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September 9, 2006
Nothing But Class
Yes, I have class. It's here. Somewhere. Although it might have gotten lost in the move...
You know, I recently made a promise to myself. I decided, without consulting my fellow LCs, that... well... I kinda bring down the property value here. They're all so classy and sweet and nice. They have decorum, and boundaries. They talk about golf carts and black thumbs and Monobrows.
And I tell you about fucking pools.
I've been feeling kind of bad about this because I think my fellow LCs deserve better, even though they've never complained, because truly classy people don't think they're classier than other people. And my girls here at the LC? Truly classy girls. So, a little while back, I promised myself I would never use the "f" word on the LC again. I would behave like someone who has some sense of what is and is not appropriate when presenting herself as a (pseudo) professional person.
But... something has happened. Something which is wonderful, and life-affirming, and glorious, but sadly to tell it requires that I partake of the "f" word prodigiously. So, with apologies to my fellow LCs who deserve better than to be associated with someone like me, I'm going to shout my news to very LC rafters, and just ask you all not to hold it against any of them. I'm the Touretic spaz here, and they really can't do anything but hang their heads in dismay. So, don't let it reflect on them as I tell you that...
THE FUCKING POOL LEAVES TODAY!
I don't know if I've ever been this happy over passing on possession of an inanimate object. But then, nothing has ever been (apologies, apologies) such a fucking pain in the fucking ass as that fucking pool.
Hooo. Okay. Feeling better.
About three weeks ago, I told Fish to send out an e-mail to his work buddies, to see if anyone wanted a fucking pool. After much lively discussion and quite a number of, "It's just a nickname, boys. It's a regular pool," messages, one of Fish's co-workers who has a truck and an incomprehensible desire to take possession of an inconvenient money-sink, has agreed to come over and take the pool off our hands.
Of course, the fucking pool had to grant me one final flip-off for old time's sake. Our plan had been to use the pump to drain the pool, which makes total sense, right? And, for a while, it was working okay. Until I went out this morning to discover that, sometime in the night, the fucking pool said, "Fuck this shit," and the pump shorted out or something. So, off to Home Depot to drop another hundred bucks on the fucking pool to buy a fucking submersible pump which I hope to the gods is returnable even after pumping approximately 5,000 gallons of water.
I doubt it. But it'll be worth a shot.
Anyway, I'm going to my writer's meeting today, and when I return, the fucking pool should be gone, leaving a large, ugly, empty, circular space in the middle of my back yard which I will remember fondly next year when I fill it with fucking flowers.
(Whoops. Sorry. Old habits die hard. I promise. That's the last one. From now on, nothing but class. Pinky swear.)
UPDATE: Since you asked, and the comments won't allow html, I'd like to put this out for your edification.
That's Light, by the way, playing in the ton of sand that was under the fucking pool. Isn't she sweet?
Posted by Lani at 7:37 AM | Comments (11)
Comments
Lani:
I say you and Fish break out a bottle of bubbly and do a happy dance of "good riddance" in the space your fucking pool has vacated. LOL
Posted by: Cindi at September 9, 2006 10:47 AM
Lani, Lani, Lani---didn't you know that your FUCKING POOL story was one of the funniest posts I ever read?!! But you are right--using the "f" word is not *cough* "professional". In fact, we just had a memo posted at work that apparently the "f" word is being thrown around WAY too much in the break room and somebody complained and now we have to watch what we say... My response to that? "Oh, just FUCKING grow up already--good lord, this isn't kindergarten!!"!! Yeah, call me a rebel... You just go ahead and talk however you want, Lani--especially now that the FUCKING POOL has finally gone away!! We love you and remember--EVERY group has at least ONE "bad girl"! I mean, who else is going to buy the beer and cigarettes? LOL!
Posted by: Sheri at September 9, 2006 11:57 AM
LM(F)AO over here...
I'm sure "class" is the first thing that comes to EVERYONE'S mind when reading our blog...
Posted by: Beth at September 9, 2006 3:11 PM
Oh, good. Now we're back on that list of websites that everybody's workplace internet porn filters block again . . .
Sigh.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at September 9, 2006 3:19 PM
Cindi and Sheri - thank you for your support.
Beth - when they think of you, "class" is definitely something that comes to mind!
Alesia - oh, no. The porn filters only get us if we say something like "sheep fucking."
Oh. Wait. Whoops. :)
Posted by: Lani at September 9, 2006 5:22 PM
thanks for clearing that up for me.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at September 9, 2006 6:53 PM
SO???? Is the fucking pool gone?? We're dying to hear, here!! LOL.
xoxo
me
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at September 10, 2006 9:41 AM
I'm not sure how I got on the list of classy girls after licking Alesia at Nationals. I think your classy bar is set really fucking low, honeybunch.
The LC Eileen
P.S. Congrats on being rid of the pool. I think you and Fish should do a naked pagan dance in the middle of that circle on the next full moon.
Posted by: Eileen at September 10, 2006 12:06 PM
What Eileen said, with pictures.
Posted by: Terri at September 10, 2006 6:58 PM
Well fuck me running! (Sorry, that was a gratuitous use of the fuck word) Just so you all know, my minister says fuck and she is the epitome of class. Fuckin' A!
Posted by: Janina at September 11, 2006 1:57 AM
Whoo-hoo for the exodus of the FUCKING POOL! I'm thrilled for you, Lani. Of course, I still want a fucking pool of my very own but hubby is against it. And he hasn't even read the FUCKING POOL story.
And I think you have tons of class. It might be low but it's still class, right? I won't worry until you start talking about the sheep fucking...
Posted by: Dia at September 13, 2006 6:37 PM
