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October 11, 2006
Scary karaoke
and other frightening songs
So, I will be the first to admit to a certain fascination with karaoke. There are the not-to-be-named (Lani) people brave enough to actually DO it:
Who get big props from me, 'cause I sing with the same gentle lilting melodic tones of two horny cats fighting in a burlap bag (not that I've ever put actual cats in a bag, nor am I advocating it, so please, no PETA letters to our complaint dept.). Even my children run and hide when I sing.
BUT, it must be admitted, when it comes to karaoke or any public singing, I believe that there should be RULES. Some songs are so hideous, they should never, EVER be sung via karaoke. For instance, there just ain't enough liquor in THE WORLD, no matter what bar you're in, to subject people to your rendition of:
Sarah M's ANGEL. Yes, I'm too lazy to look up the spelling of her last name. Yes, I know that people with lovely voices (like one woman at the NJ conference, for example) can sing the song beautifully. But NO.
In fact, NO NO NO NO NO NO. This is the DEATH SONG. What does it make us think of? DEATH. And this is appropriate for fun entertainment WHY EXACTLY???? It's an auto-push on the big, freaking maudlin button, and really, in a BAR?? And, without the acoustics of a recording studio behind her, I bet even Sarah sounds crappy on this particular song. It literally makes the FILLINGS IN MY TEETH HURT.
Anything that involves falsetto. Of any kind. NO, YOU CANNOT PULL IT OFF. I don't know you, I've never heard you sing, but NO. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO.
However, if you feel the need to sing, and your friends are drunk enough to dance along with you, please follow a few simple guidelines:
1. Rock out!! The above-pictured anonymous singer (Lani) sang ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG and it was freaking fabulous! We all knew the words, it was fun, it was uptempo . . .
2. Have fun with it!! Another anonymous singer (Barb Ferrer) laughed so hard during her rocking song that she coudn't catch her breath! We loved her for it!
3. Shake your stuff!! Yet another nameless (Cindy Holby) singer gave us a boot-scooting country tune and threw in some of her hellacious dancing moves!
And never, EVER EVER EVER sing Neil Young. Please. We're BEGGING YOU.
Okay, Chicklets, what is the one song you believe should NEVER EVER be sung in a drunken karaoke setting?
hugs,
Alesia, who only got away with singing lullabies when the babies were too little to fight back
Posted by Alesia at 8:45 AM | Comments (20)
Comments
Bette Midler's "The Rose" should not be attempted by ANYONE... especially if you are TONE-DEAF!!! Also, during St. Patty's Day, please don't sing "One" by U2... because there will be at least 10 more witty songsters getting up after you that will sing the SAME SONG (true story!) Props to Lani for rockin' out.
Posted by: Katy at October 11, 2006 9:57 AM
Anything by Robert Plant because, you know, there's only one person who can sing Robert Plant and that's Robert Plant :-)
(Not that I'm biased, or anything. LOL.)
Posted by: Michelle C at October 11, 2006 10:12 AM
I can truly say that I would be very happy NEVER to hear Wind Beneath my Wings, ever again!
Katy - Ditto
Michelle - Ditto
:-)
Posted by: Cindi at October 11, 2006 10:40 AM
I'm with Michelle on the Robert Plant thing!
Posted by: Terri at October 11, 2006 11:00 AM
Anything in a foreign language you're not completely fluent in. Yeah, I'm guilty. Too much tequila had me singing a power ballad in Spanish. So not pretty.
Posted by: Janina at October 11, 2006 11:20 AM
Janina, I think that anything in Spanish sounds lovely - it's just so poetic to my ears :-)
Regarding Robert Plant - Cindi, I somehow knew, after meeting you, that we were on the same page with that particular god among men.
Terri - we are sisters. There is only one Robert...
Posted by: Michelle C at October 11, 2006 1:14 PM
There is only one thing that SHOULD be karaoke-d drunk, and that is the soundtrack to "Grease."
Posted by: Beth Kendrick at October 11, 2006 2:24 PM
Beth - yes!! From "You're the one that I want," to " Hopelessly devoted to you." You know, I saw Olivia Newton John on TV while I was in America last week. She looked great, she sounded great, I so admire her work for breast cancer awareness.
Posted by: Michelle C at October 11, 2006 3:10 PM
I confess to being only a couple of glasses away from trying LOVE POTION NUMBER 9. It's a sickness, I tell you.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at October 11, 2006 4:19 PM
I want to add that anything by Mariah Carey is also a bad idea. I think the only other creatures on earth that can reach her high notes are fruit bats in heat.
Posted by: Janina at October 11, 2006 5:25 PM
If I were to even *look* like I might be contemplating singing anything, anywhere, my husband would throw that burlap bag (hopefully after dumping out Alesia's horny cats) over my head and haul me out of there in his effort to save humanity.
Posted by: Dia at October 11, 2006 5:25 PM
Janina, I snorted tea after reading "fruit bats in heat."
Dia, you and I can be the backup singers. heh heh heh.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at October 11, 2006 9:27 PM
I could live without "Stairway to Heaven" or "I've got Friends in Low Places." I think if you are going to do it you should either be painful bad so we can mock you or really good.
Posted by: Eileen at October 11, 2006 9:50 PM
"Friends in Low Places"--um, *blush* yeah, I'm guilty. But we were drunk AND painfully bad, so there was much mocking and making jest of! "Feelings"--please, NO! What are some others... "Knights in White Satin" or whatever that is called. "Unchained Melody". "Crazy." If you aren't Patsy Cline or LeAnn Rimes, just don't...
Posted by: Sheri at October 11, 2006 10:07 PM
Anything by Whitney Huston. Tried singing her version of "the Greatest Love of All at a time when I could still sing but was stage struck. I obviously didn't have enough to drink because it was TERRIBLE. Don't do that stuff anymore. Wish I had heard Lani though.
Posted by: Penny (with the flamingo eye patch) at October 11, 2006 11:56 PM
B52's songs (Love Shack) are pretty good to rock out to with alcohol in the blood stream. :)
Posted by: DD at October 12, 2006 12:29 AM
Now I really wish I would have gone with Penny! I would have loved to see Lani sing. I know I had a great time with the people I was with, but seeing the Karaoke is something I'm going to try to do next year.
I am so with Alesia on "Angel". Nobody else should sing that but Sarah.
Personally, I don't think anyone should ever attempt to sing "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison. If you want to sing Van, stick to "Moondance" "Brown eyed Girl" or "Gloria". But do NOT try to butcher my "Mystic".
Posted by: dee at October 12, 2006 7:50 AM
As I said all night, "Friends don't let friends sing Jewel."
Another rule of karaoke: Just because you think you sound good in the shower doesn't mean you sound good.
I sounded awful, but that was the intention. Bad singers are the backbone of karaoke. The thing is, you can be bad and be entertaining. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you... William Hung.
And Alesia... just remember that I have pictures of you, too. :)
Posted by: Lani at October 12, 2006 8:59 AM
Lani, you have the advantage of always being beautiful, even singing karaoke!!
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at October 13, 2006 8:53 AM
Ditto on Feelings. Bring in the Clowns. Please, no Sondheim.
Remember the karaoke scene in My Best Friend's Wedding? How terrible singers can be good. /:+)
Wish I'd been there. Y'all had too much fun in NJ.
Posted by: ZaZa at October 16, 2006 4:36 AM
