« With This Ring, I Be Wed | Main | I Vow Not To Vow »
January 16, 2007
Wedded Weeds
The vows you never knew you made... until it was too late.
I don't remember my vows. Probably because I didn't write them, and was made to recite them at 6am on a Saturday morning in The Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada. I do remember, however, that this was also the chapel where Rikki Lake was wed. And Michael Jordan. Both of whom I believe are still happily married, are they not? So, I'm feeling pretty good about that.
I didn't say "obey," though. I know that. I believe love, honor, cherish, etc, were part of the festivities, but if you held a red hot poker to my Buffy DVDs, I wouldn't swear to it. All I remember is staring up into Fish's eyes, and thinking, "I can't believe I got my period on my wedding day."
Sorry. Am I oversharing?
Anyway, the thing about vows is that you kind of make them up as you go along in marriage. Love, honor, cherish, of course. But there are the little agreements that pop up along the way that are far more interesting, and typically unspoken. Through trial and error - predominantly error - they just sprout up under our wedded feet, like weeds. For instance:
Fish has learned not to wake me up when he comes home from work late at night; I have learned not to speak to him in the morning before he's had his coffee. The children, however, seem incapable of learning either of these things, and will joyfully wake either of us up at whatever damn time they damn well please.
Fish has learned to never, even in jest, comment in any way on our girls' weight, lest my head explode and blood-red rage bleed from my ears; I have learned never to refer to anything on Fish's anatomy, no matter what it is I'm talking about, as "tiny" or "little." Thus, Fish has a big toe, three middle toes, and a less-big toe.
Fish has learned that the fastest way to end an argument is to make me laugh; I have learned that the fastest way to end an argument is to take off my shirt.
Fish has learned that usually, if he just waits long enough, eventually I'll forget why I'm mad; I have learned that... oh, wait. I forget.
Fish has learned that the best way to get me in a romantic mood is to light candles, pour me a glass of wine, and listen to me talk for a while; I've learned that the best way to get him in the mood is to say, "Hey. Ya wanna?"
So, do you have any little weeds of wisdom in your marriage? Share them here!
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Lani at 2:00 PM | Comments (7)
Comments
That sometimes, it's not worth nagging him to do something when with a little bit of thinking, you can just do it your own darn self. Especially when you've been gently reminding him to do it for over a year.
Posted by: Jennifer at January 16, 2007 3:31 PM
I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Michael Jordan and his wife filed for divorce right before New Year's.
My weed: If someone has offered to take some task off your hands, such as making the Mac 'n Cheese or dusting or something like that, they get to do it their way. That, and try to remember that generally people are doing their best all the time.
LC Eileen
Posted by: The LC Eileen at January 16, 2007 4:44 PM
Um, Ricki Lake...also divorced.
Her first husband, anyway. I think she got re-married recently. Guess who has been OD-ing on back issues of "People" in the dentist's waiting room?
Posted by: Beth at January 17, 2007 2:36 AM
Rikki? Michael? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Obviously SOMEONE's not up on their pop culture.
Well, Fish and I are still married! So the Little White Wedding Chapel has something to brag about.
Although they probably remember Michael Jordon more.
Posted by: Lani ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at January 17, 2007 8:55 AM
If they remember Michael and Juanita Jordan more, then they're fools! You and Fish are clearly the superior couple.
Posted by: The LC Eileen at January 17, 2007 11:35 AM
I have learned that it is much easier and less stressful to go shopping (any kind of shopping) by myself than to insist that Geeky Guy go with me.
I have learned not to bitch at him about staying up half the night because, truly, it doesn't matter and it's just how he functions.
Now *he* needs to learn not to complain about my snoring because IT'S NOT LIKE I'M DOING IT ON PURPOSE JUST TO ANNOY HIM. After all, turn about is fair play.
Posted by: Dia at January 19, 2007 12:02 AM
I have learned that if Oh Darling One is in the mood to talk it is useless for me to try and ignore him with a book or computer--he just keeps talking until I have to pay attention to him...
I have learned that knowing what is going to happen each day is of utmost important to him. He wants a Plan, damn it, and he isn't happy unless I can recite to him, minute by minute, what I have on for my day. This, of course, drives me absolutely CRAZY because I am more of the laisseze fair mind set, or maybe the Doris Day way of life--you know, "Que Sera sera (I don't know how to spell it! sheesh!), whatever may be, will be...". So I make up things, just to keep him happy.
Hey, it's worked. We will have been married 19 years next month, and we've been together 21 years in July. Not too shabby. And Lani, we got married at Bally's chapel in Sparks--and I didn't have my period! *wink*
Posted by: Sheri at January 21, 2007 11:12 AM
