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September 23, 2006
There Must Be Some Misunderstanding
Because, typically, that's the case
Good morning, Chicklets! I am on my way out the door to do some shopping and have lunch with the lovely and talented Ms. Amy Garvey, so I don't have much time, but I wanted to share with you a special little thing that Sweetness said yesterday. She'll likely never forgive me for sharing this nugget publicly, but it's just too precious, and the fact is that I'm bound to do something else in the next ten years or so for which she'll never forgive me anyway, so I gain nothing by not using this. Here we go:
Sweetness: Mommy?
Me: Yes?
Sweetness: I wish I was a boy.
Me: Why?
Sweetness: Boys are so much cooler.
Me: How's that? We can give life. We can be affectionate with other women without worrying that it makes us look gay. We get makeup, and fun hair, and cute shoes.
Sweetness: Yeah. But boys can turn their vaginas inside out and pee standing up.
Me: Yeah. Well. You've certainly got a point there.
Note to self: Tell Fish to lock the door when he's in the bathroom.
Of course, you know I'm in a total glass house on this one. Sweetness has an excuse; she's seven. She's supposed to say stuff like this, otherwise I'll have nothing interesting to tell her prom dates. When I have a little misunderstanding, however, it gets totally blown up out of proportion.
Like the time I saw someone use a Delaware license to buy beer in college, and then went back and told everyone that I couldn't believe the bad fake I.D. I saw, and then I explained it was from Delaware, and they all stared at my blankly, and I said, out loud, "Delaware's a river! It's a town in Maryland! It's not a state!" My friends from college still bring this up on a regular basis. And it's been seventeen years.
Of course, if it was just Delaware, I guess people would drop it. But then, I have to back it up with the time I was in Alaska and was walking by the big field on my way from the cannery to my tent and one of the guys was making chicken sounds as I walked by, and I told everyone there was a chicken living in the field. Then there was the time I tried to start a fire by putting a big log in a pit and lighting and holding matches to it, wondering why the damn thing wouldn't burn, I mean it was wood after all. Oh, and who can forget the time I moved into a house and inherited a pool and thought, "How hard, expensive and ultimately painful can this be?" Heh heh.
Heh.
But, I have to say, the classic brilliance of boys pulling their vaginas inside out so they can pee standing up is pretty poetic. Isn't she cute?
(You can send those checks directly to the Sweetness "My Mom So Screwed Me Up" Therapy Fund. I have a feeling the poor kid's gonna need it.)
Posted by Lani at 8:12 AM | Comments (6)
Comments
Oh. My... I had never thought of it like that before. It's freakin' hilarious!
Posted by: Serenity Now! at September 23, 2006 3:17 PM
You know, I could see where a reversible vagina could really come in handy from time to time. You know, if we can send a man to the moon . . .
The LC Eileen
Posted by: Eileen ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at September 23, 2006 8:49 PM
LOL, although on the plus side it has to be said that us girls have less danger of experiencing a John Wayne Bobbitt moment (ouch!). Although some girls have been known to master the art of peeing standing up - anyone remember that scene in The Full Monty?
Posted by: Michelle C at September 24, 2006 4:58 AM
Well, you know, I do remember a product - basically, it was a little plastic tubey thing that made it possible for women to pee standing up. If that's all Sweetness wants... she does have a birthday coming up. :)
Posted by: Lani at September 24, 2006 9:49 AM
Lani said: "I do remember a product - basically, it was a little plastic tubey thing that made it possible for women to pee standing up."
I can hardly type because I am laughing so much. Priceless :-)
Posted by: Michelle C at September 24, 2006 11:46 AM
No plastic tubey thing will ever be as good as having a reversible vagina. It will all be a cheap and tawdry imitation and I'm having none of it!
The LC Eileen
Posted by: Eileen at September 24, 2006 1:35 PM
