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November 24, 2006

Spam Again!

And how I have absolute proof that there IS an afterlife…

Happy Thanksgiving for yesterday to all of our American chicklets! (And a huge thank you for the laughs from Lani and Fish.)

Here in Rotterdam it was, sniffle, a turkey-free zone. Partly because the Dutch don't celebrate Thanksgiving (because of being Dutch), and partly because it is nearly impossible to purchase whole turkeys here. A friend explained this to me today over lunch. Apparently, whole turkeys are a seasonal food item and when we get closer to Christmas they will indeed be available in (most) supermarkets. Yay!

Yes, yes, Michelle, but what does this have to do with Spam and The Afterlife, I hear you all cry? Well...

Not very much except that thinking of turkey made me think of food, and what Christmas food treats I am going to purchase in the UK next week when I visit my family. And then I had cause to think of Spam (not the food variety, the other variety) when I opened my snail mailbox.

How I loathe and detest Spam. Any kind of Spam, whether it be of the e-mail variety, the snail mail variety, or the person-to-person in the high street variety.

But whilst emptying my mailbox and sorting out the real mail (0) and Spam mail (5 billion) my eye caught sight of a cheerful little missive which asked me, "begrafenis of crematie?" and I couldn't help but retrieve it from the trash. I just couldn't resist it. Here's my (undoubtedly) mangled translation.

Burial or Cremation?
From only 3 Euros and 69 cents per month you can be assured of a good, well-cared for departure!
More than 2,700,000 satisfied customers!

And so my question is this: How do they know for sure that the dearly departed were satisfied with their well-cared for departures? All I can think is that it took a lot of mediums to find out...

Michelle, being just a little bit tongue in cheek :-)

Posted by Michelle at 10:25 AM | Comments (17)

Comments

Maybe the mediums use some kind of unsolicited "feedback form". Wouldn't it be just like those spammers to get you in the afterlife too?

Posted by: Susan Hatler at November 24, 2006 12:20 PM

Susan, you are so right - eek! Spam in The Afterlife!! There really is no escape...

Posted by: Michelle C at November 24, 2006 2:57 PM

My late husband still gets cell phone offers for some reason. I occasionally want to sign up just to see what number he might have.

LC Eileen

Posted by: Eileen [TypeKey Profile Page] at November 24, 2006 4:29 PM

You see, this is when the alarmed coffin comes in handy. Then you can climb out and report on your burial satisfaction . . .

Posted by: Alesia Holliday [TypeKey Profile Page] at November 24, 2006 5:29 PM

You know, Alesia, I did think of your alarmed coffin when I read the leaflet :-) I can see the headline now: "Covered on all planes of existence."

A win-win situation :-)

Posted by: Michelle C at November 24, 2006 6:04 PM

I love it when it all comes together like that.

LC Eileen

Posted by: Eileen [TypeKey Profile Page] at November 25, 2006 12:31 AM

But you know what this means, don't you, Eileen? Telemarketing calls in The Afterlife, too!

Posted by: Michelle C at November 25, 2006 12:09 PM

Did you ever see an episode of The Twilight Zone where someone kept getting phone calls and it turned out the phone line was down and lying across a grave? Saw that when I was maybe 14 and it scared the crap out of me for weeks . . .

Posted by: Alesia Holliday [TypeKey Profile Page] at November 25, 2006 2:56 PM

I didn't see that episode (what can I say? I was deprived!)

But how about the frissons in the Bruce Willis movie "The Sixth Sense?" I, of course, didn't understand what was going on until The Very End. Great movie (no spoilers from me, heh). Totally had me glued to the screen...

Posted by: Michelle C at November 25, 2006 6:00 PM

OMG The Sixth Sense! That movie had my jumping into my bed from about a foot away for weeks, so no creepy hands could grab my ankle.
Berni

Posted by: Berni at November 25, 2006 7:08 PM

I knew how Sixth Sense ended--that was the only reason I agreed to watch it with my sis in law one night. Great movie, especially when you watch it a second time because then you see all the little clues...

I won't watch scary movies unless I know the ending, and sometimes not even then. No Friday the 13th or Halloweens for me, thank you very much! LOL!

And yes, they still send spam and whatnot to my aunt for my uncle who has been gone now for almost 8 years.... Guess you gotta hand it to those telemarketers--they just never give up!!

Posted by: Sheri at November 26, 2006 4:55 PM

Bernie, I hear you on the leg-grabbing thing! But then again I am the person who still checks my bed for spiders every night, on account of that urban tale about how many spiders walk across our beds each night, or was it the one about how many spiders we swallow (inadvertently) in a year? I can't remember now. But I did once find a large, hairy spider under my pillow...

Sheri, I watched The Sixth Sense again straight away. I couldn't believe I'd missed the clues. But I am with you on the scary movies - I won't watch them unless I know how they end.

PS. I have thwarted a recent batch of Dutch telemarketers by pretending that we have a really bad connection, and that I just cannot hear them! At last - success!!

Posted by: Michelle C at November 26, 2006 5:34 PM

That reminds me of a couple of things I have heard of to defeat telemarketers. My aunt once got a call and she acted like she didn't understand that the guy was selling something. INstead she kept exclaiming how excited she was to have WON something and kept asking about it and how to get it sent to her--something stupid like a briefcase or something. The guy finally just laughed and hung up! The second one was probably some email I received, but the guy used to answer and listen for a minute, then ask the person to hold on and would set the phone down and walk away. He got a kick out of seeing how long the marketer would stay on the phone before finally getting a clue and hanging up! I've thought about trying that myself....

Posted by: Sheri at November 27, 2006 8:03 PM

Sheri - I love your aunt! I may borrow her tactic the next time I get one of "those" calls :-)

I like the idea of putting the phone down and walking away, too...

Ah, you live and learn something new every day!

Posted by: Michelle C at November 28, 2006 1:38 PM

what will those telemarketers react if we pretend to sell sth to them while they are asking us to buy anything?

i've never tried it before, since in Beijing (China) here, we seldom get spam through the phone but a lot by eamil which is also very noisy.

Hi Michelle, did any producer make a movie basd on your book 32AA? i just finished reading it in Chinese on this Monday ,it's a interesting book that i enjoyed a lot, and my friends also want to know if there's a movie from that book?=^^=


Posted by: kobe.Su at November 30, 2006 3:41 AM

Kobe.su - Aw, I am so happy that you enjoyed 32AA :-) Sadly, there was movie interest but in the way most of these things go it fizzled out. One day, who knows?

It is very cool indeed to have a comment from someone in Beijing! (And from someone who read my book in Chinese.)

Posted by: Michelle C at December 8, 2006 1:00 PM

hehe, it is also very excited to get reply from the author i like````` and it was my 1st time to leave sms to any author and got response.
i told my colleagues that i got a reply from you, but they did not believe it at the 1st, and become interested in your blog and your book after i showed it to them:)
our HR mgr has already ordered your book 32AA on Chinese azona book store on line, it will become a popular book in our office.
unfortunately, i can not find it in English, and there hasnt any translation book for call waiting.So, i'll be patient to wait for them:)
Merry Christmas`````` sheng dan kuai le`````

Posted by: kobe at December 22, 2006 4:36 AM

As of June 26th, 2007, Literary Chicks has closed its doors. However, the site will be here for a while, so feel free to poke around our archives! Thanks!



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