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January 18, 2007
Marriage: endangered species?
IIt's wedding week!
Here we are in wedding vows week at the LC, and I heard on the news yesterday that for the first time in our nation's history, more adult women are unmarried than married. It's a slight margin - 51% are single (which includes divorced and widowed, for the purposes of this study). But, still, it's a big shift in the expectation that every woman is growing up holding her breath for the white wedding, the perfect groom, and 2.4 children.
On the other hand, here in Virginia, some yahoo of a politician is trying to introduce a legislative amendment that brings back that old chestnut, the "at fault" divorce. Here's a little explanation: currently, Virginia, like many states, has no-fault divorce. So a couple can actually get divorced without going through the miserable process of one of them having to publicly and legally blame the other one for something heinous that caused the marriage to end. In the old days, some couples would "choose" which of them got to be legally at fault just for the proceedings. And, really, that's what you want to splay all over court proceedings and in front of your kids, right? That Daddy's a cad or Mommy's a scum?
In my opinion, not so much. Sometimes, nobody's to blame. Sometimes, you just fall out of love with somebody you married 20 years ago when you were 18 and stupid and had different goals. Why SHOULDN'T this painful process of separation be even MORE hideously emotionally difficult, though, according to politician yahoo?
No wonder more women are staying single. To avoid dealing with this sort of thing.
I've seen so much divorce in my family and friends. And I've seen so many people choose to stay single. But, for me, there is a benefit to being married. I know that we loved each other enough to take those vows. I loved the wedding and gathering all of our family and friends together to celebrate with us. It's a ritual in a time when there aren't many rituals left to us.
But what do you think? What do you like about being married or staying single? I'm in rather an inquisitive mood, and would love to hear your insights.
Unless you're a politician.
hugs,
Alesia
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Alesia at 3:36 PM | Comments (9)
Comments
As today is my 14th Wedding Anniversary I'd have to say I love being married. My husband is always there for me. When my Mother fell into a coma after surgery he made sure I was on a plane and across the country to her within hours. When I had to have surgery while pregnant that couldd have harmed me or the baby, he was there the entire time. He volunteered to shave my legs when I was pregnant (HA! No way!). He has been my shoulder to cry on when I have been depressed. He makes me laugh. He still holds my hand when I'm not carrying our youngest.
I have pushed and supported him through 3 associates degrees, a Bachelors degree, and now working on his Masters degree. I have listened to him rant over the unfairness of world and we trade thoughts on everything from religion to global warming to Marvin the Martian! He is my true love and my heart still goes pitty-pat when I look into his blue eyes. To me marriage is not required and some are happy alone. But, my husband is what makes me happy (and our kids and fur-babies) so that makes marriage inportant!
Posted by: Brandy at January 18, 2007 6:28 PM
Happy anniversary Brandy!! He sounds like a keeper. :)
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at January 18, 2007 6:58 PM
I was 18 when I got married and even though it's been 37 years, I much prefer that both my daughters truly find out what it is they want in life and not be in such a hurry.
Posted by: catslady at January 18, 2007 8:07 PM
Well, I'll chime in as the single. I've been in long-term relationships. Even been engaged. I'm just not sure marriage is for me. I don't like having to clear all my decisions with someone else (although, I'll admit, there are times I wish there was someone else to MAKE the decisions). I like not having to really share my son with anyone. He does spend time with his dad, but it's not an exorbitent amount of time. I like not having to justify buying what I want with my own (hard-earned) money. Or having to listen to someone whine about how I make more than them.
But most of all, I like having my big bed all to myself! LMAO
Posted by: Jen at January 19, 2007 7:53 AM
Huh, another formerly-engaged Jen who doesn't think marriage is for her. I just don't do well with caregiving, or juggling someone else's problems in addition to my own...and I'm really burnt out on it! I like my freedom these days!
Posted by: Jennifer at January 21, 2007 2:41 AM
I never thought I would get married--never dated in high school or college, really. But then I met my husband and I realized that maybe it would work. He's the only one that will put up with all of my craziness and eccentricities. Without him I would never have had my daughters, who I love more than life itself. He is my best friend in many ways. and yet....
I miss the freedoms Jen was talking about. I don't like to report to someone every minute of every day. If I don't feel like cleaning the house I shouldn't have to. If I want to spend my day in front of the computer or writing, I should be able to without being made to feel guilty. I love the bit about spending my money--damn it, it's MY money and I earned it! And yet....
I like having someone to come home to. I love sharing my bed. I love it when we just go away together, just the two of us. We can talk for hours and still not get tired of each other. He is an awesome dad to our daughters, and for that he gets a free pass for the rest of his life.
Posted by: Sheri at January 21, 2007 11:24 AM
I was married (really young) to a guy who wanted to control EVERYTHING and I mean everything! He hated the sound of crunching food. It took over two years after we seperated for me to actually CHEW a chip and not just let it turn to mush in my mouth before I swallowed it.
We have two beautiful children. We've managed to find a place where we co-parent. We're friends of sorts. I'm proud of myself for this. It took a while to get here, but we DID. And it's so much better for the kids.
Then, I moved on to another relationship... I hadn't been seperated long at all. Definitely not long enough. But I had this hideous fear of being alone. And I chose badly. I never married this guy, but we DO have a beautiful daughter.
He's violent. And mean. And scary. He's irresponsible and wild. I got out before he killed me, but only just.
And then I stayed single for a long while.
Now, I am dating a guy I've been acquaintences/friends with for years. We've been dating for two years. And it's been the slowest evolving relationship I've ever known.
It's also the best.
Would I get married again? Yes. Absolutely. Without a doubt. Just not to the wrong guy.
Posted by: laurenjharwood at January 25, 2007 11:51 AM
I was married (really young) to a guy who wanted to control EVERYTHING and I mean everything! He hated the sound of crunching food. It took over two years after we seperated for me to actually CHEW a chip and not just let it turn to mush in my mouth before I swallowed it.
We have two beautiful children. We've managed to find a place where we co-parent. We're friends of sorts. I'm proud of myself for this. It took a while to get here, but we DID. And it's so much better for the kids.
Then, I moved on to another relationship... I hadn't been seperated long at all. Definitely not long enough. But I had this hideous fear of being alone. And I chose badly. I never married this guy, but we DO have a beautiful daughter.
He's violent. And mean. And scary. He's irresponsible and wild. I got out before he killed me, but only just.
And then I stayed single for a long while.
Now, I am dating a guy I've been acquaintences/friends with for years. We've been dating for two years. And it's been the slowest evolving relationship I've ever known.
It's also the best.
Would I get married again? Yes. Absolutely. Without a doubt. Just not to the wrong guy.
Posted by: laurenjharwood at January 25, 2007 11:52 AM
I was married (really young) to a guy who wanted to control EVERYTHING and I mean everything! He hated the sound of crunching food. It took over two years after we seperated for me to actually CHEW a chip and not just let it turn to mush in my mouth before I swallowed it.
We have two beautiful children. We've managed to find a place where we co-parent. We're friends of sorts. I'm proud of myself for this. It took a while to get here, but we DID. And it's so much better for the kids.
Then, I moved on to another relationship... I hadn't been seperated long at all. Definitely not long enough. But I had this hideous fear of being alone. And I chose badly. I never married this guy, but we DO have a beautiful daughter.
He's violent. And mean. And scary. He's irresponsible and wild. I got out before he killed me, but only just.
And then I stayed single for a long while.
Now, I am dating a guy I've been acquaintences/friends with for years. We've been dating for two years. And it's been the slowest evolving relationship I've ever known.
It's also the best.
Would I get married again? Yes. Absolutely. Without a doubt. Just not to the wrong guy.
Posted by: laurenjharwood at January 25, 2007 11:55 AM
