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October 22, 2006
Sunday Hodge Podge
Does anyone beside me under the age of 101 use terms like "hodge podge?" Enquiring minds... really don't give a crap.
Okay. I'm on deadline, and so have kind of disappeared off the scene lately. My good friend Babs (whose actual name is Mike, but we call each other Babs because of a Chevy Chase skit he used to like to quote, it's a long story and you don't care, why am I still talking?) e-mailed me recently with the standard-issue, "Are you dead or what?" e-mail, so I thought I'd come out here today and say, "No, I'm not dead."
Yet.
But if the deadline has its way...
Okay. That's just whiny. I mean, it's not like the deadline lurked around my house then suddenly popped out in front of me and said, "Boo!" I agreed to it about a year ago. I knew it was coming. I baked it a cake. But still. It's those last few weeks before deadline when the story comes together and everything starts to work and that's wonderful... but then I have to write it. So, that's where I've been. And that's where I'll be until, roughly, 11:59 on October 31st.
So I haven't really had a lot of time to invest in blogging. This is why my blogs have been so lame as of late. (Thank you, by the way, for not pointing that out Chicklets. You are true darlings.) So, this week, in a tribute to my lameness, laziness, and general lack of creativity outside The Book, I have decided to answer reader questions. These are generic reader questions, the ones I get a lot, because it would take energy to go through my mailbox and attribute specific questions to the specific people who asked them. So... here we go.
Is there going to be a Joe book?
I get this a lot. (For those of you who haven't read The Comeback Kiss, Joe is Finn's brother. Of course, if you haven't read The Comeback Kiss, that really doesn't clear anything up for you. Buying a copy would, though. How's that for ham-handed shilling? I really suck at selling my own books; didja notice?) Anyway... for those of you who are interested, no promises, but I will share that I'm actually playing with a possible scenario for Joe. And it may involve Izzy, but not in the way many of you have suggested, because IZZY'S SIXTEEN. I know, I know, they had chemistry, but he's 32 and she's 16 and never the twain shall meet, babes. Even when she's 24 and he's 40. Just not. Gonna. Happen.
What's up with the Kakapo? Is that a real bird? Why'd you write about it?
Okay, for those of you who didn't read Maybe Baby (what have you people been doing with your time? They're selling copies for .72 on eBay. I really don't feel arrogant when I say... it's worth it) a Kakapo is this rare parrot out of New Zealand. It's seriously endangered and illegal in America (and thus would be very valuable if, say, loose in New York City.) It's got a body like a chicken, a head like an owl, and a beak like Horshack. It's green, has a primal yell that sounds oddly reminiscent of an 18-wheeler screeching to a halt, and smells like fruitcake on fire. Knowing all this, how could I possibly not have written about this bird? By the way, if you're so inclined, you can click on the kakapo link and donate to the recovery effort. No pressure, I know you've got kids to feed, but if it's your thing, have at it.
Are you ever going to tell Elizabeth and Jack's story?
This is from - holy cats, I'm interrupting to tell you that right outside my window there are THOUSANDS of birds all flying over and crapping on my house, it's like being in a Hitchcock movie, strange - Time Off For Good Behavior. Elizabeth is the psychologist who Wanda ends up renting a room from, and Jack is her ex-husband. [Spoiler Warning] And no, I won't be telling their story because I already told it. It's over between Elizabeth and Jack, and as much as I would love for those two crazy kids to work it out, it's just not going to happen. If you keep your eyes peeled, however, you'll find a minor status update for Wanda in my next release, The Fortune Quilt, which is coming out in March. You're really going to have to be alert to catch it, though.
Okay. That covers the most-asked reader questions. If you have any you'd like to send my way, leave 'em in the comments, and I'll do my darnedest to answer them. Also, here's my weekly opinion poll - as many of you know, I'm foregoing the "f" word because it lacks class. So... what's the verdict on crap? I have to say, I'm not ready to give it up. And I think that, truth be told, there's a very low ceiling on my potential class quotient anyway. I mean, a girl like me is really only going to make it so far. And I like crap. It's a funny word. I dare you to find a sentence that isn't made funnier by the careful insertion of the word crap. For instance:
"Crap is not crap that alters when it alteration finds."
"Ask not what your crap can do for you, but what you can do for your crap."
"Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a piece of crap."
Wow. That class thing lasted for about thirty whole seconds. Hope some of you guys made out big in the office pool.
Posted by Lani at 7:56 AM | Comments (15)
Comments
LOL, Lani, how about:
"To crap or not to crap, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the crap and crap of outrageous crap..."
(Sorry Mr. S).
Michelle, also procrastinating today :-)
Posted by: Michelle C at October 22, 2006 9:10 AM
Don't tell me the crap is shining; show me the glint of light on broken turds.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at October 22, 2006 9:34 AM
Sorry, forgot the "". and apologies to Anton Chekhov.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at October 22, 2006 9:42 AM
See? I knew someday I'd bring y'all down with me. :)
Posted by: Lani at October 22, 2006 9:52 AM
Oh, and don't even get me started on turd. Also a very funny word.
Posted by: Lani at October 22, 2006 9:53 AM
"If it were crap, when 'tis crap, then 'twere
well
It were done craply"
Sorry, I couldn't resist that one...
(More apologies to Mr. S.)
Posted by: Michelle C at October 22, 2006 10:16 AM
How many Lit Chicks with deadlines of November 1st (Lani, Michelle, me) does it take to make stupid crap jokes? Yes, folks, we have truly reached the BOTTOM of the proverbial barrel . . .
sigh.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at October 22, 2006 1:38 PM
"It was the best of crap, it was the worst of crap..."
"Fankly, my dear, I don't give a crap."
Posted by: Beth at October 22, 2006 2:50 PM
"It was the best of crap, it was the worst of crap..."
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a crap."
Posted by: Beth at October 22, 2006 2:55 PM
Making up compound words using crap is also loads of fun. Craptastic is a personal fave.
Brenda, fellow fan of the kakapo
Posted by: Brenda at October 22, 2006 11:03 PM
Now see, I wanted to ask a question, and now I think I'm going to look like an idiot because I haven't weighed in on the "crap" debate. Since you've so generously given up the f-word Lani, I think you we can all tolerate a little "crap" from you now and then.
But, the question: If you aren't haven't decided about Joe, what about writing about Izzy? She was a fun character to read and had lots of layers - any thoughts about turning to YA, or maybe fast-forwarding her a few years?
Posted by: Shelley at October 22, 2006 11:20 PM
They actually featured the Kakopo on Animal Planet's "The Most Extreme" awhile back and I remember thinking "Wow, Lani got it right!! It IS a real bird!"!! I was suitably impressed. I mean, it was after 11 at night and I was half-asleep, but still--impressed.
I have been using "holy crap" myself lately. Also trying to give up the "f" word... I agree, "crap" is a funny word at times and people don't seem to be quite so offended by it as the other one. (By the way, does anyone actually know where the "f" word comes from? Someone told me it was a lawyerly term, something like "Fornication: Unlawful Carnal Knowledge". Inquiring minds and all that...)
I am past my bedtime, so I am sure any contribution I can add here will be lame, but all I can think of is :
"Crap is as crap does..."
Posted by: Sheri at October 23, 2006 12:36 AM
We don't care if you are lame, lazy or lacking -- because we know you are none of those things. We just like it when you show up, it's always a party. And not a crappy one.
Posted by: hollygee at October 23, 2006 3:33 AM
Okay, I've read all the books (spending my time wisely and all that), so do I get points for that or something?
You can write all the lame blogs (not that I have been thinking they're lame, mind you) you want, because I'm anxiously awaiting the next book...
Posted by: laurenjharwood at October 23, 2006 7:19 AM
Beth - It *was* the best of crap and the worst of crap. That's freakin' profound!
Shelley - thanks for asking a question! I do enjoy the crap talk, but it's nice to get questions, too! As for Izzy, I have thought about her story, but I don't write YA specifically for the reason that I feel the nation's youth should learn about sex and bad language on the bus, the way God intended. I just don't think I could behave myself well enough to stand up to YA standards, and I lack the courage to really talk about what teens are really going through, because it's not as prettily packaged as us adults would like to think. But on fast-forwarding Izzy - that's a possibility, but the idea hasn't struck me yet. Doesn't mean it won't, just means it hasn't yet. But I promise, you'll be the first to know!
Sheri - That Kakapo is something, isn't it? I love that freakin' bird. And I'm fully 100% behind "Holy crap!" I use it a lot, and I really have Raymond's dad to thank. No matter how many times he said it, I always laughed. But then I like that guy. Not that I can remember his name now, but I love him.
Holly - smooches to ya, babe! Thanks for making me feel better about my lameness!
Lauren - You *have* been spending your time wisely! And thank you for the permission to be lame - the next book is coming, I promise!
Posted by: Lani at October 23, 2006 9:16 AM
