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March 6, 2007
Luke . . . I Am Your Father.
And other lessons I've learned from the movies.
When I was a kid, I learned about the Dark Side the old fashioned way . . . at the movies.
For example, Gremlins taught me you should always follow instructions, especially if those instructions come from a wise old man and involve not feeding your new pet after midnight. Also, when used creatively, microwaves can come in handy when dispatching evil creatures from your home.
From Goonies, I learned to never, ever drop your baby on his head.
From the Indian Jones movies, I learned that if you announce that you’re afraid of snakes, they will start showing up. Frequently. So it's best not to mention your phobias. Also it’s always a good idea to carry a whip on your belt, just in case.
War Games taught me that one should not hack into the government’s secret military computer system. And if a computer asks you in a creepy mechanical voice if you’d like to play a game, the safest answer is, “No, thank you. I’d rather not.”
Horror movies were even more instructive. For example, I learned from Halloween to never, ever, ever drop your knife when being stalked. And from Friday the 13th, I learned that it is most definitely not safe to lie in a canoe in the middle of the lake when there are supernatural killers running around. Actually, that might have been Friday the 13th, Part 3. Whatever. It’s still a good tip. Child’s Play simply reinforced my belief that dolls are really freaking creepy.
And then there’s the Holy Trilogy: Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and The Return of the Jedi. These movies were full of educational moments on the Dark Side. For example, if you need to freeze someone for an undetermined amount of time, carbon is very useful. And it's always best to keep your gun at the ready, under the table, when dealing with unsavory characters.
(Incidentally, I also got some dating tips from the Star Wars franchise, such as how one should not lust after one’s twin sibling, even if you have been separated from birth. It’s oogey. And if you want to impress a date, announce that Boba Fett is your favorite character from the movie. For some reason, all guys love Boba Fett. I don't know why, they just do.)
Another Star Wars tip I picked up is that being able to perform mind tricks on people is not only cool, it’s an incredibly useful skill. In fact, I’ve been trying to practice my Jedi Mind Trick on George whenever a Zappos box arrives on the doorstep.
“These are not new shoes,” I say to George, fanning my hands in front of his face. "These are old shoes that I've had for a long time."
“What the hell are you doing? And did you really buy more shoes?” he asks.
Clearly, my Jedi Mind Trick needs some more work.
This book was brought to you by Alesia’s new book, written as Alyssa Day, ATLANTIS RISING. Welcome to the dark side!!
Posted by Whitney at 6:00 AM | Comments (10)
Comments
Good points all arond, Whitney. :>P
Keep practicing those Jedi Mind Tricks though. Eventually, either they start working, or the person you're trying them on gets tired of your fingers in his face and just rolls his eyes. Either way, works for me!
And what happened? All I did was get a new laptop and suddenly you guys hate me? I can't comment to anyone's posts with having to be "approved". It's like I'm a newbie here or something. Weird.
Posted by: dee at March 6, 2007 8:49 AM
Zappos!! I love Zappos!! Just got a box with 2 new pairs yesterday! Because I SO needed purple heels and a pair of gold dress heels. hee.
Posted by: Alesia Holliday ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at March 6, 2007 9:51 AM
Whitney - this is brilliant! Especially the Boba Fett thing. Where were you when I was dating? Oh... that's right... at the sorority down the street! Unfair that I didn't know you then!
Dee - sorry about the commenting thing. I've been having trouble, too. We're thinking of options behind the scenes... will let you know what we come up with. #1 involves paper airplanes and FedEx. Will let you know...
Posted by: Lani at March 6, 2007 10:14 AM
What I love is when movies quote movies. Like in Twister, when the one weather chaser dude looks at the big tornado and says, "That's no moon. That's a space station!"
Oh, and the Jedi mind tricks do work. Well kinda. When I do the little hand wavy thing in front of my kids and say, "You will stop fighitng," they're too busy laughing their sick little butts off at me to fight any more.
Posted by: Cate at March 6, 2007 1:14 PM
Had to send this along to my DH, who, of course, loved Boba Fett, and he thought this post was hilarious. He also liked the Jedi Mind Trick/shoes story. Unfortunately that means I can never try that now. :-D
I do however have great luck using the Jedi Mind Trick gesture with paper towel dispensers in public bathrooms.... :-D
Posted by: Rebecca at March 6, 2007 2:20 PM
Thanks, Lani. Glad to know it's not just me. :P
My kids use the Jedi hand thingy at the grocery store, and at the mall, and just about anywhere else that the doors are glass. I think they must be Jedis in training. or something. ;)
Posted by: dee at March 6, 2007 3:58 PM
Ah, the Jedi mind trick just needs a little refinement. See, when presented with a Zappos box you say, "Oh good, Zappos finally sent my replacement pair of shoes after I sent those other ones back. Yay!"
Posted by: RandomRanter at March 6, 2007 4:03 PM
OMG! I do remember "The Goonies" and "The Gremlins." I still a Gizmo doll in my office. *rofl*
I learned from the "St. Elmo's Fire" not to fall in love or have sex with your best friends. And from the "Breakfast Club," that it's not good to piss off the school principal.
Posted by: Tempest Knight at March 6, 2007 10:20 PM
Definitely good lessons. I, for one, learned not to be the slutty girl who sleeps with my boyfriend (not that I had one) because that was a sure-fire indication that I would be the first one killed when the deranged serial killer showed up.
The kidlet has been making noises about Gremlins, after a comment his father made, but I'm not sure he's ready for it at 7. Although it is a good lesson on following those instructions...
Posted by: Dia at March 7, 2007 12:18 PM
Dia, watch out, or he'll want to try putting the cat in the microwave after he sees it. At least, that's what MY boys did. The girls just went all googly over cute lil Gizmo.
And YES, I also learned about the slutty girl=death by serial killer thing. How true!
Posted by: dee at March 8, 2007 3:06 PM
