« Independence Day | Main | Owner of a Lonely Heart »
July 5, 2006
Breaking Up is Hard To Do
But some guys really really stink at it
I have never been dumped. No guy has ever given me the "It's not you, it's me" speech. Nor has anyone ever dumped my clothes on the lawn or told me its over on the phone/in a letter/on a post-it note (yes, I did see that Sex and the City episode).
Nope. I get the amazing disappearing boyfriends. The ones that vanish before your very eyes.
I suppose, in some ways, I wouldn't want to break up with me either. It's super easy to make me cry. I'm like an enormous water-filled sponge. All it takes is one little poke and I'm leaking water everywhere and no, Poise pads won't help with that.
It's possible that Prozac will, but that's another story.
Anyway, I can see not wanting to break someone's heart face to face if she is likely to turn into a human Niagra Falls and drown herself and everyone nearby in a torrential cascade of lachrymose laments.
Still, it's not really fair. I get no closure. It used to take me days to realize that he hadn't called or shown up at my door so by the time I realized I'd been dumped, I'd have to semi-stalk the guy to yell at him and tell him what a rat bastard he was and that always seemed so . . . creepy. And pathetic.
It also conditioned me to always expect that a guy was about to break up with me whether I knew it or not which led me to a dump 'em first policy. If I did it, at least I'd get the satisfaction of there being an actual dumping.
On one memorable occasion, I actually dumped a guy because I was so head-over-heels crazy about him that I knew I'd be completely devastated when he dumped me. No, there weren't any actual signs that he was about to dump me. He was still calling, showing up and occasionally leaving love notes on my car while I was at work. I just knew I couldn't handle it if he did, so I did it for him. Unassailable logic, eh?
Clearly, though, I didn't trust this guy with my heart. I don't know what it was about him that made me wary, but I was. I met the man I married and had children with a few months after that break-up and I never once considered dumping him. I don't know what it was about him either that made me know I could trust him with my heart, but I'm glad I did.
This blog was brought to you by Seven Ways to Lose Your Lover, Alesia’s hilarious new novel about a woman who learns to be true to her heart – even when her heart feels like a traitor.
Posted by Eileen at 10:53 AM | Comments (7)
Comments
Eileen,
I hear you on the closure issue! I once had a boyfriend break up with me by calling my roommate and asking her to tell me that he'd found someone else. I also leak tears at the drop of a hat, but I could have dealt with his call - we'd only just started going out the week before, so it wasn't like he was breaking my heart or anything...
I called him back and ticked him off for being a coward, and then I felt MUCH better about being dumped :-)
I do think that it was fate you dumped your note-leaving boyfriend, though, because then you met your husband.
Michelle
Posted by: Michelle C at July 5, 2006 2:42 PM
The non-break-up-break-up. That's a classic . . . where one party just pretends that the break-up has occurred, when they haven't, in fact, said anything about it, leaving the other party to flounder around confused for weeks on end.
Not to sound too much like a smug married, but thank GOD I'm not single out there. It's like that line from When Harry Met Sally, when Marie says to Jess, "Promise me I'll never have to be out there ever again," and Jess says, "I promise you: you will never have to be out there again."
Posted by: Whitney at July 5, 2006 9:22 PM
I also despise those weenie-ass men who instead of breaking up with someone, treat them craptastically (and I mean that in a ginormous way) until the woman breaks up with him. Is that supposed to be kinder? Talk about cowards . . .
Eileen
Posted by: Eileen ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at July 6, 2006 8:11 AM
I wrote up a fairly long primer one time on how to break up with a girl without being a complete dick. Rule #1 is, DON'T DO THE SILENT DUMP. Man, I HATE that. "Get the hint" is just fucking mean.
Posted by: Jennifer at July 6, 2006 5:51 PM
Oooh! What are some more of the rules?
Posted by: Eileen at July 6, 2006 9:09 PM
I can't believe that I'm not the only one to go through that! One day he simply stopped calling or anything. When he did return my call, he gave one word comments or answers. After three months he called and I told him what an ass he was and that if he wanted to end things he could have been a man about it and told me. He claims he didn't know why he did it and wanted to talk again. I told him it was OVER once and for good and now I felt better because I got my closure! About a month after he stopped communicating with me, an old boyfriend came back into my life and I can't believe how happy I am. We are planning to get married. With the old boyfriend, I never fully trusted him with my heart, but this one, I not only trust him, but I have never known love like this before.
Posted by: Lisa at July 15, 2006 8:47 PM
iam with this guy four like the fifth time at the moment. so what if i'm in high school? i shouldn't have to go out with him . but of course, he said that if i didn't go out with him, he'd tell the entire school that i slept with him and that i was crap. i couldn't take that kind of risk. at the moment i have two options on what to do. i can either move away from my town or i can kill him. i'm very tempted to go for the second one, but i don't particularly want to spend the rest of my life in jail. if anyone has any ideas on what i should do (which preferably wont end with me in the iron-bar motel) then please tell me. i desperately need some advice!
Posted by: sabina at July 21, 2006 5:38 AM
