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May 12, 2007
Brainal Abandonment
I'd sue my brain for support, if only I could find the bastard...
Hi! Remember me? My name's Lani, and I used to post here all the time. But then, life got busy. Really busy. And I got forgetful. Really forgetful. And though I could tell you tales of deadlines, proposals, late nights, asthmatic children and hospitals (Sweetness, earlier this week, only in the hospital for one night, she's fine, no worries) what I'd really rather talk about now that I'm finally back with you all is something else. Anything else, really.
Alas, I can't.
Because my brain has left me. Moved on to sunnier climes, I suppose. But in the meantime, here I am with a life to support, and no discernable mental function.
It's a bitch.
I have to tell you, over the years, I've worried about a lot of possible things happening to me. Car wreck. Cancer. Hearing country music and liking it. But never in a million years did I ever suspect that my brain would leave. I mean, I'm not typically one to take these things for granted, but I just didn't think it was possible, attached to my spinal column as it was. I'd always thought it was committed, or at the very least, stuck. It just never occurred to me this would happen.
Of course... there were signs. There always are. The rooms entered only to find, once I'd gotten there, that I'd forgotten what I'd come there for. The late nights, staring at the TV, knowing that I'd just had an idea for... something, or maybe about... something... but I can't remember what it was. The minutes spent, searching desperately for the right work, snapping my fingers, repeating, "you know.. the thingy... the thingy" over and over again, until finally, the elusive word returns and I shout, "Car! That's it! Thank God!" So, yes, there were signs. A wiser woman than me would have seen this coming, but sadly, while my ass is indeed wise, the rest of me is somewhat underperforming in that area.
I was taken by surprise. The end came earlier this week, at the hospital, when countless doctors and nurses would ask me questions about which medications my daughter had been given and when, and I'd stare at them blankly and realize I had no idea. Now, no matter how bad things have been between me and my brain, in a crisis, it has always come through for me. I can usually rattle off a series of medications, dosages, times. This visit, though... I had nothing. My typical answer was, "Isn't that why you guys have charts?" Which, granted, is true. But still, the truth remained - my brain had finally left me.
So now I'm alone, bereft, wondering what I did to drive it away. I was neglectful. I could have eaten more fish, done more crossword puzzles. I took it for granted, relied on it too much. At this moment, I have exactly five books in various stages of existence which I'm working on simultaneously, while running a house, keeping two children alive, and maintaining a blog and a podcast. So, now, in the cold, analytical light of day, I can see how this happened. Still, it doesn't help me now. Now, I have to figure out a way to win her back. I'm thinking Omega-3 tablets. Clearing some projects off my plate. Easing up my schedule. Maybe a spa day. I don't know. If any of you have ever had this problem and managed to woo your brains back, I'm open to...
... to... um... the thingies, the thingies, you know...
...suggestions! Yes! That's it! Thank God.
Okay. Um... where was I?
Posted by Lani at 8:46 AM | Comments (7)
Comments
Gee, Lani, rather than your brain abandoning you, it sounds more like she divided and subdivided like a cell. Each of those factions of your life have a little bit of your brain but finally, the pieces got so small that they didn't have the critical mass to do their job.
Can you put away two or three of the books for a time? I bet that would do it. You've juggled this all before and will again. It's just that stress. It sent a stun gun blast to some of those divided pieces of your brain that paralyzed those pieces. But only temporarily.
You'll be back.
Posted by: hollygee at May 12, 2007 11:31 AM
Thanks, Holly! Actually, it's just that one book needs final tweaks, another's in galleys, another's in proposal stage, another one needs to be proposed soon, and the last one is proposed and sold and needs to be written... and three of the five will be dealt with by next week, so it's really just now. But yeah, this happens whenever I'm working too much, my brain is stuck in the books and I can't deal with everyday life. Bleh. It'll come back, soon, I hope!
Posted by: Lani ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.literarychicks.com/nav-commenters.gif)
at May 12, 2007 12:52 PM
Oh lord, Lani! You are too young for this type of mental deficiency! I have been having issues with this particular problem for years now, and lately it seems to just be getting worse. I actually forgot my SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER yesterday. Really. I heard a guy giving his to his bank over the phone on my bus and so of course I started thinking about mine, and I couldn't remember it. At. All. So let me know how those Omega 3 tablets work for you--inquiring minds need to know. (Because mine can't remember anything else at the moment either!)*snort*
Posted by: Sheri at May 12, 2007 1:39 PM
Don't fret Lani, you will find ways around forgetting words. My husband and I (Yes, Elizabeth 11 is our queen) have developed our own way of speaking around words, i.e using description. A car would be pretending to steer, or saying road, street, bonnet. Yes, it is longer, but it is also less frustrating when you admit brainal loss and go with what you have left.
Recently, after giving someone my phone number, I had to ask my sister whether I had given the right number. That would be the phone number I have recited and written for the last 17 years.
Posted by: wendy at May 12, 2007 8:21 PM
Hope you receive your brain back as a gift for mother's day. Happy mother's day to you and all the other mothers at the LC.
Posted by: Christina at May 13, 2007 10:55 AM
Lani! You're brain is here with me and Whitney here in FLORIDA on vay-cay! We've been body-surfing, doing the sting-ray shuffle, watching the sunsets, and doing bodyshots with the locals at the Crab Shack! After that your brain took a walk romantic along the beach under the moonlight with a blonde surfer dude named Brad (he's 18...he's LEGAL!). Brain said for you to expect the postcard any day! By the way, Jimmy Buffet says hi!
Posted by: Kimberly at May 15, 2007 9:41 AM
I call it input overload; when we've just got so much on our minds. The brain will bounce back. My latest thing is to fill up the dishwasher and walk away without ever turning it on. Mom recently made a full pot of coffee without putting the pot on the burner. Messy. And why did I put the bunch of bananas in freezer? The first time I ever took my newborn baby to the doctor for his visit--I forgot my baby's name! But what's-his-name is growing up just fine! The important stuff always manages to get gone!
Posted by: Kimberly at May 15, 2007 9:57 AM
