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April 3, 2006
Vive La Difference!
Battle Of The Sexes, or Minor Skirmish Which Might Or Might Not Be Gender Related?
I'm all Squealy Giggly over here in Rotterdam today because Jenny and Bob are here! Sigh. Plus, my copy of Don't Look Down is on order and should be winging its way to me from America very soon. But just in case I am still cursed with postal problems (my mail frequently yet inexplicably takes vacations somewhere nice like the Bahamas, or Bermuda, or Bondi Beach before either arriving months late at its destination or being sent back from whence it came), I have two back-up plans.
Oh Patient One is under strict instruction to check if it is available in the UK when he goes over next week. (Although the US release date is tomorrow, the UK date might apparently be sometime in April, according to the Nice Bookseller I just called.) My third option is a trip to the American Bookstore in Amsterdam to see if they have it. Yes, I am covering my bases! (I will probably end up with three copies, which is good, because three copies is much, much better than zero copies).
So, back to the Battle of the Sexes and vivant les differences...
Mostly, because Oh Patient One and I are fairly laid back people (like Jane Bennet and Bingley, rather than Eliza Bennet and Darcy) there isn't much battling in our relationship. Neither of us likes to shout and scream. We don't like to smash plates on the floors (what a waste of a good plate). We don't throw food at each other (what a waste of a good plate of food).
We do have our, shall we say, differences of opinion. You know, I'm convinced I'm right, he's convinced he's right, and we somehow work it through to a place where we are both right simultaneously. Although if you Do Us Wrong, or Do The Teenagers Wrong, Hear Us Roar (but not in a loud kind of way, LOL).
Basically, Oh Patient One tidies. I clean. Vive la difference!
Oh Patient One alphabetizes our vast collection of CDs (over 700 at last count), and I dust them...now and then. Vive la difference!
Oh Patient One categorizes and alphabetizes our books (with over a thousand in the apartment, this is a vital necessity if we are ever to find the book we are looking for), and I dust them, too...well, sometimes. Vive that particular difference, too! And if you would like to take a peek at some of my categorized, alphabetized, only slightly dusty books, fellow author Paige Cuccaro invited me to submit a picture of my writerly cave to her, here on her website.
But one big, and not-quite-so-complimentary difference between Oh Patient One and I is...
Our sense of direction. Especially when driving.
I don't have one. At all. If I am planning on driving somewhere I have never driven before I look up the step-by-step instructions on the Internet. And I memorize them word for word. And when I get lost right at the very end part of the journey (frequently, because the instructions didn't include which out of the six billion lanes I need to be in to exit the Turnpike, or whatnot), I stop and ask someone for directions. And then I get lost again, and I ask someone else for directions, and eventually I reach my destination.
Oh Patient One, I have to admit, has a great sense of direction. He can look at a map and apply it to real life, which never looks like the map. He always knows roughly where he is going, and which direction is North wherever he happens to be, and when he is driving it usually involves a lengthy "short" cut (otherwise known as a wrong turning), but he never, EVER asks for directions. His philosophy is, "Isn't it exciting to try something different and see where this road goes?" Mine is, "Where the hell are we? I can't find this road on the map and now we are lost and we'll never find our way. Ever. Again." But Oh Patient One always reaches his destination, too.
My pet hate? If we are travelling together and I am driving and I haven't memorized the directions (because they are in Dutch and I couldn't figure out exactly what they were telling me to do quickly enough before we left home) and Oh Patient One is directing me. Or if I am driving and there is a traffic jam on the maine route and Oh Patient One blithely suggests that we take an alternative route. I just know that it is going to involve a "short" cut sometime soon...
Battle of the Sexes Week is brought to you by Don’t Look Down, Jenny Crusie and Bob Mayer's new Romantic Adventure, in stores April 4th!
Posted by Michelle at 5:02 AM | Comments (10)
Comments
I never get lost. Even if I AM lost, I am not lost. It's just another way to get to where I am going! I learned that little secret years ago while traveling with DDs and I took a wrong turn. They were quite small at the time and my oldest became anxious when I pulled off the road to consult the map. "Are we lost Mommy?" I looked into those big blue eyes and decided that truth would not set me free, but a big fat lie might get me further down the road without copious amounts of tears. "Why no, darling, I just thought maybe we might want to see what was on this road instead--that other one was SOOO boring." The fact that it was dark and we had been traveling several hours and there was nothing more to see ANYWHERE should have tipped her off that maybe Mommy wasn't being all that truthful, but she just smiled sweetly and said "Oh. ok" and went back to sleep. I taught her how to read a map the next road trip....
Posted by: Sheri at April 3, 2006 1:28 PM
We lived in Europe for a few years. I can recall trying to read the map while my less than patient one was saying "where are we?" I would indicate I was trying to figure out where we were. Tempers increased. I chucked the map out the window declaring "now neither of us know where we are." A truce was declared. Darn foreign maps.
Posted by: Eileen at April 3, 2006 1:28 PM
Oh, Michelle! I feel your pain. My husband (who I think had some kind of weird built-in compass in his head) used to say that he could never figure out how the Jews could have wandered in such a small desert for such a long time until he met me.
Eileen
Posted by: Eileen ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at April 3, 2006 2:34 PM
Sheri, thank you, you are already my complete heroine. I LOVE what you said to your kids when you made a "short" cut, LOL! I will never be "LOST" again! (Just "displaced momentarily," heh!)
Eileen #1, the only difference between instructions in English and getting lost, and instructions in Dutch and getting lost, is that at least I have an excuse for getting lost in Dutch, heh. But yeah, darn those foreign maps :-) (And let me say I've chucked a few maps out of those windows myself, especially after "shortcut #101!"
Eileen #2, I hear you !
Michelle
Posted by: Michelle C at April 3, 2006 2:47 PM
Navy Guy, who can plot a course with his plane to circumnavigate the globe, landing within 5.5 minutes of his ETA, regularly drives past the mall entrance.
I hear the phrase "Oh, was that it?" an awful lot as we're speeding by the turn we should have taken . . .
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at April 3, 2006 8:01 PM
Thanks Michelle! *blush* My philosophy has always been that it's not the destination, it's the journey. If I take a few extra turns and side roads on that journey, how much more interesting will it be than if I just stick to the main highway? I have discovered amazing stuff on those little side trips--well worth the extra time it takes to get to where I was going in the first place!
Posted by: Sheri at April 4, 2006 2:03 AM
LOL, Alesia - although I'm good at getting lost, one of the things I always manage to spot is the entrance to the mall. Hmmm...
Posted by: Michelle C at April 4, 2006 3:47 AM
Sheri, I will try and be more adventurous when I take a wrong turn :-) Although one of the first wrong turns I took when we moved to America was onto the New Jersey Turpike, with my M-I-L and son in the car. A billion hours later I finally managed to do a U turn...
Posted by: Michelle C at April 4, 2006 3:52 AM
Repeat after me: I am not lost. I am right here. I am just not sure where I am going :)
Posted by: Ellen at April 7, 2006 8:45 AM
Eileen said: "Repeat after me: I am not lost. I am right here. I am just not sure where I am going :)"
I am not lost. I am right here. I am just not sure where I am going...
LOL, Eileen!
Posted by: Michelle C at April 10, 2006 7:01 AM
