« A little luxury goes a long way | Main | Wedded Weeds »
January 15, 2007
With This Ring, I Be Wed
It's Theme Week!
Many couples these days choose to sign a pre-nuptial agreement before they get married. In most cases, it’s a way of stating right up front who gets what in the event of a divorce. In some cases, it also serves to set some ground rules for the marriage itself. (When we take the dog for a walk, I hold the leash and you hold the pooper-scooper. )
Now, I like pre-nups. I really do. But here’s the problem: You don’t always know what’s going to drive you crazy about your mate. Furthermore, what comes across as endearing in year two of a relationship can be downright unforgiving in year fifteen. My solution? Forget the pre-nup; instead, go with a post-nup.
Last night, my husband and I met some friends for dinner. He drove, and as we arrived at the restaurant, we proceeded to drive up and down the aisles of the parking lot, looking for just the right spot. As always, I pointed out plenty of perfectly-decent spots. (“There’s a space. Or there. How about that one? WE COULD BE INSIDE BY NOW!!”) But he just kept driving, up and down, up and down. Then, he waited patiently as some eighty-year-old early-bird diner took about ten minutes to back his boat-of-a-car out of his (admittedly) prime parking spot. After my husband claimed the spot, he turned to me and said, “You’ve got to agree, I always get a good parking spot. I’m lucky that way.”
He always says that. He’s been saying it for twenty years. He calls it luck; I call it a ridiculous waste of time. Once finally inside, with the first glass of petite syrah warming my stomach, I tossed out the idea of a post-nup. It turned out to be a popular idea.
Here’s the one my husband would like for me to sign:
I, Laura Fitzgerald, understand perfectly well that taking out the garbage is not a job for men only. I further agree that when the garbage can is clearly full, I will STOP adding to it.
I agree that if a kitchen appliance is typically used once a week, the best spot for it is on the kitchen counter. I agree that the toaster, the can opener, and the blender really do belong on the counter at all times. Out of sight means out of mind, after all, and why buy an appliance if it’s just going to be put it away somewhere and forgotten about?
I agree that windows and doors will remain closed during my husband’s allergy season.
I agree that when driving together, we’ll turn on the air conditioning rather than roll down all the windows. I agree that if the sunroof breaks once on the car, I will never open it again.
I agree that when going through the car wash, I will make sure the sunroof is closed really, really tight -- especially when my husband is with me in the front seat wearing an expensive suit and has an important meeting to attend immediately upon exiting the car wash. Further, I promise to never, ever laugh in such situations, because it’s not one bit funny.
Finally, I agree that if I, Laura Fitzgerald, wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a baby crying, I will resist the urge to awaken my husband and inform him that the baby’s crying and it's his turn to take care of said baby. I won’t claim that “just because I’m a light sleeper I shouldn’t be penalized.” I understand: A sleeping husband is a happy husband.
Your turn!
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Laura Fitzgerald at 12:59 AM | Comments (4)
Comments
I, Eileen Rendahl, agree to always use the remote to turn off the television with the special button pushing that makes it so the cable box and the tv turn on simultaneously when the next person comes along.
Furthermore, I will not leave shoes sitting wherever I've taken them off. I will instead take them to the shoe trees that have thoughtfully been purchased for me, actually put them on the tree, however, I do not have to put pairs in any specific order.
And finally, I will stop apologizing.
The LC Eileen
Posted by: The LC Eileen at January 15, 2007 1:18 PM
I, Wendy Somerville, agree that making the bed before going to work is silly and also agree to making said bed by myself or making bed with husband immediately prior to retiring at night.
Posted by: Wendy at January 15, 2007 3:24 PM
I, Sherry Martin, agree to completely close doors immediately after retrieving intended item. This includes all kitchen, bathroom and medicine cabinets and all closet and shower doors.
I also agree to not warm up my cold feet on my husbands warm legs.
Posted by: Sherry at January 16, 2007 2:49 PM
I, Sheri Maderos, agree that I will not bring anything else home that pees, poops, breathes, or eats without first asking my husband. This includes both the two-legged and four-legged kind of creature, children included....
Posted by: Sheri at January 21, 2007 11:02 AM
