August 29, 2004
From Rotterdam, With Love...
Hello to you all from an Internet cafe Somewhere in Rotterdam :-)
I'm still zonked from the frantic business of the last few weeks planning and then doing the move, so have just dropped by for a quick chat before my brain explodes from either (a) generally being zonked, or (b) hot heat of the day and NO air conditioning.
As I've been doing all this planning and moving, I've kept a little diary of all the ups and downs, but before I start filling you in I just have to add...when Lani and Alesia say that this gal
<--
is really them, well, they're wrong because it's secretly me :-) (in my dreams, anyway!)
Anyhoo, here we go...
* * * * * * *
Diary of a Wacky Writer on the Move
Memorial Day, 2004
Oh Patient One has callously swanned off to Rotterdam and has abandoned me to cope with daunting transatlantic move on my own...
Actually, that's not true at all :-) Oh Patient One is lovely and would never do anything so heartless. Truth is he had to leave to take up his new post, but I am following with The Teenagers after the school year has ended.
As for managing transatlantic move by self, have arranged move on own a few times now so am experienced mover! No problemo. Piece of cake!! But before I plan anything, must finish current book...
Must also clean, clear out house, and catch up on e-mail.
Oh, is back-to-back episodes of Law and Order on TV tonight! Will treat self to little break, ensconce self in front of TV and dial in Chinese food...
Mid June 2004
Michelle's "To Do" list
1. Finish book.
2. Get hidden leak in 2nd floor bathroom fixed.
3. Get collapsed kitchen ceiling (caused by leak) fixed.
4. Clean and clear out house ready for sale.
5. Plan graduation celebration for Teenager #1.
6. Plan move to Europe.
7. Catch up on e-mail.
Yes, you read that right! The kitchen ceiling really did collapse (but only a small area of it) due to a hidden leak in the 10-month-old NEW bathroom we had installed.
Called emergency plumber. No more leaks! Called emergency odd-job man. Ceiling is now (a) fixed and (b) painted. Many dollars and a zinging credit card later...
Graduation celebration for Teenager #1 a complete success!
Book going well and is nearly done!
Hurrah!
Somehow feel that have had fair share of disasters, and that nothing else can possibly go wrong...
* * * * * * *
That's all for now, but I'll be back shortly with more!
Hugs to you all,
Michelle :-)
Posted by Michelle at 9:52 AM | Comments (1)
SkipperSkadder
Lani, writing from the very glamorous closet...
For those of you wondering what's going on with the "virate" part of the triumvirate, Michelle has been "moving house" as the Brits say, from New Jersey to The Netherlands. I secretly believe this is just because she had to steal my "Alaska to New York" thunder, but, whatever. ;) This is to let you know that she has landed safely, and is now in Rotterdam, living in a place I can neither spell nor pronounce. I just call it SkipperSkadder and leave it at that. At any rate, she should be back to share wit, wisdom and Dutch curses pretty soon!
Personally, I'm looking forward to the Dutch curses. Not that I'll be able to spell or pronounce them, but bungling offensive Dutch phrases sounds like about as good a way to piss away a day as any, right?
Things are rocking in the forum! Thanks to all who've been active. If you haven't been to the forums yet, please go. Chat. Buy the Darcy Pillowcase. You know, whatever makes you happy inside.
And if the Darcy Pillowcase doesn't make you happy inside, it'll make me happy inside, and would make a lovely "Just Because" gift. I'm just saying...
Posted by Lani at 7:09 AM | Comments (0)
August 26, 2004
Lani, Lani, Lani & authors for dinner (um, not in the cannibalistic way)
How many times must I tell you? No more borrowing my tank tops and no more pretending you're in my pictures.
Dear Readers: Heard a funny the other day. Someone said, "When I read a good book, it feels as though the author is in the room with me." My friend said: "This is why I don't like to read good books!"
LOL! As much as we read in my house, our living room would be pretty crowded. [Totally unrelated note about authors: my kids were finally impressed with my author status when I was on a TV news show with Sandra Boynton (of "With a quack and a moo and a cockledoodledoo" fame).
She brought her giant stuffed chicken.
I was totally upstaged by a stuffed chicken. It's so easy to be humble in my life.
If you could invite any author to dinner, who would it be? For me, Dave Barry wins, hands down. Oooo, going to rush over to forum and post this, in my quest to avoid the Book That Would Not Die for another five minutes.
hugs,
Alesia, who has the bracelet to prove it's me in the pic
Posted by Alesia at 2:37 PM | Comments (7)
Using the Site
Lani, writing from the very glamorous closet...
Okay. Everybody listen up. This is your Captain speaking. Kinda. Captain Kinda. Something like that. Anyway.
To the left of your screen you see a picture. Alesia Holliday will have you believe it's a picture of her. It's not. It's actually a picture of someone else who will not be named but who is one of the Literary Chicks whose name begins with 'L'. That's all I'm saying.
There are exit rows to the fore and aft of the website, but don't use them. That would hurt our feelings.
To the right of your screen, there are categories. For instance, if you want to catch up on Alesia, you can click on her name, and read all of her posts.
Don't believe that BS about her being the model to the left, though. Seriously.
In the case of a water landing, nothing floats. We're all screwed.
If there is a sudden decrease in cabin pressure, nothing will happen. This is a website, not an airplane. Even I can only extend the metaphor so far.
Oh - one of the categories to the right of the screen, Promotional Goodness, will take you to contests and the like. We give away cool stuff. A lot. Because we're writers and we know what it's like to be broke, so we like to give away stuff when we can because we're not averse to also receiving cool stuff.
Not that that's a hint or anything.
Also, the forum is here for your mingling pleasure. Think of it as a cool party you don't have to dress up for. And it's BYOB, but you're welcome to get chin-dribbling drunk (or, if you're British, pissed) and no one will look at you funny. Really. 'Course, no one will hold your hair while you yark over the toilet, either. Everything's a trade-off.
Oh - and first chapters are up in the forum, too. Very important, those. Up for your reading pleasure, and our shameless self promotion. Everybody plays, everybody wins.
Okay. Think that covers it. Thanks for flying with the Literary Chicks!
Posted by Lani at 9:07 AM | Comments (1)
Mother of the Yeaarrrr
Lani, writing from the very glamorous closet...
Those of you who have sauntered over from my old blog might remember my whole Mother of the Yeaarrrrrr schtick. Well, for those of you who were worried, I'm still Mother of the Yeeeaaarrrrr.
Translation for the newbies: It's a miracle no one has taken my children away.
Case in point. Yesterday. Fish and I decided we were going to be Good Parents, and instead of keeping the children locked in the closet all day like usual (um, I feel compelled to clarify that I'm kidding about the closet thing, lest someone actually come here and try to take my children away) we went to Strong Museum in Rochester. For those of you unfamiliar with Strong Museum, it is to fun activities for children what the Hellmouth was for demons.
For those of you without your Buffy References Translation Guide: It's like Chuck E. Cheese on amphetamines.
I'll just give you a brief rundown of my MotY nomination-worthy experiences yesterday.
1. Promised the kids we'd leave at 9:00 am. Actual departure time: 12n.
2. To save time, I didn't shower, simply put my hair up in a scrunchy and had an imaginary but still powerfully humiliating run-in with Sarah Jessica Parker. (For those of you without your Sex and The City Reference Guide... suffice it to say, scrunchies in public are apparently air-quote bad end air-quote, and thus, the staple of my hair style since having children is now the source of countless hours of indignity and shame. Thanks, SJP!)
3. Ran errands (to bank, to gas station, to grocery store for snacks) with children impatiently screaming "Mooo-zeeee-ummmm" in the back of the car as I yelled at them to be quiet or I'd turn around and go home. (Retrospect - it might not have been a bad idea to have turned around and gone home.)
4. Gave both Sweetness and Light lots of soda (total MotY moment) and a bit of chocolate ice cream. Sweetness went to the bathroom with me at a rest stop. Light asked to go to the bathroom as we were leaving said rest stop. I think to myself, "I brought fresh Pull-Ups. She'll be okay." Those of you who are parents might know where that's going. For those of you who are not parents, I'll just build the tension by moving on.
5. Get stuck not once, but twice, in super-slow construction zone. Curse, then apologize to children. Curse again, apologize to children. Children curse, and I tell them not to use bad language. I am Hypocrisy, hear me roar.
6. Arrive at Mooo-zeeee-ummm to find Light's Pull-Up, jeans and car seat are... well, use your imagination. Yay me - I brought clean Pull-Ups. MotY moment - I failed to bring clean clothes, cleaning supplies, disinfectant/deodorizer, de-humidifier and a hair dryer. Plus, Light has chocolate ice cream stains all down her front, as does Sweetness. Combine this with my unshowered scrunchy look, and we've gone from Nice Family Going Out For The Day to the White Trash Family Trying To Put On a Good Show For the Child Protective Services People.
7. In the History House (or whatever the hell they call it) Light ran off. I chased after her - immediately. Saw her go, off I went. She was nowhere. NO. WHERE. I hailed down a Mooo-zeee-ummm worker and told her my daughter is missing. I gave her description: 2 years old, light brown hair, pink and blue striped shirt. Moo-zeee-ummm worker tried not to roll her eyes at my blind panic, got on the horn and announced a code 66. "Little girl, 2 years old, pink shirt." And I say, "Pink and blue striped shirt." She looked at me, rolled her eyes. "Nice scrunchy." Light showed up two seconds later. Crisis averted. But still.
(Okay. She didn't actually say "Nice scrunchy." That was a projection of my own insecurities both as a mother and a woman. But she didn't correct the description, which pissed me off. Bitch. Points for me: I didn't actually call her a bitch. In front of the children.)
8. On the way home, play the soundtrack from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and allow my children to sing with gusto the I'm free if that bitch dies part because... well... I think it's cute. Hey - there are only so many times you listen to Elmopalooza. And, in my book, there's nothing cuter than hearing a two-year-old sing, I've got a theory... that it's a demon...
Yep. This is my existence. I'm Mother of the Yeeeeaaaarrrrrrr.
With a scrunchy.
:::sigh::::
:) Lani
Posted by Lani at 8:48 AM | Comments (4)
August 25, 2004
No Such Thing As An Original Idea
Lani, writing from the very glamorous closet...
Under today's Interesting Link, I have to submit this. Who knew that origami martini glasses actually existed? And here I thought I was being all original. Pffft.
So far, so great! The site has been officially launched for less than a day, and the forum is already buzzing. Well, starting to buzz. Well, I think there might be a dull hum. I'm just saying buzz, because, you know the origami martini glass came true. So go hit the forum and get the buzz going.
Then, tomorrow, I'll say I'm a millionaire and we'll just see what happens.
:) Lani
Posted by Lani at 8:13 AM | Comments (1)
August 24, 2004
Hello from Alesia!
Late as usual! :) I see that Lani and Michelle have already told you loads about themselves and I'm popping in to say that I promise, promise, Promise to write a long, dishy post as soon as The Book That Would Not Die is done. Monday. Or by Tuesday, at the latest.
No, really. Stop laughing!
The most important fact: Yes, that really IS me in the blue jeans and tank top. Thank you for asking.
[pause for snickering]
So, thank you for stopping by! Check out all of our first chapters on our forum! Tell us about yourselves, please! (We're nosy, of course - we're writers!)
Or visit us at home -- I'm at www.alesiaholliday.com.
See you soon - only 4 chapters to go!
hugs,
Alesia
Posted by Alesia at 10:28 PM | Comments (0)
Triple Crown Giveaway
As a bonus to all our new friends traipsing into the site, we wanted to announce our Triple Crown Giveaway! Has nothing to do with horses, or... technically... crowns, but it does have to do with your chance to win a set of one signed copy each of Alesia's American Idle, Michelle's 32AA, and Lani's Time Off For Good Behavior!
Here's how it goes:
1. Send an e-mail to giveaway@literarychicks.com, with the subject "Triple Crown Entry" and your name, address and phone number in the body of the e-mail, then....
2. Hawkishly monitor the site on Wednesday, September 15th to see if you've won!
See, it's really, really simple. Very easy. Just a few things to keep in mind.
1. One entry per person. That's it. You can send e-mails to us as much as you want, but all duplicates will be deleted. Sorry.
2. Relatives of Lani, Alesia and Michelle are not eligible. (I have to put this in mainly because of Fish.)
3. If you're under 18, get a parent's permission.
4. Method for choosing the winner: All e-mails will be printed, folded origami-style into martini glasses, shoved into a box and strapped to the back of a camel. The camel will then deliver the box to a remote village in Tibet, where a child who is pure of heart will select the winning martini glass/entry and give it back to the camel, who will then return it to us.
Or, you know, some method equally as random.
5. Winner will also be notified via e-mail within 7 days of announcement, but you know, we thought it'd be cool to be all, "Hey, Congratulations YOU!" on the site. It ain't fifteen minutes of fame, but it's all we got.
On a more serious, but still important note, none of your personal information will be saved after this contest is over. All original e-mails will be deleted, and we're planning on taping the box with the origami martini glasses to a bomb and detonating the bomb. We'll get the camel to a safe place, first, though. And also, none of your information will be used for future mailing lists or anything, either. Once this thing is over, we'll be like, "Who are you?" Seriously. But not in a mean, clique-y way...
I'm overexplaining, aren't I? Just rest assured - we hate those bastards, too.
That pretty much covers it! Good luck!
Posted by Lani at 1:36 PM | Comments (4)
Introducing me...by Michelle
Hi Everyone!
You found us early, but early in a great kind of way, and we're so happy that you did! Welcome aboard!
As I type this entry, I am surrounded by last-minute emergency contact papers, must-pay-right-now bills, a swamping flood of "To Do" lists and...an army of ants who have just decided that because I am moving out, they are moving in (I haven't told them yet how much the town taxes are, heh, heh, heh).
I have to admit that I'm a bit stunned by their timing because I cleared out the refrigerator and freezer this morning and there is absolutely NO FOOD, not a crumb, in the house! (Mebbe the ants heard about the new train link from my town to Penn Station--secretly suspect that the ants are yuppie Manhattan-type ants on the move
The reason for the chaos that is currently my life is because I'm slap bang in the middle of The Move from NJ, USA, to Rotterdam. No, not the Rotterdam in New York State but the Rotterdam all the way across the Atlantic Ocean in the Netherlands. I fly later today, so you'll have to forgive me for being the slakker blogger of the three of us, who promises to post a little bit here and there until I reclaim my brain cells and unpack My Entire Life at the other end! Possibly six weeks before my container, containing (because containers are good at containing) my Entire Life. So, thank goodness for all the Rotterdam Internet cafes that I am about to frequent!
Just a teeny bit about me before I pack up my modem (in five hours' time) and climb on the plane (later today)...
Originally from Sheffield in the north of England, I secretly think of myself as a nomad because I seem to wander from place to place! After Sheffield, I spent several formative years in Zambia, Africa, and let me tell you something--I'm definitely not a spider or snake kind of gal! (Or, come to think of it, a crocodile kind of gal, either.)
After a few years in Africa, more years in Sheffield ensued, followed by several years in London, where I worked in a gay bar, developed other peoples' vacation snaps, and generally had a great time being a poor singleton...and then, several years having a great time being a poor married.
And then Oh Patient One (as I fondly refer to my husband) was posted to Rotterdam for the first time, so we moved there for 3 1/2 years, generally had a ball, and then he got posted to New Jersey, USA, so we moved here, too, and after six years of having a ball here, we're now on our way back to Rotterdam again.
Oh Patient One has been mentioning Pune in India quite a lot just recently, too, and how wonderful it is there, and how great it would be to live there...I told him "so long, then" and to write frequently (is unfair to torture me with possible next move while I am currently swamped with this one
In between times we had two children, The Teenagers, who are the most amazing, wonderful, talented...okay, will stop doing the motherly "my kids best in world" thing, now. (But they are
Apart from being a nomad, and combatting ant problems, and falling-down ceilings (more on that later) I usually spend my days attached at the hip to June, my iMac (well, I think June is a nice name for a computer, don't you?) writing wacky chick lit stories for Avon.
Whew.
Inspired by all the crazy, it-could-only-happen-to-me disasters that have befallen me during The Move (like that kitchen ceiling), I will be writing a little column to fill you in on the trials and tribulations of transatlantic house moving. Or, in fact, any kind of house moving. So stay tuned for my "Diary of a Wacky Writer on the Move!"
That's all for now, because I really have to finish the inventory, attempt some slap dash domesticity (i.e. throw disinfectant down the toilets, mop floors) and, um, packing might be a good thing, too.
Hugs, and Tot Ziens (Dutch for Au Revoir)
Michelle
Posted by Michelle at 2:55 AM | Comments (0)
August 20, 2004
Introducing... Lani
Lani, writing from the very glamorous closet...
Okay. The basics on me. As of this writing, I'm 33, with all the cynicism of a fifty-year-old single mom and all the emotional maturity of an 18-year-old boy. Makes life very interesting for my husband and kids.
I grew up in a small town in New York's Hudson Valley. Went to Syracuse University to study television and film because... well, I like TV and movies. After SU, I went to Alaska to hurl fish for a summer because... well, I went to SU. I was broke. And I heard there was a lot of money in fish.
FYI - no real money in fish.
Not for me, anyway. I did, however, meet the man who would become my husband there, so yay me. I'll tell ya, you wanna know if a man really loves you, attract him when you haven't showered and you're covered with lil' bits of fishy. I still have no idea what he was thinking, but hey. Gift horse, mouth, ain't looking.
Then I moved to Tucson. Worked as a convenience store clerk, a nanny, did the cannery thing again (what can I say? I'm not a fast learner) and was a pyrotechnician for a short but glorious stint at Old Tucson Studios. That was possibly the most fun I've ever had professionally, with the exception of the moment a buddy and I escaped into the Mission to have a smoke, only to be notified by the very cranky Pyro Tech In Charge that just behind us was a wheelbarrow filled with 40 pounds of black powder. Bright side, we didn't go boom.
Again, yay for me.
After that, I went back to Syracuse (had a few more pesky credits to finish before technically graduating) and supervised the post-production lab while I got my final credits all sewn up. That was loads of fun. I especially enjoyed the broadcast journalism students, mostly because they identified themselves as BJ students and, well... see above re: emotional maturity of an 18-year-old boy.
Then, back to Tucson to marry my true love, henceforth to be referenced as The Fish Guy, sometimes Fish for short. (I'll be paying for that, I'm sure. "'The Fish Guy?' You can't call me the 'Goes All Night Guy' or the 'Man Who Made My Life Worth Living Guy'?") We have two lovely girls, ages 5 and almost-3 as of this writing, and whom I will refer to, respectively, as Sweetness and Light. Because all mothers, no matter how rotten their children are, always see their most wonderful qualities.
That, and I have a thing for irony.
After producing Sweetness but before having Light, we moved to Alaska. This time, no occupational fish associations. I worked in local TV doing promotions and producing commercials for insane people who somehow managed to get their businesses off the ground, and Fish worked in computers giving technical support to insane people who were incapable of wrapping their minds around the concept of user error. Together we spawned Light (as you know, it takes two) and graduated from fairly competent parents who Only Had One Child to the haggard, exhausted, cranky and sex-deprived dregs of humanity we are today.
While in Alaska, I wrote the original draft of TIME OFF FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR - my October release from Warner - in 25 days as part of the Nanowrimo experience. Nanowrimo = National Novel Writing Month, in which participants have the 30 days of November to write an entire frickin' novel. It's insane, but it worked. Whereas all my previous attempts at fiction died out at Chapter Five, Nano taught me the most essential lession in writing: Even if it's crap, write it anyways. Turns out, you can go back and edit crap, but a blank page will always just be a blank page.
Who knew? I mean, aside from everybody who's not me?
Not long after selling TIME OFF to Warner, Fish, Sweetness, Light and I returned to Syracuse. Many people ask me why Central New York? Didn't I get enough of the snow and ice and general grayness when I was here the first time?
My answer: Apparently not.
So now I'm still waiting for TIME OFF to release, so that I can graduate from this awkward yes-I'm-published-no-you-can't-buy-my-book-yet stage to the full-fledged hey-I'm-published-why-isn't-anyone-buying-my-book stage. We're at about T-minus six weeks as of this writing. If you want to, while you're waiting, you could go buy my book. Because, you know, Sweetness and Light? Not getting any cheaper.
So that pretty much brings you up to date on me. If you've read through this whole thing - hey, good for you. But now you owe me. You know all about me, and I know nothing about you. Totally unfair. So head to the forum, if you would, find the Lani section, and introduce yourself. I'll have Lani's Five Questions (ripped off from Craig Kilborn because I have no shame) posted to get you started talking about yourself, since I know firsthand how painful it can be. But I managed to get all this out, and all you have to do is answer the Five Questions. You're totally getting off easy.
Much love,
Lani
Posted by Lani at 9:53 AM | Comments (0)
