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May 19, 2006
Switched at birth . . .
. . . but with whom?
I am packing to go to the fabulous Romantic Times Convention in Daytona Beach, Florida. Actually, by the time you read this, I'll have been there for a few days. Being somewhat computer impaired while on the road, I'm writing this in advance while I'm packing.
My point is, that with my clothing all laid out on the bed waiting to be folded into a suitcase, I have nine pairs of shoes.
Even to me, that seems excessive. I do not consider myself to be a Carrie Bradshaw-esque shoe person. I would never in a million years pay $350 for a pair of shoes. (Please don't jump all over me here. I'm not saying YOU shouldn't buy expensive shoes. I'm just saying that I don't.) Still, I like for my shoes to go with my outfit.
And I'm packin' a lot of outfits.
There are parties every night. Theme parties! Pirate Parties! Faerie Balls! Luaus! I have a dress for each one and each dress has a pair of shoes. Then there are the daytime workshops and panel discussions. I have an outfit for each day and each outfit has . . . a pair of shoes. Plus, I need my running shoes and some comfy travelling shoes.
It adds up to nine.
So, the switched at birth thing. I called my mother to say good-bye and told her about the nine pairs of shoes. Her response? "I think you should pare it down to two pairs. One black and one brown."
I laughed. "I can't do that. I need the red shoes with the red dress. I need the turquoise and pink ones to go with the black halter dress with the turquoise trim. I need the strappy silver sandals with the light-up heels to go with the pearly white dress and that's just the evening wear."
She said, "Why?"
Clearly, I could not be of the same biological stock as this woman. Why? What kind of question is that? Obviously, I was switched at birth. It would explain why in photos of my family I always look like I've been cut out of another photo and pasted into theirs. I'm always bigger and browner than anybody else there.
It would also explain why I'm the only one not fascinated with other people's wounds or their various biological functions. It would explain why I am the only one who thinks detailed accounts of medical procedures are not dinner conversation. It would explain why I won't leave the house without mascara on while my mother considers putting on lipstick to be heavy make-up application.
I'm really wondering if somewhere out there is another forty-four-year-old woman who is looking on in stunned amazement at her mother and sister's shaved legs and plucked eyebrows and piles of shoes and wondering with whom she was switched.
Posted by Eileen at 8:00 AM | Comments (11)
Comments
I think nine pairs of shoes is perfectly reasonable.
Posted by: laurenjharwood ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at May 19, 2006 8:14 AM
Ummmm, I just counted. Also nine. Clearly whichever faery changeling family you came from dropped me off, too. I don't think my mother has ever OWNED nine pair of shoes simultaneously in her life.
Ever.
Alesia, still in a daze from last night's vampires of the caribbean. Did I mention the vampire pirates???
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at May 19, 2006 9:17 AM
vampire pirates? I want to be there... *sigh*
Posted by: laurenjharwood at May 19, 2006 10:01 AM
It is very clear to me that it is I you were switched with. My mother owns more shoes right now (after cleaning them out recently) then I have owned in my entire life. The medical procedure talk? I'm there. The only problem is I'm not quite 44. Getting there but not quite yet.
Posted by: MoMMY at May 19, 2006 10:09 PM
Eileen, I think that's entirely reasonable. I have a couple of wonderful outfits I haven't worn yet because I haven't found the right shoes for them. It's just not right if you don't have the right shoes.
I have more pairs of black boots alone than my mom has shoes. But my mom gets her hair cut every six weeks without fail, and I pull out the scissors and chop off a couple inches every six months or so. We confuse each other pretty evenly, I think.
Posted by: Darla at May 20, 2006 11:12 AM
My husband swears that my cousin and I were switched, even though I keep telling him that I am 10 weeks older than her--he's still not convinced. However, I think you and I might have been switched, and since we are the same age it works for me! Makeup? Uh, no. I think about wearing mascara once in awhile to go out, but then it's usually for a wedding or graduation or something similar and I know i will cry so why bother? It will just be a mess and I will look worse than if I just go without! Lipstick I will wear because it is easy to put on. Shoes? I have black shoes for work, flip flops for not at work. I have tennis shoes for not at work and the weather is cold. Black heels for dress. Enough for me.
Posted by: Sheri at May 20, 2006 3:08 PM
Um, plucked eyebrows? Can we just say "Ouch"?! I had my eyebrows plucked--once. That was enough, thank you very much!! Totally unnecessary pain involved, as far as I was concerned!
Posted by: Sheri at May 20, 2006 3:20 PM
So were there really MALE vampire pirates and did they disappear quickly under the piles of women who tried to trip them?
Posted by: Chez at May 21, 2006 3:10 AM
The piling up of women wasn't so extreme at the Vampire Pirate Ball. The fantasy ball, however? Well, let's just say that I'm still traumatized by the things I saw. The whole conference was, however, way more fun than anyone at something they can even remotely say is work.
I ended up not changing for the 60s racecar party so, as it turns out, I could have made do with eight pairs of shoes. Live and learn . . .
Eileen
Posted by: Eileen at May 21, 2006 5:07 PM
Girl, you don't want to know how many pairs of shoes I packed for my two week trip to Florida. And you know what--I wore ONE pair! No, two. I wore my sneakers the first day when I was driving, then flip flops the rest of the time, except for the brief signing stint I did at Book Expo, where I slipped into some seriously sexy shoes that NO ONE saw beneath the table where I was sitting. Next time, I'm bringing two pairs to a convention/conference if the weather's warm. Because I like comfy. I wore my comfy shoes even with dressier outfits because I couldn't be bothered with anything else.
Posted by: Kayla at May 22, 2006 12:39 AM
But you're the kind of woman who can pull off looking dressy and sexy in flip-flops. I look like a middle-aged woman in flip-flops. I need all the help I can get from my shoes to my mascara.
Posted by: Eileen at May 22, 2006 3:51 PM
