I tend to run both to the overprotective and the "you gotta take risks sometime" ends of the spectrum. Due to our kids' rough health history, I think, I tend to be really overpritective. But then I realize what that kind of parenting did to me as a kid, and try to counter it with a stab at giving my kids independence.

Our latest is letting the almost-9-year-old stay home alone for short periods of time. Like 15-20 minutes if I need to run down the street to the market or to drop off another kid at something. Of course, I call him every ten minutes. Because, while I am letting him assert some independence and show responsibility, I'm still an overprotective mother.

Yeah, it will be awhile before my 9 y.o. stays home alone again. He has no sense at all (think absent-minded professor). Navy Guy left him alone once just to run to the corner store, with much "don't answer the door to ANYONE" admonishments. Then when he got home, Science Boy hands my husband a flier for lawn services. "Some guy came to the door and gave me this."
I went freaking ballistic, thinking of axe murderers, pedophiles, and worse. I'm thinking maybe when he's sixteen . . .

Don't ask my kiddo how many hours of instruction he got before I left the first time. Answering the phone saying Mom is busy, don't answer the door, don't touch the stove, don't go outside, etc.

So when I did leave him the first time (to run two blocks down to get the younger brother from tee-ball), I got home and he gave a full report of how he was not kidnapped, not dead, and the house had not burned down.

Think I over did it?

NAHHHH.

I'm actually the mellow parent-- (quit laughing, y'all!). But The Hub is such a worrywart and so darned protective, that I went mellow as a defense mechanism. (Their defense, mind you.)

I let them ride their bikes in our neighborhood or take one of the dogs for a walk. (No one's going to approach them with one of the beasts on the end of a leash.)

I've considered leaving Drummer Boy alone for a few minutes' worth of time, but I've got the same absent-minded professor issues that Alesia has.

My parenting milestone-- and I know you guys are going to laugh at this one-- has been allowing them to use the remotes for the TV and DVD player. Seriously. This has been a big thing for me. I used to stare, appalled, at the parents who would let their kids use the remotes and cell phones as toys because they could push the pretty buttons. Then they wonder why their remotes and cell phones are broken or lost. I also didn't think a three year-old had real good judgment when it came to choosing what to watch. Mine are old enough now that they know what they're allowed to watch and what they're not allowed to watch and woe be to them if I ever find the television on an unapproved channel.

And yes, I'm the mellow one.

Barb, you crack me up over the remotes. My kids were both seriously proficient at computer games by age three. On the actual computer. I have a great pic of Science Boy sitting on a phone book to reach the mouse . . . and you were worried about them breaking the remotes?? heh heh. I finally found somebody more crazed than me.

I was very protective of my children when they were young. Often it was my husband who would insist that I give them more freedom. Either my husband or myself watched them at the bus stop during all their elementary school years and we had our 100 pound black dog with us also.

My nephews christened me Wolf Mother way back when Thing One was a baby. Other kids could do pretty much as they pleased, but threaten my precious one? Then you'll feel the wrath of Wolf Mother. I haven't changed much even though they're teenagerish now.

LC Eileen

This is actually a pretty sensitive issue for me. We live in Canada's largest city and therefore crime is ... well, I can't say commonplace, but I can say uncomfortably common. And often uncomfortably too close to home. I'm am actively looking to move away from the city -- I never dreamed I'd be raising children here. We summer away from the city and my children have so much more freedom. Here, I don't even let them go to a park alone.

My biggest hurdle was allowing my son, at age 11, to walk home from school alone, let himself into the house and be in the house alone two nights a week for 30 minutes to an hour, depending upon our ETA. He actually walks home every day, but the Hubster is home most of the time. My son insisted (and rightly so) that he was too old for the day care centre. And he found a walking buddy that I know and trust. So -- I sucked it up. He calls me as soon as he's in. And its been perfectly fine. Like Cate, above, we have lots of rules about how to behave when home alone.

Oddly enough, Alesia, I'm not overly concerned about germs and illness. OK, yeah, cover your mouth when you cough, and wash your hands after... everything, and clean up the dirt, sure. But I'm not an anti-bacterial wiping, tissue-wielding, germ-battling, bleacher-Mom. The five second rule still lives in my home.

Cynthia, that must be tough to live in an area where you don't feel safe. I'd be just as protective as you.
I'm pretty vigilant about germs because it cuts down on the illnesses the kids carry home from school, but kids are kids and are meant to get dirty!

I am so not worried about germs. Of course, we homeschool, so I don't have to worry about other kids' germs all that much. Except when we leave the house.
When I take all six of mine out in public without the man, they all have buddies. The oldest one goes with the youngest, 2nd oldest with 2nd youngest, and the two in the middle together. They are not allowed to be more than an arm's length away from each other. They know that I am apt to show up in the toy aisle, in games, or in the cd section of any store, and if I find any one of them alone, there is really bad stuff agonna happen.
Recent parenting milestone? On Tuesday, all 8 of us went to dinner at Olive Garden. The almost 7yo needed to go to the bathroom, and was convinced she should be allowed to go alone. I went over the rules about 40 times (no running, straight there straight back, don't talk to anyone, if anyone tries to take you away yell really loud), took a deep breath and let her walk off. As soon as her chair was pushed in and she was out of earshot, the oldest leaned over and said "So, you want me to follow her?" With relief oozing out of every pore, I just shook my head yes. So 14yo followed her, hid behind a large potted plant, and waited, then made it back to the table before the little one. Of course, 6yo plops back in her chair and says "Geez, Momma, it was only the bathroom, you don't have to cry or anything."
There is no such thing as overprotective when you're talking about your children. Really, there isn't.

>>6yo plops back in her chair and says "Geez, Momma, it was only the bathroom, you don't have to cry or anything."

Awww, Dee, you are truly my sister. I teared up just reading about this!!

My oldest daughter just turned 15. My youngest daughter is now 13. I am realizing that my time with them at home is runniing out quickly and I have got this check list in my head as I worry that I haven't taught them nearly enough to let them go just yet...

I have never been over-protective. I have always tried to encourage them to try new things, explore, learn. If they are interested in an activity I try to make sure that they get the opportunity to do it. If a friend asks for them to come over I say "Why not?!". They are both good girls and have never asked for anything that I have had to say "no" to. I have to let them grow up--I can't keep them here with me forever. When they were little I would let them ride their bikes around in front of our house and down to my daughter's friend's house three doors down. Now they take their bikes and go to the park and the store and I don't think anything of it.

Two Christmas's ago I let them go to the mall on the bus with their friend. THAT was a big deal! But they were 13 and 11 at the time and all the drivers know them so I wasn't worried--much.

But I know how hard it is to let them go...

I admit, I'm overprotective. If I could put a tracking chip into them that would somehow also zap them if they said or did dumb things, that would be ideal, but alas, it totally contradicts the tiny voice in my head that tells me to ease up.
Who knew parenthood would turn me into a paranoid control freak?

I feel your pain sistah. It was when she was 12 and I had to go to dinner with a client that DD rebelled. I'm frantically dialing numbers when she very patiently and in an oh so adult manner broke it to me gently that children her age were usually the babysitter, not the babysat. Sigh. Yes, I went to dinner leaving her alone with all the requisite warnings about strangers, the stove, strangers, answering her cell phone (caller ID) when I called unless she wanted me to come home immediately, in which case she better HOPE a stranger had taken her!

I admire you for staying home when they were babies and I totally understand the whole keep your hands off my baby (were was Purell back then?). I tried to stay home when she was three and we could finally afford it. We'd save money on daycare, right? In six months I repainted every room in the house, painted the kitchen cabinets, wallpapered the upstairs bath twice and the downstairs once. The day hubby came home and I'd taken a sledge hammer to the wall between the kitchen and dining room to "open up the space" was the day we agreed that my staying home to save money on daycare was going to put us in bankruptcy. :-)

Chelle