you pre-screen the ne’er-do-wells. Don’t date him, girl is like a global database where women can red flag the cheaters and track them like tagged bears in the wild. Viva the internet! Viva sisterhood! And viva the 12 cranial nerves, because God only knows what else that skeevy lout was lying about.
This blog was brought to you by The Lone Star Lonely Hearts Club, Susan McBride’s latest Deputante Dropout Mystery!
Posted by Beth at 1:53 AM | Comments (9)
Comments
Ah! Beth! I love it! If only they'd had that site when we were single, huh?
Posted by: Lani ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at March 21, 2006 6:26 AM
Ooo, I love the idea of that website!
I had my share of stinkers, too. For some reason, I kept getting dumped with the line: "You're the woman I'm meant to marry, but I'm not ready for that yet." Multiple times! From different men! None of whom I wanted to marry!
Then there was the guy who broke up with me -- note: he broke up with me -- who several weeks later saw me out on a date with another guy, and tried to run us over in his car.
I'd just about lost all hope . . . and then I met George, and never looked back.
Posted by: Whitney at March 21, 2006 9:52 AM
One would think that a dental student would also need to know the twelve cranial nerves because, if I remember correctly, the teeth are attached to the skull which contains the cranium. I could be wrong.
Posted by: hollygee at March 21, 2006 10:51 AM
That is amazing. I'm sending that website to everyone I know. Beth, you are such a giver.
Eileen
Posted by: Eileen at March 21, 2006 2:39 PM
Hollygee--
Hmm, you're probably right about that. His story was that he had just started his first year of dental school, so maybe he hadn't learned that yet. Or maybe he was just going to be the worst dentist ever. Or maybe he just made the whole thing up. I'll never know. The writer in me is tempted to make up an elaborate back story for him, though.
Posted by: Beth at March 21, 2006 4:02 PM
I remember the guy who took me on a dinner date and then ordered nothing but a drink. He told me he had dinner with his mom before he picked me up.
Posted by: Eileen at March 21, 2006 5:14 PM
Hmmmm--makes me kind of glad I didn't date much...LOL!
Posted by: Sheri at March 21, 2006 7:04 PM
Wow, my eyebrows went up into my hairline, Beth! What losers!
Posted by: Michelle C at March 22, 2006 4:52 AM
Would it be completely AWFUL of me to go on that site and start submitting past boyfriends' names to it????
Posted by: laurenjharwood at March 22, 2006 8:12 AM
