« True Publishing Story: Don't Look Down | Main | The glamourous writer's life »
April 24, 2006
Bad Manners!
And what it takes to make my blood boil and my ears steam...
"Michelle, you are too laid back and polite," some of my friends have been know to say to me. Frequently. And it's true, I know. There have been some times in my life when I should have just lost it, and shouted and cursed to make my point, and I am sure there will be more to come. But on occasion, when I am pushed over the top, I blow. Here are a couple of times I blew...
The Taxi
Years ago, I took my then London friend/roomate to Sheffield for the weekend, and because she was really into nightclubbing, we went on a girl's Saturday night out. It was fun, we had a blast, it was great. And then we had to go and line up in the freezing cold with several billion other Saturday-night revelers for a cab home. I'd forgotten that a Saturday night out involved this particular happy experience, else I might just have taken her to the pub near my parents' house, instead.
Finally, after several billion hours it was our turn for the next cab. Yay! No more hanging around in the freezing cold for us! And then, as our cab pulled in, this cheeky wench who had not even been in the line, so therefore had not spent hours in the freezing cold, jumped into our cab cool as you like.
I mean, it just wasn't fair play, was it? It was just not cricket. And to top it all, she was smirking at us through the cab window, like the cat who just ate the canary. And then she smirked some more.
I saw red.
I yanked on the door and opened it before the cab could pull out.
"Out!" I told her, grabbing her arm and tugging on it (but not very hard - it was more of a gesture, really). "Get out of this cab right now and get right to the back of the line where you belong, you cheeky little so-and-so."
Actually, she wasn't little at all. She must have out-talled me by a nearly foot (I am short) and outweighed me by a fair few pounds (let's just say she was well padded), and for one moment I thought she was going to either laugh in my face and push me out of the cab, or take a swing at me. Or both.
I tugged harder on her arm (although still not very hard). That was my cab and no line-jumping little upstart was going to stop me from my turn.
It must have been the expression on my face, because her eyes opened with fear (possibly at the steam coming out of my ears, or possibly at the sight of my bared teeth).
She got out. We got in. The people in line applauded me. We went home.
"Michelle, I never knew you had it in you," roomate/friend said to me. Was that admiration I could see in her eyes?
"I am a woman of mysterious depths," I told her, smiling with victory.
The Parking Lot
A few years later, Oh Patient One and I were on vacation in Wiltshire and we decided to go to Bath for the day.
We drove round and round the multistory parking lot. Finally, after much searching, there was a vacant spot just ahead of us at the end of the row. Yes!
Before we could blink, there was a roaring of an engine and a squealing of tyres, and a car raced around the corner, the wrong way around the one-way system, and pulled into our spot just ahead of us. There was just no way that car driver could not have seen us and realized that we were going to pull into that spot (after having driven the correct way around the one-way system).
I mean, did the car driver really think we were just going to sit there and take it?
I saw red.
I jumped out of our car and flew over and tapped on the car window of this cheeky upstart driver. Who just happened to be a rather posh-looking woman. She made the huge mistake of smirking at me. Huge mistake.
"What the bloody hell do you think you're playing at?" I demanded, steam coming out of my ears as I practiced my snarl. "You came the wrong way around the one-way system just to steal our parking space? I don't think so, sister. Out! Out now or there will be Trouble!"
I hadn't actually figured out what kind of trouble there would be, because I'm a wimp when it comes to physical violence. But it sounded good at the time.
Anyway, her eyes widened with fear as I bared my teeth at her. Her engine roared again, and her tyres squealed again, as she gunned out of the parking space and off into the distant depths of the parking lot.
"My God, I can't believe you just did that. How did you do that?" Oh Patient One asked me, his eyes wide with, well, either appreciation or horror. We hadn't been together that long. "I didn't know you had it in you."
"I am a woman of mysterious depths," I told him, as he pulled the car into the spot.
"Yes, I can see that," he said, and then he winked at me. "I love your mysterious depths."
So, here's a question. What makes you see red? What tips you over the edge?
Michelle
Posted by Michelle at 7:11 AM | Comments (12)
Comments
Idiot legislators and judges.
Retail people who think they can pull one over me. I wasn't born yesterday, and my mama is a champion shopper. Just because I look like I'm twelve doesn't mean you can intimidate me!
Posted by: May at April 24, 2006 9:58 AM
Lately, it's been people who don't pick up after their dogs.
For example, a few weeks ago, I was out running on one of the many many bike paths where I live. A woman was marching along with two dogs cavorting behind her. Neither of them were on leashes. The dogs were merrily pooping all along the path while she marched on, seemingly oblivious. When I caught up to her, I asked if they were her dogs. She calmly said, "Oh, did they try and bite you?"
I was flabbergasted. She had dogs that would bite strangers out on a bike path without leashes. This is the same bike path that Things One and Two ride home on from school. I actually marched her back to all the places I'd seen them poop and made her pick it up. Unlike Michelle, I am NOT a small woman.
There's also a pharmacy in Scottsdale that I think has a photo of my face in one of those red circles with the slash through it, but that's a totally separate issue.
Eileen R
Posted by: Eileen ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at April 24, 2006 11:35 AM
Eileen - go you for being so brave. I can't believe that woman allowed her dogs to roam freely knowing that they had a tendency to bite.
Dog poop all over the place makes me fume, too. It's a huge, huge problem over here. When I am out and about, wherever I am (even on the steps outside the apartment block or in the shopping center) I walk around with my eyes glued to the sidewalk because of the nasty, nasty stuff. And you should never walk on the grass, even in the parks. (I think it is something to do with the cost of dog licenses - the owners' stand is that the town charges so much, the town can clean it up.)
May - just goes to show that looks can be deceiving, doesn't it :-)
Hugs,
Michelle
Posted by: Michelle C at April 24, 2006 12:00 PM
Even when it's a very, very small dog who makes very, very small poops?
Whitney, who never remembers to carry poop bags and is now going to go hide under a rock
Posted by: Whitney at April 24, 2006 2:30 PM
Whitney,
No! This is like when I found out that another friend leaves her grocery cart in parking places and doesn't put it back in the cart corral!
Eileen R
Posted by: Eileen at April 24, 2006 5:00 PM
Um . . . I do that, too . . .
*ducking and running*
Posted by: Whitney at April 24, 2006 5:07 PM
But in my defense, I don't like leaving Sam alone in his carseat while I push the cart back to the corral . . . oh, and I'm just sort of lazy, too.
Posted by: Whitney at April 24, 2006 5:08 PM
No, Whitney, nooooooooooooo!
Posted by: Eileen at April 25, 2006 12:47 PM
hey michelle,
the thing that makes me the most irrate is slow drivers and drivers that dont know how to drive. thats why people are amazed that i have such bad road rage and im a very sweet girl.
Posted by: brittney at April 25, 2006 4:06 PM
Those two things you mention are also the ones that do it to me. Go, you!
Posted by: ZaZa at April 26, 2006 5:01 PM
Oh, oh, me next, please, please, please??
People in front of you on an escalator who get to the top and STOP. Just flat out stop at the end. Are they surprised the ride is over or what?
Posted by: Ellen at April 26, 2006 8:23 PM
Ooh ooh! Not just the escalator people! Also, the people who aren't sure where they're driving and just stop! Although, I think that was more of an Arizona thing and they were often driving enormous white cadillacs with shiny gold wheel thingies on the back.
Eileen R
Posted by: Eileen at April 27, 2006 12:49 AM
