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April 2, 2006

Go Fish.

A battle to the death. Or to the frustration. You know. Whatever.

Wow, how cool is it having Jenny and Bob here this month? Now, yes, they are on tour and so won't be popping in to comment much, but please feel free to leave them notes in the comments of their blogs - I'll make sure they get them!

And I have to say, I was a little conflicted about how I would handle a Battle of the Sexes week. Mostly because Fish, while he and I definitely have our battles, has been taking care of the house and kids this week so I can finish my revisions, so I feel a little bad doing my typical "complain about the man" thing. So, I thought I would bring my laptop out to where he's lounging on the couch and give him the opportunity to complain about what it's like for a man living in a house with three girls. Unfortunately, because of said revisions, I have to do it right now as in first thing in the morning (which wouldn't be quite so first thing if it weren't for setting the stupid clocks ahead... gar). So... no Sunday morning lounging for Fish today.

Oh. Man. Someone just put on The Little Mermaid. Loud. And Light is yelling, "Daddy! Daddy! Wake up!" which is kinda funny. I mean, if you're not Fish.

Which I'm not. So it's funny.

So now here's the scene. I'm in the living room and Fish has his coffee and the girls are watching television, so we actually have a shot of getting this done. Here's the transcription of our conversation:

Me: Okay. Go.

Fish: I can't perform on demand. I think you should tell the "Asshole! Martyr!" story.

Me: No, I'm not telling the "Asshole! Martyr!" story.

Fish: Why not? That's a funny story.

Me: No. It makes you look like an asshole and me look like a martyr.

Fish: Well, it makes you look like a martyr, definitely...

Me:

Fish: Okay. So. (crickets) My big thing is women and their checklists.

Me: Checklists?

Fish: Yeah. They keep a mental checklist of everything you've ever done wrong in your life, and then when they get mad, out comes the list.

Me: Oh, you mean, like how yesterday, when you were "watching" our children, Sweetness managed to somehow cut off all of Light's hair, even though you were "watching" them.

Fish:

Me: Okay. Fine. Give me something else.

Fish: I got nothing. (watching the movie, Zathura, about kids playing a game that puts their house in space)

Sweetness: Mama! Mama!

Me: Yes?

Sweetness: A meteor shot the stuff off the house!

Me: Okay, Fish. Give me something else. I need to do my revisions.

Fish: This is too off-the-cuff. It's gonna be dumb.

Sweetness: Now that was what I call a big meteor!

Fish: (off the movie) I don't think they should play that game anymore.

Me:

Sweetness: Look! They're in outer space!

Fish: I thought being in outer space made your blood boil out your ears.

Me: I thought it made you freeze.

Fish: Actually, it does both. Temperature goes down, but pressure goes down, too--

Me: Okay, okay.

Fish: The first thing to go is your spleen, which--

Me: Okay.

Fish:--explodes in your gut.

Me: OKAY! FINE! I'LL TELL THE "ASSHOLE! MARTYR!" STORY!

Fish:

Sweetness:

Light:

Yeah. I know. I should have known better. Off to my revisions. I think I should hide all the scissors in the house before I go, though...

Battle of the Sexes Week is brought to you by Don’t Look Down, Jenny Crusie and Bob Mayer's new Romantic Adventure, in stores April 4th!

Posted by Lani at 7:31 AM | Comments (5)

Comments

Posted by: Whitney at April 2, 2006 2:15 PM

Posted by: Eileen at April 2, 2006 2:47 PM

Posted by: Beth at April 2, 2006 2:56 PM

Posted by: Lani at April 2, 2006 3:31 PM

Posted by: Brittney at April 2, 2006 7:43 PM