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November 12, 2006
Confessions of a Grinch
Holiday Horrors Exposed
I am the Holiday Horror in my house. The second the holiday decorations start hitting the store, which I think is August now, I start stomping around, complaining, snapping at people and generally making everyone's life a living hell during The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.
It wasn't always this way. For much of my life, I was blissfully unaware of Christmas. We didn't celebrate it at my house. That whole being Jewish thing seemed to get in the way of celebrating the birth of Jesus. Hanukkah was much more low key. I got one big present the first night. There was always a book night which thrilled me to no end. Then there were the nights we got socks, underwear, toothbrushes, pajamas and other assorted needed items. While some of my Christian friends really raked in the loot on Christmas morning in a way that could have inspired jealousy, some of my Jewish friends scored major booty during the eight day Festival of the Lights, too. So, if it bothered me at all, it was more a socio-economic bracket kind of thing than a religion thing.
My first inkling of how bad the holidays could get occurred in college. One of my friends invited me to go Christmas shopping with her. I told her I didn't need to go. I didn't celebrate Christmas. I was Jewish. She asked me what that had to do with anything. Then she pointed out that she was getting me a Christmas present. Didn't I want to get one for her?
The answer actually was no. I didn't want to, but that seemed rude so off I went with her to go Christmas shopping and spend my measly paycheck from my weekend waitressing job on a bunch of crap that nobody probably wanted anyway.
It only got worse from there. I remember the first Christmas I spent with my first husband's family. Here were these people who the rest of the year were unrelentingly cruel and horrible to each other in ways I still have trouble comprehending, all gathered together to open piles of presents from under a tree that (I kid you not) my husband and his brother had gone out to cut down and steal from National Forest land the night before. There was even a stack of presents for me. My first thought was, "they shouldn't have!"
Then I opened them and I thought, "Wow, they really shouldn't have."
Just thinking about that bag of pantyhose seconds from the outlet store makes me want to pull at my crotch in a decidedly unladylike fashion.
That really sums up the holiday season for me. The whole thing feels like a pair of control top pantyhose with one of the legs sewn on crooked. It doesn't quite fit and I'm never quite comfortable.
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Posted by Eileen at 7:00 AM | Comments (9)
Comments
Oh, Eileen. I wish you would come to my house for the holidays. I am a Christmas fanatic! And you could teach my kids about Hanukkah. I sometimes start decorating as early as -- sorry, close your eyes -- November 1st. Definitely by Thanksgiving weekend. We bake tons of homemade cookies and cakes and pies and drink eggnog (just today I laid in the supplies of spiced rum) and it's just a big ball of I'm so thankful for everything I can't stand it. We have our annual viewing of A CHRISTMAS STORY and all the cartoons - Frosty and Rudolph, etc. etc. and I have a collection of ornaments large enough to decorate four trees now. I'll send happy, non-grinchy (Love that one, too, Princess looked a lot like Cindy Lou Who at that age!) love your way all the way through the end of the year!
hugs,
alesia
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at November 12, 2006 5:01 PM
I too have a long affair with Christmas. All those sparkly lights, the cookies, the sanctioned use of liquor laden drinks. Calories have no meaning in December.
Posted by: Eileen at November 12, 2006 5:35 PM
Ah, nothing says Christmas like poaching a tree from a National Forest Preserve. Brings a tear to my eye and a song to my heart.
And passive-aggressive gift-giving...a time-honored family tradition. I may have to weigh in on that comes Tuesday.
Posted by: Beth Kendrick at November 12, 2006 6:01 PM
Eileen, I'm totally with you. And I'm not even Jewish. I love the tree and the decorations and the songs - well, most of the songs, I really like "Santa Baby" - but the gifts. Yargh. Fish and I don't buy each other gifts for anything. If we want it, we get it, and birthdays and Christmas and whatnot are for spending time together. The kids, it's gotta be gift-central, and that's awesome, but for adults? What do you get someone who can go out and get what they want? I go one of two ways - the personal, hand-made gift or a gift certificate. There's really no other way to fly.
But you know I'm gonna call you on Christmas now, don't you? Singing "Santa Baby." Just you wait, Grinch!
Posted by: Lani at November 13, 2006 8:32 AM
Alesia, a woman after my heart. Christmas isn't the same without repeated viewings of A CHRISTMAS STORY. This year my sister even managed to find a board game based on the movie for my dad. And she is getting a leg lamp ornament from Hallmark.
Posted by: Hope at November 13, 2006 9:02 AM
>>passive-aggressive gift-giving
Yes, ask me about the pot with the 99cent box of macaroni and cheese in it sometime . . .
Posted by: Alesia Holliday at November 13, 2006 9:26 AM
I have never actually seen A CHRISTMAS STORY. At this point, my favorite holiday movie is BAD SANTA. I do, however, really like Santa Baby. Maybe we can do a duet, Lani. I'll see if I can learn it on my autoharp.
LC Eileen
P.S. Mac and cheese as a holiday present isn't passive. It's just plain aggressive.
Posted by: Eileen at November 13, 2006 11:13 AM
Due to the fact that hubby's family lives here and my family lives 1800 miles away (and would involve plane fares x3 for all of us to go), we inevitably spend Christmas with his family. Whom I have a love/hate relationship with. Mostly, they annoy the living hell out of me and my mother-in-law has the unique ability to drive me bat-shit insane. I should probably mention that they have that effect on my husband as well.
But I still love Christmas. Decorating. Making candy (I have my two batches of chocolate-covered cherries done and a batch of peanut clusters. Still have to do the peanut butter balls, caramels, and creams.) Checking out the $10,000 worth of items on my son's Christmas list. If only I didn't have to spend the day itself at my mil's. Where we will all receive new toothbrushes (because obviously, we would never change them if not for her) and she will make a point of how she had to look specifically for a soft one for me and we will also receive toothpaste, in a brand that makes my tongue numb and that I refuse to use (I have like 6 tubes of Colgate at home, if anyone wants them).
Hmmm...Sorry about that. Guess I'm wearing my rantypants today...
Posted by: Dia at November 13, 2006 6:11 PM
You should wear your rantypants everyday in the LC! I certainly do . . .
LC Eileen
Posted by: Eileen at November 14, 2006 10:35 AM
