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January 24, 2007
Tongue Blands!
Yes, it’s that time of year, again.
That time when I am revisiting one of my love-to-hate topics. That good old bad old phenomenon that is Spam (but oh so early in the year, I hear you all cry? What can I say? I'm jaded).
Instead of ruthlessly clicking the “empty” option on my bulk mail today, I decided to take a peek at my Spam. Is it my just imagination, or do they not try very hard anymore? I mean, they just sound too ludicrous to even bother reading (I didn’t get that far – if they can’t think up a good name and subject, why should I read them?)
Anyhoo, here are a few favorites. And my comments, of course…
From: ..Skinny
Subject: Get pre-qualified
Dear ..Skinny,
I worry about your health, I really do. Please, for your own sake, go eat something and pre-qualify for a healthy weight. And by the way, what’s the .. all about?
From: Tongue
Subject: Blands
Dear Tongue,
Oh, dear. Blands? I’m sure that you are a lovely person. Your girlfriend is obviously telling you this because she doesn’t want to date you anymore. My best wishes for putting her behind you and getting on with your life.
From: Culture J. Sucinctly
Subject:
Dear Culture J. Sucinctly,
Two suggestions. Please use a subject heading, because if you don’t I immediately assume that you are spamming me. Also, it’s only courteous to spell correctly when spamming someone (hint, it’s succinctly – use spellcheck next time).
From: Brain
Subject: Re:. Possible Meet.ing
Dear Brain,
I’m s.o sor.ry abo.ut yo.ur nam.e. It mu.st cau.se y.ou a lo.t o.f embarras.sment. Regarding our possible meeting - Do I know you?
From: Bulb F. Pausing
Subject: A maximilian at aural
Dear Bulb. F. Pausing,
I am sorry that you have A maximilian whispering in your ear. Tell him/her to stop right now!
So, anyone out there got any good stuff to share? Like Bulb. F. Pausing, I'm all ears...
Posted by Michelle at 2:33 PM | Comments (7)
Comments
I just had to go look. In my spam folder I am referred to as Dude several times. As in hey dude, look at this. Hey dude do I have an offer for you. Hey dude. I'm sensing a Weird Al song in here somewhere.
I also realized, horror of horrors, that I am Spam. Every post I've made to every loop I'm on is in my Spam folder.
What does it mean when your own computer doesn't recognize you? Does it think my posts are meaningless? How do I explain to it that I'm really witty? If it won't read my mail then how do I communicate with it?
Is this the first step in a computer break-up? Will it start hiding my files and losing my pictures next?
What's a gal to do?
Posted by: cindy at January 24, 2007 5:22 PM
I think there's a certain poetry to a lot of them in a sort of Dada-ist way. I recently changed e-mail addresses and the spammers haven't found me yet. I kind of miss them.
The LC Eileen
Posted by: The LC Eileen at January 25, 2007 11:12 AM
Michelle, that's just not fair. I never get any fun spam. All I have are 2,000 (yes, two THOUSAND) e-mails telling me that I've been pre-approved for drugs from Canada (what's up with that? I've only been to Canada once. How do they know these things?), a mortgage re-finance approval (that I didn't apply for, but hey, I'm pre-approved for up to 1 million dollars, so who knows!), a whole bunch of free Apple products (like phones and iPods), and of course, there are over 200 people that want to meet ME, tonight, to do all sorts of things that I don't even think are LEGAL in my state. Do you think they know where I live? Because frankly, they're kinda scary.
But alas, nothing from Brain or Bulb.
So not fair. You get cool Spam, and I get perverts that want to offer me low-rate financing and canadian drugs.
Posted by: dee at January 25, 2007 4:21 PM
Cindy, maybe your computer is sulking, LOL. Did you tell it you loved it recently? Did you buy it anything nice for Christmas? Mine got an ergonomic keyboard pad and mouse (bribery can be so useful).
Eileen - Favorite spam of today with the subject title:
However, overdoing keywords on a website is against the rule of organic optimisa
Anybody have a clue what that means? *Michelle shakes head in confusion.*
Posted by: Michelle C at January 25, 2007 4:37 PM
I don't know what organic optimisa is either, but just thinking about is making me feel a little more Zen today.
The LC Eileen
Posted by: The LC Eileen at January 25, 2007 5:00 PM
Organic optimisa is like regular optimisa but without pesticides. Duh! I think you can get it at Trader Joes.
Posted by: Janina at January 25, 2007 6:38 PM
Aw, Dee, don't despair! Cheap drugs, 200 people who want to meet you for dubious reasons, and free ipods. You've got sex, drugs and rock n'roll covered in there, girl :-)
Out of curiosity I just looked up optimisa in my dictionary. What a surprise to find it wasn't in there! Oh, well, I guess we'll never know...
Posted by: Michelle C at January 26, 2007 4:14 AM
