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June 30, 2005
Hey, Bank! Where's My Money?
From Michelle, Relieved in Rotterdam...
So. The Totally Incompetent Company Teenager #1 has been temping with in the UK keeps making mistakes with her wages. When I say mistakes, I mean that TIC keeps forgetting to pay her. And I don't just mean one week's worth, either.
Well, Teenager #1 is due to go to a wedding in America, and guess what? Because she still hasn't been paid (several weeks later), she doesn't have the money to purchase her ticket...
"Don't worry, hon," I told her about a month ago. "We'll lend you the money until this mess is sorted out."
So I sent her a $$ check from my American account for her to deposit in her UK bank account. We didn't envisage a problem, because UK banks deal in $$ all the time, so it should only take about a week/ten days for the money to hit her UK account.
Of course, nothing in this life is ever that simple...
Two weeks later Teenager #1 calls me to tell me that the check shows on her available balance. Success! But there's a snag. Her bank debit card expires before the date she's due to travel and the airline won't accept it.
This expiring card is not a new problem. It is something she has called Totally Incompetant Bank (TIB) about repeatedly and at length, only to be told that her new card is in the mail. Does the Royal Mail really take a month to deliver first class mail these days? I don't think so...
During another repeated and at length conversation with yet another bank officical at TIB, Teenager #1 tells the official why she desperately needs that card, i.e., so she can finally book her ticket to the USA! Well, the official tells her that (a) the card is definitely in the mail, but it won't do her any good because, wait for it...my check is not available to her. Apparently, if the check is over a certain amount (actually, not that much) they have a policy of holding the money for 28 days from the date it is deposited. Unfortunately, the official at TIB couldn't produce a good enough reason for this.
By this stage poor Teenager #1 is a nervous, frustrated wreck.
I checked my online statement, and lo and behold! The check had cleared my account ten days previously. So why was TIB holding onto my money?
Next move from me, now Totally Pissed Off Mother? I got Teenager #1's bank details and called TIB myself.
After being passed around to several different bank officials who all repeated parrot-like that the 28 days was bank policy on checks for more than a certain sum (not very much), blah, blah, blah, and that due to the fact Teenager #1 was a, well, teenager, and not earning a great deal of money, blah, blah, blah, well, it was company policy so it must be right...
Hang on a minute? Were these people really telling me that the reason they wouldn't give my daughter my money was because it was safer in their hands than hers? But I trust her! Besides, if that money was not in my account, which it definitely wasn't, and not in her account, either, which it definitely wasn't, just who was getting the benefit of it? Hmmm. That didn't smell right to me...
So in the end I got transferred to a Very Helpful Person (finally, someone helpful!) in the foreign check department. And then I explained the whole situation over again, and asked her what proof she needed from me to finally. Give. My daughter. My money. And she told me!
I faxed her a copy of the check, a copy of my bank statement, and lo and behold two days later the money was in Teenager #1's account.
And Teenager #1's new bank card arrived the same day!
Whew. She's booked her ticket. She's going to the wedding.
Now, if only we can sort out Totally Incompetent Company so that she can finally. Finally. Get paid. Her wages.
Michelle :-)
PS. A BIG THANK YOU to Very Helpful Person. You were great.
Posted by Michelle at 9:07 AM | Comments (1)
June 29, 2005
Irony, author pictures, and dead, embryonic green birds
Lani, refusing to eat her vegetables...
Okay - couple of things in response to comments on my last few entries before I throw out a plea for help to the general populace.
Thing The First: I was very touched by the sheer number of you (okay... two) who came out in defense of brussels sprouts. (Oh, and I also discovered they are brussels sprouts not brussel sprouts as I said. What can I say? I suck at research.) I also have a horrible confession to make; I've never eaten a brussels sprout. I know. It's horrible to judge a vegetable that looks like a DEAD EMBRYONIC GREEN BIRD before tasting it, but you see... it looks like a DEAD EMBRYONIC GREEN BIRD. I just can't quite get past that.
Thing the Second: Yes, Scott Foley is a hunka burnin' sensitive intelligent lovin', and I now officially have yet another celebrity crush. Which isn't so bad, considering that it's pretty much James Marsters, Colin Firth and now Scott Foley. That's reasonable, right? Oh, and there's one more but... I'm not willing to share that just yet. It's a little silly. And coming from me, that means a lot. But I have mentioned him on the blog before, so feel free to guess... Whoever guesses right gets a free package of brussels sprouts, on me. A special bonus just for Literary Chicks readers. Don't you feel special?
Okay. Now for my pleas...
Plea The First: I'm thinking about updating my author photo. Mostly because my hair is different and I'm no longer wearing lipstick that dark (was that in style then? ever?) and it's another motivation to lose weight. My problem? I like my current author photo, but it's a little trite. Smiling author, wearing a jacket, arms folded. Bleh. However... I can't think of anything I'd like better. I want something that looks more candid, less posed. And yet, I don't want something that looks like it was taken with my home digital camera. So, how do I get a picture that is posed and professionally set up, and yet doesn't look posed and professionally set up? I'm thinking something outside with Gerbera daisies (love the Gerberas!) Anyway, suggestions welcome, and any author photos out there that you think are cute, send the links my way!
Plea The Second: In about a month, I'm doing the literacy signing in Reno with about half a gazillion other authors. I'll be signing both Time Off and Maybe Baby, and... I kinda hate the way I sign. "Happy Reading!" "Enjoy the book!" Bleh. My books are sassy and I want my signing quip to be sassy, too... but not too sassy, because I don't want to write something potentially offensive. Just something... cute. So far, the best I've come up with is "May the bird be with you," on Maybe Baby and that just sucks. So I'm looking for cute one-liners for both Time Off and Maybe Baby. The more the better. I can write entire books, but apparently one-liners elude me. Ah, Irony! Good to see you. How are the kids?
Posted by Lani at 6:00 AM | Comments (7)
June 28, 2005
Winners and books and what do you wish you’d written?
From Alesia, from sunny Florida
Thanks to everybody who wrote to help me celebrate the countdown to my new book! Jennifer Jacula of Alberta Canada and Maureen Emmons (of somewhere in e-mail range) are the two winners of an autographed copy of NICE GIRLS FINISH FIRST.
I’m on a writer’s loop where somebody started the discussion WHICH BOOK DO YOU WISH YOU’D WRITTEN? Lots of people are weighing in on this one, with the answers you might expect: HARRY POTTER (Love the world and the $$$), TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, etc.
But it got me wondering – what book do YOU wish you’d written? For me, there are so many it’s a tough question. I’d love to have created the intense mythology of a series like NARNIA or THE LORD OF THE RINGS. But if I keep my answer to a single book, I might have to pick A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN. It’s one of the first books I ever read that touched me so deeply I said “I want to do that. I want to be a writer.”
So, QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHICH BOOK DO YOU WISH YOU’D WRITTEN AND WHY?
Posted by Alesia at 12:43 PM | Comments (6)
June 27, 2005
Tiaras for Everyone!
From Beverly, June's Guest Literary Chick!
Like Alesia, I also have a July release. It's titled The Tiara Club and I knew, even as I was writing it, that it was going to be a different book for me. For one, the writing just felt different. It was . . . slower, but not in that the pace was slower than any of my previous books. Maybe richer would be a better word. It was like I was there in that make-believe town in Mississippi and could feel the warm fall air on my skin and could smell pecan pies baking. Plus, I was channeling my heroine. By the end of the book, I was drawling (not drooling, mind you) at my computer screen, actually saying the words outloud as my heroine fed them to me. I gotta tell you, this does not happen very often, and when it does, you just thank God or the Muses or whoever it is you pray to that it's happening.
Another thing that was different about Tiara Club was the cast of characters. I knew that the story was going to have to include more than just my usual five or six characters because of the nature of the book. It's a friendship book, but also a book about keeping secrets in a small town. So you get to know everyone: the UPS guy, my heroine's cousins, her best friend from kindergarten, her ex-husband, her mama, and the people who run the local grocery store. Plus the members of the Tiara Club itself!
It was a fun book to write--well, wait. Let me rephrase that. It was a fun book to have written, they are all hard to write. I think it turned out to be a fun read, and the reviewers at Kirkus, Booklist, and RT BOOKclub have agreed!
The following four lucky entrants won copies of The Tiara Club during this month's promotional giveaway at www.literarychicks.com:
Sanjay Srinivas, Flower Mound, TX
Lynn Wood, Auburn, GA
Melissa Lawson, New London, CT
Kim Westgaard, Crystal Lake, IL
Congratulations to the winners! And my thanks to Alesia, Lani, and Michelle for having me as their guest Chick this month.
Beverly
P.S.--If you want to know more about The Tiara Club, here's a little blurb:
The Tiara Club, formed by best friends Georgia and Callie after a night of too many martinis, consists of five veteran beauty queens who have survived the pageant circuit. The women grew up together and have been there for each other through weddings, divorces, funerals, and a good portion of The Bartender's Black Book.
Now they've decided to broaden their scope, and allow a Yankee to become part of the Tiara Club. In fact, the ladies are prepping this virgin to the beauty pageant scene to become the new Shrimp Queen. With Callie's impending marriage on the horizon, the Tiara Club has to rely on their friendship to get them through planning the wedding, turning a Yankee into a Southern Beauty queen, and keeping Georgia's big secret from her controlling, gossip-queen mother.
For an excerpt of The Tiara Club, visit my website at www.beverlybrandt.com.
Posted by at 1:52 PM | Comments (2)
June 25, 2005
Smoothaise
From Lani, smooth in Syracuse...
I was in Alaska from 1999 to 2004. There was no WB in Alaska. There were rumors of a cable-only station in Wasilla, but I never saw any evidence of it. So, since moving to NY last year, I've been searching out the big WB shows on DVD and on television reruns. Buffy. Gilmore girls. Angel.
And now... Felicity.
Now, Felicity - for those of you still in Alaska - is basically the story of a young girl who goes to college in New York and cannot make up her friggin' mind. She left California to follow a guy she had a crush on to college in New York. This is Ben. While in New York, she meets a cute RA who is quite the hot studly fellow in an intelligent-sensitive sort of way. This is Noel. For those of you who haven't seen the show, let me summarize for you.
"Noel. Ben. Noel. Ben. Noel. Ben. I can't make up my friggin' mind."
There. I just saved you a whole lot of time. You can thank me later.
And yet... I am addicted. I can't stop watching. Part of it is because I'd very much like to hit Felicity with the very large IT'S NOEL YOU IDIOT NOEL NOEL NOEL stick. But mostly, I gotta say... it's the smoothaise.
What's the smoothaise, you say? Well, there's a secondary character named Sean, played by the adorable Greg Grunberg, who spends at least the first two seasons - possibly longer, I've only seen the first two seasons, but I suspect the second two will be more "Noel. Ben. Noel. Ben. Noel. Ben," crap - trying to get a condiment he invented off the ground. Said condiment is somewhat Thousand-Island-looking, and everyone who tries it spends a comical moment trying to cover up their horrified expression with a pained, "Mmmmm."
It's basically the inside joke that won't die. The guy never moves forward. Always with the smoothaise.
And yet... I still watch. Because part of me wants to see him get the big development deal, or whatever condiment people get. Part of me wants that satisfaction of seeing dogged determination succeed despite all evidence to the contrary, just because it was dogged. Because, I gotta tell you, it's not unlike writing a book. You're in the book, and you're sure it sucks, but you've cashed the check/made the commitment and you have to do this. You have to make it work. And then, suddenly, despite the fact that you're sure that this will be the career-ending book... it comes together. It's...
... smoothaise. You know, metaphorically speaking.
If you've seen all the seasons of Felicity and know that Sean doesn't succeed in the world of condiments, don't tell me. I've got just enough reruns left to last me through to my deadline, and I need the hope.
But seriously. IT'S NOEL. Someone get me a stick.
Posted by Lani at 8:06 AM | Comments (2)
June 24, 2005
Books, books, books!!! And white sand!
From Alesia, from sunny Florida
Even though it’s my sixth book in print, I am sitting here looking at the beautiful copies I just received of NICE GIRLS FINISH FIRST in awe. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the sheer amazement that a story I dreamed up and worked hard to put on paper is turned into an actual book. It’s like my dream comes true all over again, every single time it happens.
Navy Guy just called with the news that he has to go to a conference in beautiful Pensacola, Florida for 4 days and we’re invited along. So I have to pack up the beach gear and hit the road for white sand beaches!! (Nice way to celebrate new books, hmm?) So, in order to SHARE THE JOY of my next book being officially released in only eleven days, I’m giving away two of my precious author copies to my wonderful Literary Chicks readers!! Please e-mail me at
alesia@alesiaholliday.com with COUNTDOWN in the subject line, and I’ll add you to my private members-only mailing list and put you in the random drawing for a book. (Please don’t send your snail mail addy unless I notify you that you’ve won.) I’ll announce the winners here on Tuesday in my regularly scheduled blog. Same bat time, same . . . well, you know the rest.
Hugs and happy weekend,
Alesia
Posted by Alesia at 1:56 PM | Comments (1)
June 23, 2005
Ein Bier, Bitte!
From Michelle, Roasting in Rotterdam...
So. Last weekend I went to Hamburg for a minibreak with Oh Patient One and Teenager #2.
"That's sounds fabulous," I hear you all cry, and, indeed, it was. Hamburg is a gorgeously pretty city with beautiful lakes and canals and wonderful architechture, and wonderful, friendly people. We had a blast! Really, it was completely "fantastisch."
"But what went wrong?" I hear you all cry again, "because we already know that you are jinxed when it comes to transport, and there is always a story to tell."
Who, me? Jinxed? The trip was fabulous, I tell you, fabulous!
Um. Owkey, so mebbe there were one or two teeny little glitches...
Glitch #1
The reason we were going to Hamburg in the first place was because Oh Patient One and Partner (that would be me) were invited by his company to attend another ship launch, this time in Hamburg, and as the launch was due to take place on a Friday we thought we'd make a weekend of it. And also take Teenager #2 with us, because it would be a great experience for him.
I got out my German dictionary and began to brush up a bit...
Four days before we were due to go, Oh Patient One got a phone call. He had to attend an unexpected but important meeting in Copenhagen. He simply couldn't miss it. So we wouldn't be able to attend the boat launch, because the meeting was on the Friday of the launch.
"No problem," I told him, just a bit disappointed--because I don't get many opportunities to dress up in a posh frock. But still, we had the whole weekend away. Teenager #2 and I would meet him at the hotel in Hamburg on Friday evening. Whew. That was the glitch out of the way. What else could go wrong? Well...
Glitch #2
A general transport strike was planned for the Friday, which meant no trains in the Netherlands would be running, which meant taking a cab from Rotterdam to Amsterdam's Schiphol airport. This is quite a distance, and the fare is somewhere in the region of $150. Trust me, I know this because on one of my trips back from America there was another transport strike and I had to get a cab home.
Fortunately, Oh Patient One's nice colleague was also on the same flight as me (he was, of course, off to the ship launch) so we arranged to share the cab.
Friday morning, Nice Colleage arrived bang on time. We'd left plenty of time for the cab ride due to the additional congestion on the roads because of the transport strike. He's great company, and the journey whizzed by. We arrived at Schiphol in plenty of time. Yay! And then...
Glitch #3
When it was our turn to check in for the flight, the airline assistant (after chatting with her colleague for ten minutes) calmly informed me that Teenager #2 and I were on standby.
"Standby? Standby? What does that actually mean?" I ask her, confused. Because these tickets had been booked by Oh Patient One's company, so why would there be a problem?
"It means that the flight is over sold and you have to wait until everyone else has checked in before we can tell you if you have seats on the flight," she says. And then, "We always over sell the flights because we like to torture our passengers, mwahahahahaha."
No, she didn't really say that last part but I felt like she really wanted to, because the whole time she was telling me that Teenager #2 and I might not have seats she was smiling. What was there to smile about?
"But. But. Nobody said anything about standby when the tickets were booked," I tell her. "And what do you mean, the flight is over sold? Why would you do such a dumbass thing as to over sell the seats on the bloody plane? Can't you people count?"
No, I didn't really say that last part, becuse that would be rude, but I really felt like it because of that evil smile on her face.
"You are on standby," she repeats, coldly. "Go to the gate and the assistants there will tell you if you can take the flight or not."
"This is ridiculous," Nice Colleague says. "These people are travelling with me." He flashes his frequent flyer platinum card. "My company will hear of this," he warns, because apart from being Nice Colleague, he is also a company Big Wig.
"I'm sorry, sir," she tells him respectfully, "the booking system has nothing to do with us."
Where was my respect? Why wasn't she sorry to me? Grrr...
"You know, Michelle," Nice Colleague says to me. "This service has gone downhill since This Airline was taken over by Another Airline 2 weeks ago. They have a new policy. Despite the fact that all the city hopper planes have only one class, money-grabbing Another Airline has decided that the first five or six rows in each plane should be reserved for Business Class and they sell them at a much higher cost. So they deliberately over sell the plebian seats, just in case they can't fill the expensive Business Class seats, which by the way are just the same seats as everyone else's, and if you are one of the unlucky plebians they can stick you on standby."
"But, that's outrageous!" I splutter. By now, as you can imagine, I am not a happy traveller. "How come they can sell seats they've already sold?"
"I'm sorry, sir," the assitant reiterates to Nice Colleague, "the booking system has nothing to do with us."
"Another Airline simply doesn't care about the plebs. They'll probably throw in some kind of incentive for the inconvenience."
"I'm sorry, sir," the assistant tells him regretfully yet again, "the booking system has nothing to do with us."
Why isn't the bloody woman apologizing to me? I'm the one on standby.
"Come on," Nice Colleague adds, "we'll sort this out at the gate. You and Teenager #2 are Definitely Getting On That Plane. In the meantime, let's hit the Frequent Flyer VIP lounge for breakfast and coffee--I can take in 2 guests."
Oh, I've never been in a VIP lounge before...you know what this means? Free coffee. Free deluxe breakfast!
When we arrive at the VIP lounge, Nice Colleague flashes his platinum card at the assistant.
"I'm sorry, sir," she barks at him, not sounding sorry at all as she shakes her head. "The rules have changed. You can only take in one guest."
I should have known that there is no such thing as a free deluxe breakfast...
"See what I mean about the standards dropping?" Nice Colleague says to me. And then, to the rude assistant, "When did this new rule come into being?"
"Two weeks ago, when..."
"Another Airline took over This Airline," Nice Colleague finishes for her. He is really not happy about all these changing standards, and I don't blame him.
So we go elsewhere for coffee, and then onwards to the gate.
When we arrive at the gate, I present our boarding passes to one of the assistants and politely explain the situation to her.
"This lady and her son are travelling with me," Nice Colleague adds, flashing his frequent flyer platinum card again.
"You have to wait until the flight is closed," she tells us, coldly.
"This is ridiculous," he says. "My company uses this airline a lot, and make no mistake, this incident will be reported."
Another more mature assistant intervenes. "Please let me have your boarding cards and I will see what I can do," she says, smiling at me. "I'm so sorry for the inconvenience."
Finally! Someone is talking to me!
So we got seats on the plane. But there were an awful lot more pissed off people at that gate who didn't get seats on the plane...
And then we had a wonderful weekend, and we all lived happily ever after! Until the journey home...
Glitch #4
So we got a cab from the hotel to the airport and then...we got stuck in traffic.
"I'm sorry," the cab driver tells us. "Today is the beginning of the cycling season and fifteen thousand cyclists are having a convention in Hamburg."
I should have bloody known that something else would go wrong.
But in the end we got to the airport in time for the city hopper plane. And guess what? No standby nonsense this time. There was just time for me to pop to the ladies' bathroom before we boarded. And then...
Glitch #5
So in the ladies' bathroom the faucets are sensory operated. You know, you wave your hands underneath and out comes the water. Well, I waved my hands underneath and out came the water. I lathered up and washed my face, too, because we were in the middle of a heatwave. So then I wave my hands under the faucet again so I can rinse off all the suds and...five mintues later I am still waving my hands under the bloody faucet. In the end I grab some paper towels and wipe off the suds...
We get on the plane (me with a sticky face and sticky hands), it leaves on time, we arrive back in Schiphol about 45 minutes later. I wait for the baggage while Oh Patient One gets train tickets from the ticket machine. Success! Our bags are among the first on the conveyer belt, so we head to train station in the airport and...
Glitch #6
There has been a massive power failure on the Dutch rail network and there are absolutely no trains going anywhere.
So we head to the taxi cab rank, and get in line with the five billion (seemed like) other people also waiting for cabs...
It may take me a month to recover :-)
Michelle
Posted by Michelle at 9:06 AM | Comments (2)
June 22, 2005
20 Things
From Lani, counting down...
20 Things I Don't Get
20. 1001 Elephant Jokes: I guess they're supposed to get funnier as you go. It's supposed to be an accumulated funny. So I'm told.
19. Brussel Sprouts: I don't care if it tastes good. If a vegetable looks like a dead bird embryo painted green, don't eat it.
18. Thong underwear: I understand the panty-line thing, but I don't get paying for a wedgie.
17. Tofurkey: Why Tofu up the healthiest meat on the planet? Seems a little overboard to me. Tofu Philly Cheese Steaks, on the other hand... now we're talking.
16. Bungee jumping: I hear it's an adrenaline thing. Looks like a soil-my-underwear thing.
15. Bungee jumping while wearing a thong: See above. Use imagination. Ew.
14. Every Adam Sandler movie except the ones with Drew Barrymore. Oh, and Happy Gilmore: It still cracks me up when the old Asian lady comes out wearing his hockey jersey: "What you no want breakfast?"
13. Bodybuilders: God bless 'em, they're really fit. Scary, but really fit.
12. Veronica Mars: Everyone loves it. I watch it all the time, trying to figure out why. And I'll watch it again next year. Because everyone loves it, and I'm determined to get it. But I don't.
11. People who saw Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones and still waited on line all day for Star Wars III: I hear III is good, but after the evisceral badness that was AotC, I think you have to wait for DVD just on principle alone.
10. The way potato chips have that "0 Trans Fat!" thing on every bag now: As though, suddenly, this makes them healthy. They're still loaded up the butt with kill-ya-dead levels of saturated fat and sodium. I'm thinking, people who are terribly concerned about that kind of thing are off in the Tofurkey aisle, people.
9. Prescriptions that clear up nail fungus... but cause diarrhea, dry mouth, heart arrythmia, abdominal pain, liver disease, butt tumors and hysterical blindness.
8. $400 dollar shoes: I'll tie rope around your feet and give you debilitating friction sores for half that.
7. Strangers who tell you about their entire medical history while on line at the grocery store: However, they do make me feel better about my own remedial social skills. You know, if we're grading on a curve, they kinda bump me up a bit.
6. Lane and Zack on Gilmore girls: Let's see. She's brilliant, motivated, gorgeous and funny. He says "dude." A lot. 'Nuff said.
5. Tom Cruise: Is it just me, or is he kinda going Michael Jackson? With the crazy, not with the molesting little boys. I hope.
4. Why I will tear the room apart searching for the remote control... rather than take three steps across the room to change the channel.
3. Quantum Physics: Okay. So maybe I'm not alone on that one.
2. Directions on shampoo: If you need to be told to lather, rinse and repeat, maybe you shouldn't oughta be showering without, you know, supervision.
1. People who fill their blogs with lists: I mean, really. Who cares? ;)
Posted by Lani at 2:36 PM | Comments (4)
June 21, 2005
Jury duty
From Alesia, from sunny Florida
So Navy Guy got called for jury duty and had to report Monday. He grumbled about it a bit but I, as a person who has worked with many, many juries in my trial lawyer days, made “civic responsibility” noises and he cheered right up.
Of course they picked him. Which means that every day I get to hear a layman’s critique on the entire system of justice.
It makes me a teensy bit cranky.
Now, as a taxpayer, I could, conceivably, go to his Naval Air Station and find things to criticize. Just, you know, maybe a few dozen off the top of my head. In fact, as I pack up my house for yet ANOTHER FREAKING HOUSEHOLD MOVE TO YET ANOTHER FREAKING STATE – the FOURTH IN NINE YEARS – I can think of a few things to criticize without even leaving the privacy of my own living room.
But I usually let it go. I mean, after all, HIS job. So, the part of me that wants to hear his opinion of our judicial system/trial lawyers/uncomfortable courtroom seating/cranky bailiffs?
Not so much.
Tonight I escaped the minute he came home and went to the mall to write. (Coincidentally, I’m working on my first legal thriller, BLONDES HAVE MORE FELONS.) Then I went to see THE PERFECT MAN. Yes, as you may have guessed from the title, it was fiction.
Alesia, cranky amidst the packing boxes
Posted by Alesia at 10:16 PM | Comments (0)
June 20, 2005
If It's Monday, I Must Be In Naples...
From Beverly, June's Guest Literary Chick!
I spent the day on a yacht in Naples (Florida, not Italy) today. Not really, of course. Just in my head. The book I'm working on now is set in Naples, and I did that so I could visit the city--one of my favorite places in Florida--and still be able to say I was working. Of the six releases I have this year between me and my alter ego, Jacey Ford (yes, that's me, too), three of them are set in Naples. I'm glad I did this because I've been juggling writing the stories, doing promotion for all my releases, and dealing with copyedits and final read-throughs that crop up whenever I least expect them.
Let me tell you, all of this activity can make for one dizzy writer.
So far this year, I've been dealing with stories set in San Antonio and the eastern coast of Australia (I Spy, Jacey Ford), the Gulf coast of Mississippi (The Tiara Club, Beverly Brandt), an imaginary island in the Caribbean ("Painkillers" in the Kick Ass anthology, Jacey Ford), and then--YAY!!--three stories set in Naples (Match Game, Beverly Brandt; Dead Head, Jacey Ford; and "Nothing But the Truth" in The Naked Truth Anthology, Beverly Brandt). As you can see, on top of not always being sure where I am, I've got to contend with figuring out who I am as well! All I can say is, it's been an interesting year so far.
Beverly
Posted by at 6:03 PM | Comments (2)
June 17, 2005
Roller coasters and spoiled food
From Alesia, refrigerator-less
I’ve had one of those “Good news, Bad news” kind of weeks. The ones where you feel like your eyeballs are going to burst from the sheer velocity of the ups and downs. A lot of it has to do with the limbo/uncertainty of any Navy move. We now know what date our furniture is being packed out, but still don’t have an actual HOUSE to move into in Norfolk.
Right. I’m so not kidding.
In other excitement, Navy Guy took a couple of days off so we could do vacation-y things, to have fun with the kidlets and celebrate my book being done. Naturally, sometime while we were gone the first day, the refrigerator died. As we spent an hour or two throwing out everything in the fridge and freezer the next morning, I received one of the best reviews I’ve ever had for my July book, NICE GIRLS FINISH FIRST! (This, as you can imagine, helped the pain of tossing a couple of hundred dollars’ worth of food!). Next, I found out that AMERICAN IDLE won an award! Finally, I had a chat with my darling editor, who told me that she loved my novella! By that time, I was humming while I tossed potentially death-dealing mayonnaise and possibly salmonella-breeding yogurt.
Then fridge repair dude called to say he couldn’t get here until Friday. Minor setback; get a cooler and ice, right? Then I find out my hideously ugly car needs some work. No problem. These things happen. BECAUSE, that very day, a reader -- the lovely Kathryn K. in DC -- wrote to me to tell me that, when she was recommending AMERICAN IDLE to a colleague, she decided she had to read it again, and IT KEPT HER AWAKE SO LATE that night that SHE OVERSLEPT AND WAS LATE TO WORK THE NEXT MORNING!!!! This is the most amazing compliment you can give a writer, in my opinion -- that the book made you lose sleep. But on the second reading? I have framed this letter and will look at it whenever I'm on the bottom swing of the roller coaster - wondering if I were completely insane to give up practicing law to do this author thing.
The moral of my story: Spoiled food is no problem when you’re on the top of the roller coaster. And, hey! Who needs a refrigerator?? I don’t even have a HOUSE TO PUT IT IN!!!
Hugs,
Alesia, the refrigerator-less and soon to be homeless but award-winning author :)
Posted by Alesia at 10:55 AM | Comments (0)
June 16, 2005
Hamburgers!
From Michelle, Cooked Rare in Rotterdam...
A short one from me today, because tomorrow I am going to be a Hamburger. I kid you not.
I will be surrounded by Hamburgers for the whole weekend, whether rare, medium or well done. I will not be able to walk even a yard without encountering a whole city of diversely cooked Hamburgers.
What does she mean, I hear you cry. Is she going to a costumed hamburger conference, or something? Has she finally gone mad (what do you mean, finally?)
No...(although that's debateable)
I'm going to Hamburg in Germany! With Oh Patient One and Teenager #2.
People there really are called Hamburgers. I know that "the hamburger" that we so love to eat (which is usually made of beef--hello?) has something to do with Hamburg itself, but I can't recollect what, except that it is do do with that beef thing we eat originating from Hamburg, or something, and if you know the truth feel free to share it! Don't be shy, now...
So, I have to pack and print e-tickets and such, but...the first fly in the ointment of our trip...
We are flying from Amsterdam's Schiphol airport tomorrow morning. It is about 45 minutes from Rotterdam to Schiphol, but despite our car-less state this is not usually a problem on account of the fantastic public transport links.
However, on this occasion it is a problem because:
(a) The #3 tram is still undergoing transformation oh so many months later, and is still not operational.
And even worse:
(b) A general transport strike has been scheduled for tomorrow, of course, just like when I came back from America last October.
I forsee a $150 taxi fare in our tomorrow-morning future...
Back Sunday with the scoop about being a Hamburger.
Michelle, off to torture the poor Hamburgers with her terrible, mostly forgotten German. Oh, but I can say "Ein bier, bitte!" Ah, best to get the important stuff sorted out :-)
Posted by Michelle at 1:12 PM | Comments (0)
June 15, 2005
How do you say **** in Swedish?
From Lani, ja...
We're gonna find out, because Time Off For Good Behavior is going to be published in Sweden! Wahoo, yay! I really didn't think, with all the bad language and pop culture references, that Time Off would ever end up being printed outside of America, but apparently, there's some Lani joy happening in Sweden. Will let be sure to scan the cover the moment I get it.
In other news...
... I had another Big Spaz moment when I saw Maybe Baby at my local Wegmans! Yahoo! Wegmans doesn't carry a lot of books, and they don't know I'm local, and, sure, they probably stock all the Warner Forever titles, but still. I went out for Cheerios and I saw my book! Luckily, it was early enough in the morning that my gasping, laughing, and jumping up and down was witnessed by no one but me and the personnel watching the security cameras.
Also, I got some bad news from my doctor last week. I apparently have the cholesterol levels of a 65 year old smoking male with an IV feeding pureed cheeseburgers directly into his veins.
Okay. Maybe it's not quite that bad, but still. Pffft. Well, better to find out now than during the autopsy, right? Anyway, it means I really have to get serious about my diet and exercise, blah blah blah. Good news - I started doing that anyway a few weeks back (so there, doc) so the adjustments are basically to keep on keeping on. And a little more fish.
Bonus, they recommend a glass of wine a day! I have to say, if ever there was a medical condition made for me, this is it. Say a prayer for my liver, ba-doo-boom-chaaaaaa.
I'm here all week, folks. Be sure to tip your waitresses...
Posted by Lani at 2:40 PM | Comments (1)
June 13, 2005
Why is Writing So Damn Hard?
From Beverly, June's Guest Literary Chick, aka Deadline Avoider!
So many writers will say that they don't love writing, but they love having written. I am one of those people. I love, love, love having books on the bookstore shelves. I love plotting my books before writing them. I love thinking up characters and doing research. I don't even mind doing revisions. But I don't like writing. Writing is hard, and, because I'm hopelessly late on yet another deadline (I wasn't always this way--I used to be early--but I got behind on one deadline last year and I've spent the last seven months desperately trying to get caught up), I was banging my head on the wall this evening and wondering why, why, why does it have to be this hard?!
Well, I think I found the answer.
It's hard because while you're writing, you are living two different lives at the same time. While I'm sitting here in my chair, thinking about how my ass hurts from sitting here in my chair for so many hours on end (see, I really AM trying to get caught up!), petting my cat when she wanders in, mentally making a grocery list for dinner tonight, answering questions for the guy who's come to paint our dock, gathering info for the bookmarks I need to get designed, etc, etc., I am also in this other world, trying to figure out how to pull off a 3-proposal Marry-Me Marathon on Valentine's Day without a hitch. Why? Because that's my heroine's job in the novella I'm writing right now (a novella which, coincidentally, is in THE NAKED TRUTH, with your very own Alesia Holliday this October).
The thing is, in my own life, I don't have to think about why I feel the way I feel about something or decide how to react to an event. I feel and act automatically, because I have lived my life and do what I do because that's how I do it. Make sense? :)
But when you're in that "other" life, thinking and acting and feeling on behalf of your characters, you have to stop and ask yourself, "What would
It's fascinating work. It's fun in the brainstorming phase. I can't wait to actually see the book on the shelves. But I sure as hell wish it were easier!
Beverly
Posted by at 8:50 PM | Comments (1)
June 12, 2005
Nasty Reviews, Gods Among Men, Birthdays and Nekkid Bike Riding!
From Michelle, Rambling Again in Rotterdam...
So, it's been an interesting few days...
On the life-throwing-you-lemons side, it featured a nasty newspaper review of a new chick lit novel. It was reviewed by a Woman Literary Author. We're all entitled to our opinions, and it's a fact that not all of us will like all books. But how sad that once again we have a chick lit book being dissed simply because of its genre.
My response: Postive Action, baby, because as you know, I'm all about making lemonade. I just ordered a copy of that dissed-only-because-it-is-chick-lit book :-)
Also on the positive side, yesterday one of my gods among men was awarded the Order of the British Empire (OBE) from Queen Elizabeth as part of her birthday honors list (for services to music and to charity!).
Guess who? It was...
Jimmy Page!
Go Jimmy! Apart from being a fab songwriter and fab guitar player, he is also a fab kind of guy (not that I've ever met him, or anything, but I was once in the same room as him, therefore breathed the same air), and to find out more about what makes him such a fab guy, check this out.
Queen Elizabeth
Dear your Royal Majesty,
Thank you so much for awarding Jimmy the OBE. It was a wise and gracious thing to do.
Additionally, would you please consider Robert Plant, John Paul Jones and John Bonham (posthumously) for honors next time around, because they are also truly gods among men? I bet you love them, too. Come on, admit it. Led Zeppelin rock!
Please also consider granting everyone in your kingdom two birthdays per year, just like yourself, because it would be lovely to (a) have two parties per year, (b) get presents twice a year, and (c) get cake twice a year.
Sincerely...
See, Queen Elizabeth has two birthdays each year. It's absolutely true!
Her real birthday is in April, but her "official" birthday is always a Saturday in June, on account of the chances of the weather being better for an outdoor celebration in June. It is also the day that she honors worthy men and women with knighthoods, OBEs and such, and also honors the services, which includes a huge ceremony in Horse Guards Parade called Trooping the Colour.
I just love the pomp and ceremony of it all! Click here to see some pics of yesterdays grand affair.
In other news...Nekkid Bike Riders
Over a hundred naked cyclists--yes, naked cyclists, took to the streets of London, yesterday, to protest about how much oil we use, and how we should cut down on our reliance on cars.
I think they have a point, but can you imagine riding a bike naked? Euck, I think it might be a bit painful for some very sensitive body parts...
The cyclists' route included Oxford Street, Picadilly Circus, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament. Only problem--everyone was at Horse Guards Parade for Trooping the Colour!
That's all for now!
Michelle xx
PS. In case you were curious, that chick lit book I just ordered is The Wonder Spot by Melissa Bank.
Posted by Michelle at 8:24 AM | Comments (1)
June 10, 2005
Insonmia
From Alesia, sleepy
I’ve always wondered what it is that allows some people to sleep whenever they put their heads down. Like Navy Guy, although I know that he was trained by time on submarines – sort of: Sleep or else; or Darling Son, who has an internal clock that tells him “8:30, Sleep Now.
Which he does.
Wherever we happen to be.
I’ve also gone to conferences with roommates who can just say, “Oh, it’s late. I’m going to sleep.” [Sound familiar, Lani?? LOL!]
And – how weird is this? They actually DO.
Not me.
I’ve always suffered from hideous insomnia. Usually a good twenty nights a month, I’m lucky to sleep for 4 hours. Total, not necessarily in a row. This leaves me wondering what I could have accomplished in life if I’d ever been, you know, actually RESTED.
Last night’s bout of insomnia had me thinking about the crazy nastiness that self-proclaimed literary authors have been tossing the way of chick lit authors. Also, about crazy deadlines and travel schedules. Even about how lucky I am – somehow, with the reissue of American Idle and a couple of anthologies, I have six books coming out this year!! How did THAT happen? It’s one of those “Dreams really DO come true” golly gee moments.
Maybe tonight I’ll focus on the good stuff and actually sleep . . . and if not, there’s always the joy of pharmaceuticals. QUESTION OF THE DAY: Do any of you have insomnia? If so, how do you deal with it? Any tips for a fellow sufferer??
hugs,
Alesia, off to make more coffee. Really STRONG coffee
Posted by Alesia at 5:51 PM | Comments (5)
June 9, 2005
Brainfried!
From Michelle, Rambling in Rotterdam...
They say that fact is stranger than fiction, but is it true?
And what about those garden gnomes?
My August 2005 book, Confessions of a Serial Dater, is out there for review and whatnot at the moment. And I've had a few questions about quirky things in my books, so here are a few fun FAQ's and stuff in general:
Q. Is it true about the stolen garden gnomes in Confessions?
A. Absolutely! Would I lie to you?
Q. And what about the sex-starved mussels in Call Waiting?
A. Also true...but be assured, the freshwater mussels are getting some therapy...
Q: In Confessions, Rosie's grandmother is embroiled in a love triangle. Has your grandmother ever been embroiled in a love triangle?
A. Absolutely not.
Q. Can you cycle without hands yet, like everyone else in the Netherlands?
A. Um, no. But today, as I was cycling along, I did see a guy doing this. In one hand he was chatting on his cell phone, and in his other hand was...a can of beer!
Michelle:-)
Posted by Michelle at 1:10 PM | Comments (0)
June 8, 2005
June's Promotional Goodness!
Are you sensing a pattern here? Every month, a new Guest Literary Chick. Every month, a new giveaway.
Yes, we admit it.
We've developed a habit.
But, before you gather together to do an intervention, be sure to support your own habit by sending in an e-mail to win one of four glorious signed copies of Beverly's fantastic new release The Tiara Club! The winners will be announced in Beverly's farewell blog on Monday, June 27th! To enter, just send an e-mail with your NAME and ADDRESS to giveaway@literarychicks.com and you'll be entered to win! Then don't forget to check back on Monday, June 27th to see if you've won!
And now... The Rules.
(Which are not to be confused with that really dumb book that gave you rules on how to snag a man. That was just stupid. These rules? Actually kinda useful.)
One entry per person. Send in as many as you like, but only one will count. So save yourself the effort and me the headache, and only send your e-mail in once.
Really. Just the one time will do.
Relatives of any Literary Chick, guest or otherwise, are not eligible. So far, this hasn't been an issue, but it needs to be said nevertheless because... you know. Blah blah legalities blah.
If you're under 18, get a parent's permission. Please. Our karma's bad enough without us dragging the next generation down with us into the pit of fun and debauchery.
All entries received between today and Saturday, June 25th at midnight the sender's time will be eligible. Is that confusing? Okay. Let's say, it's Saturday, June 25th at 11:59pm your time. SEND THE E-MAIL! NOW! IN A MINUTE IT'LL BE TOO LATE!
Clearer?
Method for choosing the winner:
This is always my favorite part.
Each entry, upon receipt, will be assigned to a task around my house. You know. Making the coffee. Taking out the garbage. Making the bed. Etc. I will be monitoring Fish, who has no knowledge of this method, to see which - if any - tasks he completes on his own, with no prodding from me. Whatever four tasks he completes in the course of the month will select the corresponding winners. Should he not complete four tasks, then every entry will be assigned an excuse, and the first four he uses will be our winners.
Or, you know, some method equally as random.
Winners will be notified via e-mail within 7 days of announcement, but you know, we thought it'd be cool to be all, "Hey, Congratulations YOU!" on the site. It ain't fifteen minutes of fame, but it's all we got.
On a more serious, but still important note, none of your personal information will be saved after this contest is over. We won't be sharing it with anyone, we won't be using it for any purpose other than sending the winners their loot. Once this thing is over, we'll be like, "Who are you?" Seriously. But not in a mean, clique-y way.
Good luck!
Posted by Lani at 7:49 AM | Comments (0)
June 7, 2005
So I never learned to swim until I was 23 . . .
From Alesia, drenched with chlorine
It didn’t seem urgent, and my parents were not the ‘sign the kids up for lessons’ type of parents. (For anything, actually, so I can’t play tennis, ride a horse, dance the ballet, or anything else of any discernible talent, but that’s another story, like me taking flute lessons when I was 28 years old. Pitiful (my flute playing, not my childhood). Just pitiful.
But, when the pilot said strap in for emergency landing, except we were somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, not a scrap of land in sight, and way, WAY far from La Guadeloupe, our scheduled destination, all that ran through my mind was: We’re going to crash land at sea, and I can’t swim.
Now. I know. You’re saying: She’s an idiot – she’d be dead way before she’d have to swim. But my mind didn’t let me think that way. So, after the emergency landing (we did make it San Juan) and then finally arriving in La Guadeloupe a dozen or so hours late, the first thing I told my then-boyfriend was: You have to teach me how to swim.
He tried, but without fins and a snorkel (which I ADORE), I pretty much am a drown-quality swimmer.
So, naturally, I thought it might be a good idea for my kids to learn to swim while they’re still young. Today we went to the pool and had a fabulous time, and I signed them up for beginner lessons. Maybe I’ll be able to pick up a few tips, but I TOTALLY look dorky in those water wings.
hugs,
Alesia, smelling of chlorine
Posted by Alesia at 4:10 PM | Comments (0)
June 6, 2005
Blame It On The Farmers
From Beverly, June's Guest Literary Chick!
OK, I'll admit it--I'm a recovering workaholic. I used to get to the office at 9 a.m. and never left before seven, always carrying my laptop so I could work until at least midnight. But when I first started writing, I noticed a change in myself. I tried to treat it like a real job, but once I tasted that freedom, my inner workaholic was smothered by my inner lazy evil twin. And the worst thing about being your own boss is that you can't fire yourself. Without that threat looming over my head, I find myself falling into an entirely different sort of routine, one that includes sleeping in, wasting time on non-essential tasks, and spending the day reading on the couch when I really should be working.
Tto be fair, even with this schedule, I have managed to write six novels and two novellas in the past 26 months. So why am I so hard on myself? I'll tell you why. It's those $%^*(!# farmers. They're the ones to blame for this mentality that, in order to be considered a good worker, one must rise with the freaking chickens and go to sleep the minute darkness falls.
Well, I for one am rebelling against this attitude. I'm not milking cattle or irrigating crops here. I'm making up worlds and people in my head, and this doesn't have to happen during the hours of 7 a.m.-5 p.m. So from now on, I am embracing my inner sloth! Perhaps I should form a club of sorts? Our motto could be, "Sleep Late or Die!" Our logo, a picture of a farmer on a tractor inside a red circle with a diagonal line slashed through it. Not that I have anything against farmers, mind you. I just resent that their internal body clocks allow them to spring up out of bed and get to work while I'm groggily complaining that I just got to sleep and it can't be time to wake up yet.
And on that note, I must go. You see, my writing day does have a routine. It just starts at 1 p.m. rather than 5 a.m. Only, I feel myself getting sleepy. Maybe I'll go take a little nap first . . .
Beverly
P.S.--Thank you to the Literary Chicks for asking me to be the guest blogger in June! I'll be giving away four copies of The Tiara Club, my July release, at the end of the month.
Posted by at 12:21 PM | Comments (8)
June 5, 2005
Shopping!
From Michelle, bargainless in Rotterdam...
I haven't really done any clothes shopping since we moved here because, apart from the fact that I miss the designer outlets and designer bargains at, well, really bargain prices, I've just been too busy. But yesterday the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and I decided it was time to indulge myself in a bit of long-denied retail therapy...
So I went into a well-known international chain store because I generally like the clothes in this particular store, whether it be in London, Manhattan or Rotterdam, so could practically guarantee success!
This is what happened...
I spend a lovely thirty or forty minutes browsing the entire floor and I love everything! I choose six great tops to try on. They really are bargains. Yes! I am now happily on my way to shopping paradise!
So I line up for another thirty minutes for the changing rooms, but I don't mind the wait because I just know that it is going to be worth it.
Finally, when my turn comes, the two assistants are too busy having a chat to bother with - you know - customers. Now I understand why the line is so long.
At last, one of them deigns to check how many items I have and grants me admittance to the changing room (after having practically frisked me to establish that I really only have six items).
I try on all of the tops and - joy of joys - two of them are absolutely perfect. Perfect! This is going really well!
As I leave the changing room I wait while the two assistants chat some more and ignore the customers.
Finally, Assistant #1 counts my items, takes my ticket off me, and then starts chatting again to Assistant #2.
"Um, excuse me," I say.
"What?" Assistant #1 says, just a bit rudely.
"Could you please tell me where I put these?" I ask, holding out the four tops I don't want.
"What do you mean?" Assistant #2 demands, also a bit rudely.
"The items that I don't want to purchase," I tell her, still smiling (even though I am getting to the teeth grinding stage). "I just want these two, but not these four others. Where do I put them?"
They look at each in a this-customer-is-obviously-an-idiot kind of way, and I'm really getting heated, now. I mean, wouldn't you?
"You have to put them back in the store where you found them," Assistant #1 tells me, as if speaking to a six-year-old child. And then they ignore me again.
What? I have to put them back, myself? Gah! I can't bloody remember where I got them all from. It's a huge store with a lot of stock, and all of the tops came from different rails in different areas.
Oh the stress, the stress...
So guess what happened next?
I hung up all six tops on the nearest rail and walked out of the store.
Michelle, exasperated :-)
Posted by Michelle at 12:02 PM | Comments (2)
June 4, 2005
The countdown is on!
From Alesia, in rainy Florida
How did that happen? I looked up and suddenly it’s only ONE MONTH until the release of my second chick lit novel, NICE GIRLS FINISH FIRST!!! It’s getting lots of rave reviews over at Barnesandnoble.com, which makes me super happy. So, in honor of the nailbiting of the final few weeks, I’m giving away ARCs (Advance of Release Copies; or Advance Reader Copies, depending on who you ask) to three lucky winners. So if you like light, funny chick lit with an edge of poignancy, shoot me an e-mail at alesia@alesiaholliday.com with ARC in the subject line. The first three lucky winners will win an ARC and be added to my private, members-only e-newsletter list.
I’d love to write more, but am frantically on deadline for my next book, so can’t breathe until Monday. Happy weekend, everyone!
hugs,
Alesia
Posted by Alesia at 6:58 PM | Comments (0)
Amen
From Lani, feeling a little evangelistic...
You might not know it to look at me, but I come from a long line of preachers. My grandpa was a preacher. My father was a preacher. My mother wasn't, but only because she was raised by one preacher and married another. There's only so much one girl can take.
Me, typically, not so much. I generally feel, with limited exceptions, that the vast majority of people out there are doing a pretty good job steering their own ships and don't need my input. Unless they're getting in my way, it's really none of my business.
However, in recent months, I've had a few experiences that have been really good for me, and I have this deep desire to share these discoveries with you. So, if you're a terrible cook, having trouble managing your kids, or looking to expand your horizons in the literary sense, keep reading.
First. The cooking.
I am, and have always been, a terrible cook. I once - I kid you not - started a kitchen fire boiling water.
Boiling.
Water.
So it is with no small amount of pride that I tell you that now... I can cook. I can cook real good. And it all came from TV.
Yes. TV. The devil box which, in some opinions, is universally responsible for the downfall of humankind. Without it, specifically Food TV, my kids would still be eating Mc Crap for dinner every night. But not anymore. Here's how I did it.
I started watching two programs: Rachael Ray's 30-Minute-Meals and Good Eats; the first for recipes and how-to, the second for general education on everything I never understood about food, which was... everything. I told myself I was not going to cook anything. I was just going to watch. And watch I did. I watched for about a month. Then I tried a recipe, and not only was it tasty, but I didn't set anything on fire making it. These are two big steps for me. Huge, in fact. So then, a week later, I tried another recipe. Lo and behold, it was also good.
Now, I actually have a repertoire. Me. Okay, that doesn't sound shocking if you don't know me, but really, it's a big deal. So if you're struggling with the fact that you hate cooking, and yet are swamped in the bad-nutrition-Mommy-guilt-shame-spiral, give Food TV a chance. I'm telling you. Change. Your. Life.
Second. The kids.
I am not typically a big fan of parenting "How To"'s. For one, they tend to be trendy. Two, they tend to be preachy. And three, they tend to be useless. Which is why, despite the fact that my mother-in-law recommended this book to me ages ago, I resisted it until I was so desperate for SOMETHING to happen to keep my kids from making me COMPLETELY INSANE that I ordered it off of Amazon.
I got one word for you. Miracle. I mean, my kids are still rotten and I'm still insane, but to a much lesser degree now. I can actually see a marked difference in their behavior and my response.
Couple of caveats: The book was written in 1964 and as such much of the advice is slightly out-dated and some of it could land you in jail (such as when he recommends that if your kid slaps or bites you, slap or bite him right back, or if your three-year-old can't behave in the store, leave her in the car while you shop.) But still, tossing out the bathwater and keeping the baby, this is still by far the best ten bucks I've ever spent on parenting, with the exception of that little swing that kept the babies nice and quiet when they were infants.
Ahhh. I loved that swing.
Third. Expanding horizons.
I'm not typically a space-book kinda gal. I don't really get into fantasy/sci-fi/paranormal. It's just not my speed. That said, three of my top ten TV shows of all time are Whedon shows (as in Joss Whedon, as in Buffy) and The X-Files also makes the list. I loved The Lord of the Rings, and I've enjoyed the occasional foray into paranormal stories, but typically... not my speed. Not that there isn't great stuff out there in the genre, I'm just saying on a typical day, I'm a romantic comedy girl.
Well, that was before I read CJ Barry. If you haven't read CJ Barry, you must. She's amazing. I just finished the amazing Unraveled, and I have to say, it's adventurous, well-plotted, high-flying space fun.
And the romance? Is incredible. Reads this satisfying on both a plot and emotional level are rare. So even if this kind of thing isn't your speed, just go out and get one CJ Barry and let me know what you think. I expect a couple of converts.
And here endeth the preaching. Amen.
Posted by Lani at 5:34 PM | Comments (1)
June 2, 2005
More Red Tape!
From Michelle, yet again battling Red Tape in Rotterdam...
Before I tell you my latest little tale of red-tape disaster, here's an exciting (well to me, at any rate) little secret...the first chapter of my August book, Confessions of a Serial Dater, just went up on my website, here... Plus, I have a brand new contest here...
So back to the red tape...
Oh Patient One and I had to get a document notarized for Teenager #1's American college application. It's just one of those things you have to do when you are the parent of an overseas student.
But oh, no, we thought! Did this mean another trip to the American Embassy in Amsterdam? Because last time we went, this happened...
And then I had An Idea!
So I called the American college (after 3pm in the afternoon my time, because we're six hours ahead of New Jersey) and imagine my delight when the very nice administrator confirmed that the document could be notarized by a Dutch official.
Yay! Surely that meant we could get it done here in Rotterdam!
So while Oh Patient One was away with work in Spain or Germany or France or somewhere else in Europe, off I went to the Town Hall to check that we could do this. I got in line with the fifty billion other people there, and finally, when I got to the front and explained what I needed to the nice receptionist, and she called her supervisor to double check, the answer was yes!
Yay again!
So a few days later, when Oh Patient One returned, off we went to the Town Hall...
Oh, how naive were we to expect that it would be so easy? This is what happened next...
After another five billion hours standing in line at the Town Hall, we reach the front and explain to a different receptionist what we need.
Receptionist: "You cannot do this here. You need to go to the court."
Me: "But. But. I dropped in last week and your colleague told me we could do it here."
Receptionist: "She lied. Mwahahahaha. It's just a little joke we like to play on the hapless public."
No, the receptionist didn't actually say that, but let's just say that it became evident very quickly that we were not going to get anywhere.
Oh Patient One, in a very calm, laid-back kind of way: "Could you please tell us where we should go?"
So after the receptionist gave us the address (a metro ride under the river to the south island), and a telephone number, we took the precaution of calling the court to ensure that we had been given the right advice.
"Oh, yes," the nice lady on the other end of the phone tells me. "We can witness and stamp your document. No problem."
Yay!
So we catch the metro, find the court building, find the right department and...
Court Official: "I'm sorry, but before the court can verify your paperwork you need to get this signed by a Notary Public."
What?
Are you still with me, people? No, we didn't understand why we had to get the document witnessed by two separate official people, either, but there you go...
Us: "But. But. When we called, you told us we could just come right on over."
Court Official: "We lied. It's just a little joke we like to play on the hapless public. Mwahahahaha."
No, the court official didn't really say that. This is what really happened.
Court Official: "There is a Notary Public not very far away from here, would you like his address and phone number? Then you can get your document notarized and bring it back here for authorization."
Us: "Yes, please!" Because at this point we don't even want to know why we need two official signatures, we just want to get the document signed so we can go home.
So then we called the Notary Public's office just to double check that we had the right information. By now it is just after one in the afternoon.
Oh Patient One (on the phone): "Hi, we need to get a document notarized and we're in the area right now. Can you help us?"
Receptionist: "That's fine. We can do it for you."
Oh Patient One (grinning to me as he speaks): "Fantastic. Can you please give us directions?"
Within ten minutes we arrive at the office.
Oh Patient One: "Hi, I called you a few minutes ago. We're here to get this document notarized."
Receptionist: "Oh, yes. But the Notary is at lunch and won't be back until after two. I didn't tell you that when we spoke on the phone just now because I thought it would be fun to mess with your minds. It's just a little joke I like to play on the hapless public. Mwahahahaha."
No, she didn't really say that last bit.
But by this point getting the bloody document witnessed by whomever has to witness the bloody thing has become Our Mission In Life, and we are not going home until we have Overcome All Obstacles.
So, we went off for a coffee, got totally ignored by the waiter and ended up not getting coffee, and then after two we went back to the Notary's office, got the document signed, went back to the court and got it witnessed, then came home.
It had taken nearly four hours to get this done. It would have been quicker to go to Amsterdam, and at least the intercity service has coffee...
Michelle :-)
Posted by Michelle at 8:49 AM | Comments (2)
June 1, 2005
Houston, We Have Comments...
After wrassling Movable Type through various layers of hell, I have finally emerged triumphant! Comments are working, I repeat, comments are working.
Just wanted you to know...
Posted by Lani at 9:40 AM | Comments (2)
With a Capital T...
From Lani, with the pasty white techie skin...
First, a thousand pardons for the commenting thing. I'm working on it. I really, really, really am. Right now, you can comment, but it'll have to come to me for approval until I get it working. And even then, you'll show up as "Anonymous" despite having signed in with Typekey. Again, this is why I warn all of you to NEVER LEARN MORE ABOUT COMPUTERS THAN HOW TO TURN THEM ON AND HOW TO SCREAM FOR HELP.
When it comes to computers, it turns out, ignorance? Actually is bliss. Who knew?
In other news...
... Maybe Baby officially released yesterday! And again, with the anticlimax, as people have been picking it up at Walmart since last week.
But I don't care. I have a book, it's out there. The reviews are good. My youngest child - Light, the three year old, the one who gets up every morning at 5:30 - is still sleeping at 8:14. My oldest child, Sweetness, the 6-year-old, is parked in front of the television. I'm Thankful. With a capital T.
And also... fighting the Mommy guilt. See, if they wake me up and crawl all over me all morning, I'm cranky because... well, obviously. If they don't, if they leave me alone, it's guilt-time. So basically, no matter what happens, I lose, but only because of my brain and the way it works.
Somehow, that's not comforting.
Anyway, I've got a book to write and children to actually care for (I know she's gonna wake up any second now that I've told you she's sleeping, it's like some weird anti-Mommy Mojo) and you all have your things to do, but I did want to tease you to say that we have another Guest Literary Chick coming in on Monday (and she SO ROCKS, you guys are gonna LOVE HER) and, of course, that means ANOTHER giveaway (yahooooo!).
And while we're at it, how about a shout-out to Alesia, Michelle and me for choosing some of the coolest Guest LCs on the planet? I mean, didn't Stephanie Lehmann, Beth Kendrick and Marianne Mancusi rock? And we're lining 'em up into 2006, babies.
So go ahead. Comment away! And be sure to put your name in your comment because, you know, anonymous. Meanwhile it'll be me beating my head against this brick wall to make it work again.
But it will work. Oh, it will work, my pretties. Just you wait.
Posted by Lani at 7:49 AM | Comments (8)
