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April 20, 2007
To have and to hold…
…and to agree to forever share your bed with a ragtag assortment of dogs
Wedding season has officially begun—I’ve received three invitations in the mail this week alone. I love going to weddings, not only because it gives me an excuse to go out and shop for fetching new dresses, but also because I love to celebrate romance and family and friends. And cake.
Anyway, when I did my media tour for Nearlyweds, a lot of interviewers wanted me to dispense sage marital advice. Apparently, because I A) am married and B) have a background in psychology and writing, I am supposed to have some profound and piercing insights into how the hell love works.
(Side note: I recently chatted with a server at the Melting Pot, which is a very popular destination for anniversary dinners. He says he asks everyone who has been married 10+ years what their secret is, and most of them look at each other, laugh, and say, “I have NO idea.” I find this oddly comforting.)
But here is my best shot at words of wisdom for newlyweds:
1. Never go furniture shopping together if you can possibly avoid it.
2. Ladies: Marry a man who genuinely likes women (but not in a skeevy, philandering way.)
3. Never, ever let these words escape your lips: “You know, that’s not the way my mom/dad does that…”
4. Make sure you can at least tolerate—if not enjoy—your spouse’s quirky and expensive obsessions (e.g., fixing up “vintage” golf carts, weekend-long fly fishing trips, Civil War re-enactments, pilgrimages to Star War conventions…what have you.)
5. Try to get some one-on-one time together every day that does not include the TV or Internet, even if it’s just a quick after-dinner walk with the dogs or carpooling on the morning commute.
6. Don’t put too much pressure on yourselves during major holidays. Martha Stewart does not live at your house. Nor does Norman Rockwell. Nor does the advertising team from Hallmark. Sometimes, grilled cheese and a giant glass of wine is an excellent alternative to the perfectly prepared turkey feast with all the trimmings.
In other words: “I have NO idea.” But I’m always open to suggestion. What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever heard?
Posted by Beth at 11:51 PM | Comments (6)
Comments
The best relationship advice I've ever heard? "Love is a choice." From a brilliant, savvy, married-for-over-30 years woman who I want to be when I grow up. :)
I can't emphasize #5 enough. That's super-important, especially when you have kids.
But I love going furniture shopping with my husband (of 22+ years)--it's the only shopping I LIKE doing, and we have very similar tastes. I think that last is the key--don't shop together for things you don't agree on.
Posted by: Darla at April 21, 2007 9:55 AM
My grandmother, who was engaged several times, but married once for 46 years told me to always keep your back to your partner when you are going to roll your eyes.
Posted by: Heather Cook at April 21, 2007 7:45 PM
My advice is to marry someone you can laugh at. With as well, but mainly at.
Posted by: wendy at April 21, 2007 9:05 PM
Heather, your grandmother sounds awesome! I like that one.
Posted by: Laura Fitzgerald ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at April 21, 2007 9:58 PM
One piece of advice I heard was that if you fight, you should never go to bed without making friends.
It seems to work :-)
Posted by: Michelle C at April 22, 2007 11:02 AM
Marry your best friend. That way, when all the fireworks sparks have died down you are still with someone you want to share everything with. Because like you said, love is a choice you make every day. I've been married to my best friend for 19 years and we have been together for 21 years. We may not always agree, but we still love to talk to each other.
I also think that time apart is essential for any good relationship. He has things he likes to do and I have mine and they are not necessarily the same. Having the freedom to do them without the other person feeling obligated to share is a great thing. We do plenty of things together, but sometimes you just need some alone time. Don't begrudge it--embrace it! Especially when you have kids! There is nothing more precious to me than the time between my coming home from work and the kids getting home from school--it's only about an hour and a half a couple of times a week, but on Wednesdays I have five blessed hours of "me" time--hubby is at work, kids are elsewhere for the night. I relax, do stuff for myself, and make a romantic meal for my husband to come home to. He appreciates the extra effort I take, and we enjoy the time to ourselves.
And finally--LISTEN to each other. Really listen to what is behind the words, not just the words themselves.
Posted by: Sheri at April 22, 2007 11:05 AM
