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February 20, 2007
Boxers . . . or Briefs?
Neither!
Maybe I’m taking this week’s theme – What’s Underneath – a bit too literally, but here’s my answer:
A Victoria’s Secret Classic Cotton Bikini.
Too much information? Sorry. But I have a long, long love affair with the Victoria’s Secret Classic Cotton Bikini. After thorough trial and error, they’re the only panties I’ll ever buy. Even though it means that, a few times a year, I have to actually go in to the Victoria’s Secret store to stock up.
I hate the Victoria’s Secret store. Hate, hate, hate it.
Here’s the thing: the sales clerks there are the most annoying sales clerks in the world. They will not leave you alone. From the time I walk in to the store, to the time I walk out, pink bag in hand, I will have been asked approximately five thousand and forty two times, “May I help you find something?”
They station a woman right at the door to ask you this as you first walk in.
“No, thanks,” I say, shaking my head and smiling politely at her. “I know what I’m getting.”
But it doesn’t stop there. To get to the back of the store, where they stash the panties, I have to run a gauntlet of brazenly forward sales women, all armed with tape measurers and all determined to help me.
“May I help you?”
“May I help you?”
“May I help you?"
"I can measure your cup size!” one of the sales clerk says, holding out her tape measurer in an unnecessarily menacing fashion.
“No, no, no,” I say, hastily backing away and running smack into a rack of pink satin bustiers. “But thanks anyway!”
But they’re not satisfied with that. One of the sales women will always insist on following me around the store. Every time I pick up a pair of panties, she’ll ask hopefully, “Do you need help finding a size?”
“No,” I say. “I’m good.”
“Because we have other sizes!” she’ll chirp.
And it doesn’t even end once I finally have my panties picked out, and have brushed off all offers to have my bosoms measured, and finally make it to the check out. Because the sales clerk at the register won’t just take my credit card, and wrap up my panties. Oh, no. Instead, she’ll assault me with credit card offers, and in-store offers, and am I sure – am I really, really, really sure – that I don’t need a matching bra? Because they have matching bras! And they’re on sale! And it’s too good a deal to pass up!
“No,” I say through gritted teeth, trying to push my thirty bucks at her, so I can get the hell out of there. “I’m fine. Really.”
It exhausts me just thinking about it.
The worst is when I get a coupon from VS offering me a FREE pair of panties. I like that word: free. And, yes, I always very much want a free pair of panties, especially if it’s a Victoria’s Secret Classic Cotton Bikini. But when they give you that coupon? They don’t really want you to get a free pair of underwear. No. They want you to come in, and buy armfuls of bras and only then, at the last moment, as you’re checking out, remember that you have the free coupon.
So if you just go in for your free panties, and arrive at the register, panties and coupon in hand, the checker-outer gets a bit surly.
“You know, this coupon is also good for ten dollars off of a bra purchase,” she snaps.
“Yes, I know. But I don’t want a bra,” I say.
“Are you sure? Because that’s a great deal! A really, really great deal. And everyone can always use another bra,” she continues.
I swear, the Teamsters could take lessons from these chicks.
So I think maybe it’s time I start buying my panties off the Victoria’s Secret website. Because the pushy sales women I can do without . . . but I can’t live without my Victoria’s Secret Classic Cotton Bikinis.
This blog has been brought to you by Margo Candela's Underneath It All, a novel about finding out who you really are and then trying to forget what you discovered.
Posted by Whitney at 6:00 AM | Comments (4)
Comments
I, too, will only wear Vicki's cotton bikinis. I mean, comfort aside they're a DEAL. 5 pairs for $25? Come on! You cannot beat that. There's a price to pay for that cotton comfort, though, you're right. The sales people. I've been wearing bras long enough to know my cup size. And no, my 13 year old daughter doesn't want you to measure her cup size either. I don't need a matching bra, if I'd wanted one, I'd have selected one. Yes, I love the lip gloss, but I have 25 tubes that have shoved at me at one time or another and they'll last me awhile, thanks.
I've never understood the need for sales people to rush in and attack. It's NOT A GOOD MARKETING PLOY. I don't know anyone who enjoys it, do you? It doesn't make me want to browse in their store. Instead, it puts me on the defensive and scares me to death. I head in, head down, avoiding all eye contact. Quickly, I make my way to the back of the store, weaving in and out of intimate apparel in hopes that I will dodge them all. I arrive safely in the back of the store, and quickly survey the offerings, grabbing my size, praying I haven't mistakenly grabbed any hi-cut or low-rise. Once in line, I study the address book in my cell phone, still avoiding eye-contact, praying I will make it safely out of the store without being attacked by a tape measure.
Posted by: laurenjharwood ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at February 20, 2007 9:15 AM
Yes, yes, yes, Lauren! I'm so glad I'm not the only one.
I think next time I go in, I'll wear my iPod, and pretend I can't hear anyone.
Posted by: Whitney at February 20, 2007 10:06 AM
I hate shopping for clothes, lingerie included, in general. Which is why I get some of my clothes from GoJane.com and my undies at Target.
Posted by: Celise at February 21, 2007 6:53 PM
I find it intimidating and embarrassing to be hassled by sales people. If I have a question I will go find someone and ask them quietly, but I certainly don't care to be apprehended in the lingerie department of ANY store! Argh!
And I so thoroughly despise shopping for bras that I still have a $50 gift card in my purse for Mervyn's that was given to me specifically to purchase a bra or two with. Notice it is still in my purse. Unspent. Now THAT'S sad!
Posted by: Sheri at February 24, 2007 2:21 AM
