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January 19, 2007
Unwed . . .
But still makin' promises
Before I get to our theme this week, I'd like to take a second for a big woo-hoo for Ms. Alesia Holliday! Alesia's novel, Nice Girls Finish First, finalled in the Aspen Gold contest! It's not like we needed any outside validation of the fact that Alesia rocks, but hey, it's always nice!
Now, to the subject of vows. I would be the unmarried Literary Chick. Cowboy and I have not officially tied the knot although we are engaged. We have actually been engaged long enough that an acquaintance of ours has gotten divorced, remarried and had a baby since Cowboy managed to stumble out a proposal that, at first, I thought was a thank you for putting clean sheets on the bed.
Whatever.
Anyway, not really being married hasn't stopped us from making vows. Our first and foremost one is: Friends first.
Cowboy and I first met in the fall of 1980 when he had a party in his dorm room. I attended with my boyfriend at the time, met Cowboy and we ended up being buddies. We had some memorable moments together. I fondly remember the night I got a call from some poor kid across campus who didn't know what to do with a falling down drunk Cowboy. I hauled him back to his room, cleaned him up, tucked him into bed and stayed with him until he passed out, er, I mean, fell asleep.
I also remember him comforting me in the kitchen I shared with my first husband when I found out that I wasn't pregnant. It wasn't like we were planning a pregnancy then and, honestly, I knew it would have been disastrous, but I was still sad. I have no idea where Husband #1 was at that point (which goes some ways toward explaining why he isn't still my husband), but it was Cowboy who held me while I cried over the baby that wasn't.
We shared a lot of dinners, parties, movies, weddings and even a funeral over the years, but we didn't share a kiss until the year 2000. That's right, it took us twenty years to get to our first kiss.
I was terrified. First of all, it had been a while since I'd kissed anybody and even longer since I'd kissed someone new. Worse, I was terrified that by taking a chance that a wonderful friend could be even more, I was risking losing the wonderful friend.
Luckily, the whole kiss thing worked out great. Which is good because I like to spend a fair amount of time doing that. It's one of my favorite hobbies. It turns out, though, Cowboy was just as worried as I was about the whole losing a wonderful friend thing. After we were done kissing, we talked and that's when we came up with our Numero Uno Rule: Friends First.
At first, it just meant that even if things didn't work out between us romantically, we'd still be friends, but it's taken on a whole other dimension. It means that I trust that he always has my best interests in mind. It means that he knows I am always on his side. It means that he will drop everything if I need him. It means that I will always be there for him. It means that he is the first person I call with good news. It means that I am always there with a hug. I love the kissing part of our relationship and all that goes with it, but I think I will always first and foremost love our friendship.
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Eileen at 1:30 AM | Comments (7)
Comments
Awww, that's just beautiful and SO romantic.
I DO think that is the golden key to longevity in a relationship. I mean, let's face it, there will be times you want to rip his face right off (or is that just me?) but the fact that my hubby my oldest and best friend keeps me from it, and saves more than just his looks. Remaining good friends is the funnest part about wanting to get old with someone. Thanks for sharing and making me feel warm and fuzzy inside. :)
Delilah
Posted by: Delilah at January 19, 2007 2:24 AM
Sadly, Delilah, it is not just you. I've been known to give Cowboy's face a good scorching. What can I say? It happens. Still, I think the friend thing keeps it to a minimum.
The LC Eileen
Posted by: The LC Eileen at January 19, 2007 11:14 AM
Thanks, honey! That's actually news from last July, though . . . lol.
And I feel very lucky to have you as a friend, too.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at January 19, 2007 2:06 PM
That is the sweetest entry I have ever read. Friends first... that is the way it should be.
Posted by: Alexis at January 19, 2007 11:05 PM
Thank you, Alexis! We like it this way.
The LC Eileen
Posted by: The LC Eileen at January 20, 2007 7:06 PM
I totally agree. Darling One and I were definitely friends first. In fact, I liked the guy he worked with and kept trying to arrange get-togethers and activities our group homes could participate in together, but Darling One kept butting in and bringing the kids himself. We started talking and I discovered that we had a lot of stuff in common and he was interesting on top of that. One of my fondest memories from those days was the telephone conversations we had late at night. Some were three or four hours long!
Anyway. We became friends first but I knew I was in love when he came over to see me when I was so sick I couldn't even get out of bed and he didn't run away screaming. It wasn't a pretty sight, but he didn't seem to care and was more worried about me than how I looked--what a guy! We finally ended up moving in together when my roommate left me in the lurch and we have been together ever since.
I tell my daughters that they need to be friends with any guy before they try to have a romantic relationship with him. Too many relationships start out because of lust and lust doesn't last. Friends are friends forever. Opposites attract, but there has to be some common ground or there won't be anything to talk about. Hopefully I don't have to worry about this quite yet--both girls adamantly deny having a boy friend or anyone they are interested in for that purpose, so I am hoping to put it off for a little while longer... Quit laughing back there! Yeah, you, over there in the corner! Well, a mother can hope, can't she?!!
Posted by: Sheri at January 21, 2007 11:41 AM
This one made me cry. In a good way. Thanks for that. :)
Posted by: laurenjharwood at January 25, 2007 11:44 AM
