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May 29, 2007

Breaking news: Beth Kendrick sews

In a related story : hell freezes over

Here are four little words I never dreamed I’d utter: today I made curtains. With my own little hands. And thread. And a sewing machine. That’s right, chicks—I faced my fear of all things domestic and, after a single sunny afternoon chock full of swearing and sweating, I have a kicky set of red café curtains hung up over the kitchen window.

I owe it all to my inherent cheapness, of course. After perusing stacks of Pottery Barn and Country Curtain catalogs, I came to the realization that I am simply incapable of parting with hundreds of dollars for window treatments. I mean, I need that money for overpriced handbags. Priorities, people.

So I screwed my courage to the sticking point, borrowed a sewing machine from my neighbor, and headed down to the nearby Jo-Ann superstore, which opened over a year ago, and which I have never set foot in until today. My understanding is that they sell fabric and something nebulously referred to as “craft supplies.” (Hopefully, Eileen can explain this to me later.)

Anyway, I perused the bolts of fabric until I found the least expensive red broadcloth they stock. Then I marched right over to the clerk and said, “I need a pattern to make a basic, single-paneled valance, please.” The clerk stared at me for a few seconds, then said, “Okay. Let me explain. You have to pick out the pattern you want and then I can find it for you.” She pointed out the array of pattern books spread across the counter.

“Oh,” I said. “Right. Well…I’m sort of new to this whole sewing thing. Obviously.”

She kept staring at me. “You know, you could save yourself some money and just freehand the valance. They’re easy, you know. All you do is [goes into lengthy and indecipherable explanation of hemming, stitching, and something called ‘ballooning.’]”

I blinked.

“Anyway,” she continued, “You’ll want your fabric to be three times the length of the window. That’s the important thing.”

I kept blinking.

She paused. “Or I suppose you could always pick out a pattern.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking that’d be best for all involved.”

So I went with a Simplicity pattern because, hey, with a name like that, what could go wrong? And then I picked out thread, fired up the sewing machine, and learned a basic law of sewing: always, always wash your fabric before you start stitching. Especially if you’re working with the cheapest red cotton imaginable.

Currently, my hands are pink, my pants are pink, and my front door has pink fingerprints on it that may never wash off, BUT! I made curtains! And they look damn good, if I do say so myself.

Total cost for fabric, curtain road, pattern, and thread: under $20 (I had a 50% off coupon. See: inherent cheapness.) In your FACE, Pottery Barn!

What’s next? Crocheting? Cake decorating? Changing my car’s oil? Stop the madness!

Posted by Beth at 12:58 AM | Comments (5)

Comments

Posted by: Amber at May 29, 2007 9:13 AM

Posted by: The LC Eileen at May 29, 2007 10:56 AM

Posted by: Eileen at May 29, 2007 2:55 PM

Posted by: Whitney at May 29, 2007 3:50 PM

Posted by: Dia at May 29, 2007 9:28 PM