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April 12, 2007
The Paradox of Perception
Or that's a nice pair you've got
More than once in the past few weeks, the topic of self-perception has come up. At one point, a friend told me she wished I could see myself as others see me. Not more than a few days later, Sissy Two told me she wished she could see herself how I see her.
I wish she could, too.
Julie said that a paradox is a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth. It seems a little absurd to me that we would have to see ourselves with others' eyes to see ourselves honestly. I mean, who looks at me more than me? No one else has to spend two minutes three times a day in front of the bathroom mirrror brushing my teeth and don't even get me started on blow-drying. That's a lot of self-looking just there.
Yet I know for a fact that my sister - who is much better about brushing and flossing than I am and so must spend even more time in front of the mirror than I do - has absolutely no idea of how beautiful she is. In fact, the more she looks at herself, the less she seems to know what she really looks like, but the fact that she doesn't see herself as beautiful expresses a possible truth about how she thinks of herself. Paradoxical, eh?
The discussion I had with my friend had to do with breasts. We run together and her trim lithe little figure is a lot better suited to bouncing up and down the bike paths than my somewhat curvier physique (okay, my whole lot curvier physique) which I see as curse most of the time and she seems to think would be great. Of course, she's never had to strap herself into a running bra (or worse, two running bras at certain times of the month) to avoid giving herself a black eye while running a 5K. I have no idea what that reveals about me. I shudder to think.
So how clearly do you think you see yourself? And precisely what truth do you think that may reveal about you?
This blog was brought to you by The Prada Pardox, Julie’s hip, funny novel about sex, adventure and fashion – not necessarily in that order.
Posted by Eileen at 7:00 AM | Comments (6)
Comments
I’ve always had this (admittedly weird) belief that no one sees me. Not that I’m invisible exactly, but that I can move in and out of public areas, or parties, or what have you, without making much of an impression on anyone . . . to the point that it always shocks me when someone does remember me. I always thought I’d make an excellent spy.
Hey, I said it was weird. But aren’t all writers a little odd? I think it’s a job requirement.
Posted by: Whitney ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at April 12, 2007 9:11 AM
Not weird at all, Whitney, I have the same perception of myself. Totally unremarkable.
Posted by: Jen at April 12, 2007 9:15 AM
Yeah, I've thought about this. Of course it was also colored by my judgment that if no man was interested in me, that I had no value (despite numerous girlfriends' attempts to tell me the contrary). A pretty, damned twisted attitude. It turned out that there was someone out there and I had turned him away when I was 20; now that we are 60, I'm willing to risk. Hell, I want to risk.
So my questions are:
What did my refusal forty years ago do to him?
Do I have any more value -- in my eyes -- now that we are together?
I can't answer the first, but I fear that the second one is 'yes'.
About a running bra: Ugly as all hell, but it really works for extra curvy.
http://www.junonia.com/detail.htm?
sid=110100&tl=1&ldid=18&sdid=33
Posted by: hollygee at April 12, 2007 9:44 AM
People always see me as more confidenct and capable than I actually think I am. But then again, I've always been extremely hard on myself and therefore am always thinking that "I'm not good enough" or "I don't know enough" etc.
And like Whitney, I definitely feel invisible at times especially now that I'm married and have a kid. I'm not someone who always needs to be the center of attention, but my husband and daughter are just so damn cute that everyone seems to look past me to get to them...lol
Oh and Whitney, we writers are "different" I've always known that.
Posted by: Heather at April 12, 2007 11:14 AM
The invisible thing . . . Do you think it's because as writers we are also observers? I've noticed a similar phenomena with a friend who's a psychologist who is also extremely observant and tends to watch social interactions unfold with a different eye than most.
Holly, thanks for the running bra tip. I'll check it out. The problem is that I'm also exceedingly cheap and cringe at the idea of shelling out $30 + for a something that I'm going to sweat on.
Posted by: The LC Eileen at April 12, 2007 11:40 AM
You want a paradox? I'll give you a paradox! I've just lost 60 pounds and have since learned that the bigger I was, the less people saw me. But wait, there's more. I was always VERY self-critical and hated to be photographed because I felt like some rhinoceroid-type creature. Yet, now that I see "before" pictures, I am absolutely amazed because I SWEAR I never saw myself as being THAT fat. I just ran across one today that I'd never seen before. The only reason I knew it was me was because I recognized the outfit and remember the occasion. Oy!
Posted by: Janina at April 15, 2007 10:37 PM
