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February 23, 2007

The Myth of The Writer

Ooooh. Look at the pretty, pretty illusions. I must stomp on them.

I've never worked in any industry where the perception of what your life is like is so different from the reality. But then, writing is a so-called "glamour profession" (I'm not kidding; I read that somewhere, and laughed heartily afterward) which I guess means people think it's glamorous. And it is, to an extent. I mean, through it I've had the opportunity to meet some heroes, even befriend a few. And there's that moment when someone asks me what I do, and I tell them, and suddenly I become interesting. That's nice. I got to dress up one night and take home a pretty statue; I liked that a lot.

But mostly, I sit around in my pajamas, often unshowered, in a ponytail and no makeup, freaking out about my next deadline and wondering what time of day is really too early to have a glass of wine. Not terribly glamorous, that. So I thought today I'd debunk some of those myths for you, give you a little insight into what being a writer is really like.

Myth #1: Wow. You're published? You must be a millionaire. For some reason, there's this idea that because Stephen King and Tom Clancy and Jackie Collins can afford private jets, that all published authors make a lot of money. And people frequently feel perfectly justified in asking you how much you make, which is kinda funny. To be tactful, I usually put it this way - my car has 211,000 miles on it, and I've got my fingers crossed that the new layer of duct tape will get us to 215,000, because I can't afford another layer of duct tape. Does that paint a clear enough picture? Should I bring up the time I considered selling my organs on the black market? No? Okay. The fact is, this industry is like any other - the big names get the big bucks, and the rest of us are just lucky to play. And actually, I'm pretty happy with that. Yeah, it'd be nice to be secure in my ability to pay for the next round of duct tape, but the reality is, I get to do what I love for a living, which is a rare and special blessing. And that's worth more than money.

Um, but my agent will kill me if I say that out loud. So let's keep that just between us, okay, guys?

Myth #2: Writers live lives of whimsy, waiting for inspiration to strike, and then riding it to a completed book. Not so much. Who was it who said most men live lives of quiet desperation? Yeah. He meant writers. When we're not freaking out over the book we're writing, we're freaking out over the book we promised we'd write later, or the book coming out now, which we wrote so long ago we can't remember if it was the one with the talking cat or the maniac serial killer. Oh, sure, occasionally inspiration just strikes, but usually we have to bring a team of dogs and go hunt it's sorry ass down, then tie it up and throw it in our trunk and hope the cops don't stop us on the way home.

That's all metaphor, by the way. I've never put a living thing in my trunk. I shouldn't have to say that, but there's Myth #3 coming up...

Myth #3: All writers are drunks or crazy. Many times both. Okay. There's a little truth in that one, at least the crazy part. But it's a good crazy. We conjure up people who speak to us in our heads, sure. While people saner than us would go get that diagnosed and medicated, we say, "Maybe if I write down what they say, they'll shut up." Then, later, we see the pages in the corner and think, "Hmm. Maybe someone will write me a check for that." So are we crazy or just creatively solving a thorny problem? It's a strong case of tomato, to-mah-to, babe.

Myth #4: All writers have a core team of tiny woodland animals who braid their hair and make them pretty dresses for the Prince's ball. Oh, totally true.

Myth #5: Published writers are famous. This all depends upon your definition of fame. Are there people I don't know who know of me? Sure. A couple. Do I get stopped at the grocery store? Hell, no. Which is a good thing. I used to work in local television, and many of my friends were on-air personalities. I went out to get coffee with a girlfriend of mine once, and every five minutes or so, someone came up to her and interrupted to say hi, that they loved her show, etcetera, etcetera. One woman cried. I kid you not, cried. My friend, of course, was gracious beyond the telling of it because she's a lovely and gracious human being. I was totally freaked out. When the woman left, I leaned forward and said, "Oh, my God, she was crying." My friend shrugged and sipped her coffee and said, "That happens sometimes." That obviously had not been the first time. And that's just strange. So, no, writers are only famous in the good way, in that people know your name. We can still go to the grocery store in our pajamas, just like everyone else.

Wait. Am I the only one who does that? Hmmm.

Okay, that's it for me this week! I'd like to take a moment, though, to thank the lovely Margo Candela for joining us! Many of you may have noticed the technical difficulties we've been having (should be done now, fingers crossed, those of you so inclined my sacrifice a chicken for the safe return of reliable web service) but Margo was completely gracious about everything and just beyond lovely to have guesting with us. Pick up her book and tell all your friends!

Also, I'd like to let you know that I'm starting a podcast! Yes, you heard me right - a podcast! Which means that if my once-a-week here isn't enough Lani for you, you can listen to me for a half-hour, too, as I co-host weekly installments of Will Write for Wine with my good friend Samantha Graves. Check out the website for more information on how to listen, subscribe and be entered in our weekly giveaway... it promises to be very cool for anyone who reads, writes, or likes wine. Hopefully, that's most of you!

And one last thing, for those of you in the general area, the lovely Nora Roberts has invited me to her bookstore, Turn The Page, in Boonsboro, MD, for a huge booksigning event with Nora, Elaine Fox and Cordelia Frances Biddle on March 3rd! I'll be signing special early release copies of The Fortune Quilt for anyone who stops by. Details are on TTP's website; if you can't make it, you can order copies online through the virtual booksigning and I'll sign them when I get there, just for you. Check it out!

This blog has been brought to you by Margo Candela’s Underneath It All, a novel about finding out who you really are and then trying to forget what you discovered.

Posted by Lani at 9:01 AM | Comments (9)

Comments

Posted by: The LC Eileen at February 23, 2007 1:37 PM

Posted by: Dia at February 23, 2007 5:43 PM

Posted by: dee at February 23, 2007 9:07 PM

Posted by: brittney at February 24, 2007 12:35 AM

Posted by: Sheri at February 24, 2007 2:29 AM

Posted by: Lani at February 24, 2007 6:17 PM

Posted by: Jo at February 24, 2007 8:00 PM

Posted by: Eileen at February 25, 2007 5:13 PM

Posted by: Laura Florand at February 27, 2007 2:44 PM