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January 31, 2007
Introducing Margo Candela!
Ta da!!!!!
It is my great pleasure to introduce the absolutely scrumptious Margo Candela to the L.C. as our February Guest Chick! Chicklets, Margo. Margo, chicklets.
There. I feel much better now. I've been thinking about that all week. It's good to get it off my chest.
I met Margo at a meeting of Bay Area Chick Lit Writers a couple of years ago. I haven't been able to attend any more meetings, but this lovely group of writers let's me stay in touch via their e-mail loop so I got to hear about it when Margo made her first sale and got her first reviews and all the other lovely firsts that go with that first book which, in Margo's case, is titled Underneath It All or, as it is known in my house, The Book that Ate My Weekend.
I wasn't all that surprised to find that Underneath It All was one of those books that you couldn't put down once you'd picked it up. Nor was I all that surprised to find that it made me do that same snorting dirty laugh that Margo's e-mails often bring about. Plus, it's not everybody that Publisher's Weekly calls "an engaging writer." On the down side, I am feeling really self-conscious about my forearm hair, but what would life be without something to worry about?
If you want to find out exactly how completely engaging Underneath It All is, you can rush right out and buy it or you can send us an e-mail with Under Where? in the subject line to win one of the FIVE copies that the very generous Margo is going to be giving away to lucky L.C. readers.
So welcome to the L.C., Margo! I know it's going to be a great month.
Posted by Eileen at 7:00 AM | Comments (10)
January 30, 2007
LC author news!!!
Oh, boy, is it going to be a hot couple of months here at the LC!!! Here's what our authors are up to:
Beth is thrilled that NEARLYWEDS has been on the Bookscan bestseller list for FOUR STRAIGHT WEEKS!! Woo-hoo, Beth!! And her new young adult book, BOY TROUBLE, will be out in March!! Maybe most exciting of all, Roxie hasn't eaten any other electronic equipment . . .
Whitney is finally coming back into the world of air and sunshine, after surviving revisions for MOMMY TRACKED, her new women's fiction book that will be out this fall!!
Alesia is anxiously awaiting the March 6th release of ATLANTIS RISING, and watching her video book trailer whenever she wants to bite her fingernails. Romantic Times BOOKreviews called ATLANTIS RISING "inventive and electrivying. An exhilarating new series!"
Lani is also one of our March 6th release authors here at the LC!! THE FORTUNE QUILT is amazing - Publishers Weekly said the book was vibrant and intelligent!! She'll be at Nora Roberts’s bookstore in Boonsboro, MD for a signing on March 3rd, so make the trip!
Michelle is wrapping up revisions on her first young adult book, and we can't wait to see the cover!! Stay tuned for news of her new book, her new pen name, and her new venture into the exciting world of teen fiction!
Eileen says: "UN-VEILED comes out in June and I'm working on revisions of that. The only other thing I can think of is that I'm all excited about being part of a fundraiser for the Sacramento Public Library on Saturday. It's called Authors on the Move and is like a big progressive dinner. The keynote speaker is Dave Eggers who I think is pretty much the bomb and I'm psyched to be invited to the same thing as him!
Stay tuned for news of our exciting guest lineup! And may your February be fabulous!!
hugs,
The LC
Posted by Alesia at 12:00 PM | Comments (0)
January 27, 2007
Crime and punishment
and iPods
Big news at Chez Kendrick: last week, our very own Roxie Hart passed the evaluation test for the Delta Society and is now a certified therapy dog! She and I had been prepping for months with refresher obedience classes but I was not at all sure how she’d perform during the actual test—in addition to following basic commands like “down” and “stay”, dogs are required to ignore tempting distractions like treats and other dogs, and frankly, laser-like focus has never been her strong suit.
But she pulled it together for the big day (after a five-mile hike to get her good and tired) and she passed! I was SO proud. I felt like my kid had just graduated from Harvard and cured cancer. “Clearly, Roxie is a genius,” I told Mr. Tall. “She is the best dog in the entire world.”
And then, the very next day, while I was at the grocery store, the world’s best dog chewed up my iPod Shuffle and disgorged the fragmented remains all over the kitchen floor.
It’s my own fault, really: I should have known better than to leave my iPod within counter-surfing reach after what she did to my books.
We are no longer cavalierly throwing around the term “genius” at Chez Kendrick.
Anyway, I use my Shuffle every time I work out, so I had to get a replacement ASAP. For my health, you understand. The price of a new iPod would be my own personal Stupid Tax, which all of us end up paying at one time or another.
That’s when I discovered that Apple has come out with a whole new line of iPods, and they are even smaller than the old versions. My old shuffle was the size of a pack of gum. The new Shuffle resembles a postage stamp.
This is unacceptable to me.
Besides the obvious fact that the new iPod is a major dog choking hazard, I am worried I am going to put the new one through the wash and/or lose it entirely under the piles of crap in my office. When it comes to technology, WHY does smaller = better? I don’t want a cell phone the size of a business card. I don’t want a camera the size of a paper clip. I don’t want a TV with the width of a single strand of hair. I’m clumsy, dammit—I need my expensive electronic gadgets to have a little heft.
So I went on Amazon and bought one of the few remaining “old” Shuffles. Stuck in the Stone Age and proud of it!
And, you know, maybe Roxie is a genius. An evil genius.
Now it’s your turn to brag about the people (or animals) in your life. Kids, friends, significant others, heck, even yourself! Don’t hold back—wow us!
Posted by Beth at 11:02 PM | Comments (6)
Top Five
Because five is the number of the day.
In a nod to Nick Hornby, I proclaim that today is Top Five Day at the L.C.
So, without further adieu, here are my Top Five lists:
Top Five Songs To Listen To While Running
1. Bizarre Love Triangle, New Order
2. A Little Less Conversation, Elvis Presley
3. Break My Stride, Matthew Wilder
4. Ray of Light, Madonna
5. Oh, Carolina, Shaggy
Top Five CD’s To Play While Writing
1. Pride & Prejudice Soundtrack
2. Time Out, The Dave Brubeck Quartet
3. and 4. The Most Relaxing Classical Album in the World (Discs One and Two)
5. Kind of Blue, Miles Davis
Top Five Songs I Never Want To Hear Again
1. It’s a Small World
2. The Chicken Dance
3. The Macarena
4. What’s The Name of this Song?
5. My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion
Five Most Recent Songs I’ve Downloaded from I-Tunes
1. Friday I’m In Love, The Cure
2. Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
3. Ain’t No Sunshine, Bill Withers
4. One Night In Bangkok, Murray Head
5. Synchronicity 2, The Police
Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves . . . or come up with your own Top Five List, and post it below!
Posted by Whitney at 6:00 AM | Comments (8)
January 26, 2007
It's all in the jeans
Is that my ass or two bulldogs fighting in a denim sack?
I went jean shopping this week. I will pause here for a moment while many of you join me in a shudder of horror. Just a shudder though. It's not worthy of a spasm of revulsion like bathing suit shopping might be. Yet, it can still be mightily demoralizing.
I hate jean shopping. It makes me crazy. Nothing fits me. Nothing looks good. They're expensive as hell. Plus, I'm convinced the jean manufacturers are out to torture me.
Could we all agree on some kind of standard sizing? One second I'm rejoicing because I can button and zip size A in one style and the next I'm plunged into deep depression because size B (which would be at least one bigger than A) in the other style cannot be coaxed over my thighs.
Then there's the dizzying cornucopia of options. At the waist, just below the waist, low, super low, so low you'll have to shave your private party bits to wear these. Short, average, tall. Boot cut, flare, straight leg. It's worse than helping my mother order at the Olive Garden.
I'm pretty sure I remember the only options being button-fly or zipper. Although don't get me wrong, I'm glad jeans have changed since then. I personally think whoever thought about putting a little bit of spandex in the denim should win the Nobel Prize. Or maybe be sainted. I can see it now:
"Who's that in that painting, Mommy?"
"That's St. Elastica, honey, the patron saint of the bootylicious."
I did finally find a pair that doesn't give me a muffin top, show my socks or give me a wedgie (front or back), but not without at least one slightly weepy phone call to my sister and a major dip in self esteem.
Posted by Eileen at 7:00 AM | Comments (13)
January 25, 2007
Gratitude
The new me - grateful
It's week four of the new me campaign (oh, and I lost another 3.6 pounds last week, are we all keeping up with our healthy goals?), and this week I'm focusing on gratitude. Or, at least, I'm trying to focus on gratitude. It's not all that easy. I'm more of a "walk around worrying about the meteorite which might crash down RIGHT ON MY HEAD AT ANY MOMENT" than a live in the moment and be grateful kind of gal. And Navy Guy has been doing the Navy out to sea thing, and my beloved grandmother left us and went to heaven to run the senior citizens' center up there on the 14th, which buckled me at the knees.
But I'm trying.
So I asked for help from somebody who is an utter CHAMP at living in the moment: Princess. She turned 7 TODAY!!
So, fresh from the birthday girl's brain, here are our reasons to be thankful today:
1. Our dogs don't smell too much, because they just had a bath.
2. Birthday cake.
3. No school tomorrow.
4. It snowed for almost five minutes today (which is only the second time Princess has ever seen snow).
5. Dancing.
6. Birthday presents.
7. Flowers
8. My brother wasn't too annoying today.
9. Birthday cake.
10. Life is more fun than it was when I was only a little kid. Yesterday.
So there you have it!! The secret to gratitude is simple pleasures, like hugs and dancing and flowers - and BIRTHDAY CAKE! - and to have low expectations. Was someone "not too annoying" to you today? Share!! Tell us a few reasons you're grateful today.
hugs,
Alesia and Princess
Posted by Alesia at 8:48 PM | Comments (4)
January 24, 2007
Tongue Blands!
Yes, it’s that time of year, again.
That time when I am revisiting one of my love-to-hate topics. That good old bad old phenomenon that is Spam (but oh so early in the year, I hear you all cry? What can I say? I'm jaded).
Instead of ruthlessly clicking the “empty” option on my bulk mail today, I decided to take a peek at my Spam. Is it my just imagination, or do they not try very hard anymore? I mean, they just sound too ludicrous to even bother reading (I didn’t get that far – if they can’t think up a good name and subject, why should I read them?)
Anyhoo, here are a few favorites. And my comments, of course…
From: ..Skinny
Subject: Get pre-qualified
Dear ..Skinny,
I worry about your health, I really do. Please, for your own sake, go eat something and pre-qualify for a healthy weight. And by the way, what’s the .. all about?
From: Tongue
Subject: Blands
Dear Tongue,
Oh, dear. Blands? I’m sure that you are a lovely person. Your girlfriend is obviously telling you this because she doesn’t want to date you anymore. My best wishes for putting her behind you and getting on with your life.
From: Culture J. Sucinctly
Subject:
Dear Culture J. Sucinctly,
Two suggestions. Please use a subject heading, because if you don’t I immediately assume that you are spamming me. Also, it’s only courteous to spell correctly when spamming someone (hint, it’s succinctly – use spellcheck next time).
From: Brain
Subject: Re:. Possible Meet.ing
Dear Brain,
I’m s.o sor.ry abo.ut yo.ur nam.e. It mu.st cau.se y.ou a lo.t o.f embarras.sment. Regarding our possible meeting - Do I know you?
From: Bulb F. Pausing
Subject: A maximilian at aural
Dear Bulb. F. Pausing,
I am sorry that you have A maximilian whispering in your ear. Tell him/her to stop right now!
So, anyone out there got any good stuff to share? Like Bulb. F. Pausing, I'm all ears...
Posted by Michelle at 2:33 PM | Comments (7)
January 23, 2007
The Big Breakup
This is the stuff from which country music songs are made...
All right. It's been a shaky week here at Casa de Fish, and I have to tell you, I'm a little wary to talk about it. But now that the dust has settled, I feel it's time to let you know that I got dumped.
By my garbage company.
Oh. Heh. You didn't think I meant me and Fish, did you?
Anyway, this week I went out to get the mail, and there was this thin, windowless letter from my garbage company, and I felt the tremors beneath my feet. When big companies send you windowless letters, you know it's personal. All the standard stuff comes with windows.
When it's windowless, it's bad.
So, I ripped it open, wondering what I had done. Yeah, I hadn't paid the bill technically the moment I got it, but it wasn't overdue. I thought. Where had I put it, anyway?
Maybe the guys had complained because, despite the fact that Thursday morning happens on a fairly predictable schedule, Fish always seems to forget. Which is beyond me. I mean, even a broken clock is right twice a day. You'd think eventually, sometime, just from pure chance, he'd know what day it was.
I opened the letter with shaky hands and read. Then I called the number at the bottom of the page, and this is pretty much, word-for-word, kinda what transpired:
LADY: Garbage Haulers R Us? How can I help you?
ME: Yeah. I just got this letter.
LADY: (under her breath) Oh, no.
ME: And I was wondering... was it something I did?
LADY: (pause) Um, no. Actually, due to financial considerations, we've had to restrict our routes to a smaller geographical area so some of our customers, unfortunately, um--
ME: It's okay. It's best to just rip off the band-aid.
LADY: Are getting dumped.
ME: No pun intended.
LADY: Oh, no, of course no--
ME: So, what are you saying here? It's not me, it's you?
LADY: (pause) Um, well...
ME: I mean, this is the first Dear John letter I've ever gotten from a garbage hauler. I'm just not sure how to feel about this.
LADY:
ME: So I was wondering if you knew of any good, solid, dependable garbage haulers in my area I might be able to rebound on? You know, just to get me through the really dark days?
LADY: Oh. Sure. You bet.
ME: I'm just really surprised, you know? I mean, I knew we were having problems. but I thought we could work them out.
LADY: It's really not you.
ME: I was going to set up a reminder on my husband's PDA that beeped really loud at five a.m. on Thursdays and set it by his head while he was sleeping.
LADY: You didn't do anything wrong. Really. It's us. We just weren't ready to commit to your area. We were neglected when we were tiny, tiny babies, and we tend to overcompensate by taking on too much too fast.
ME: Oh. Well. Maybe you should start seeing a therapist.
LADY: We're planning to address that in the second quarter.
ME: Okay. Well. I guess this is it, then.
LADY: Yeah.
ME: Take care of yourself. And, you know, if you ever want to try something a little less intense. Maybe just drop by, say hello, pick up the recycling on occasion--
LADY: Yeah. No. Sorry.
ME: Okay. You had the number for the other guy?
LADY: Yeah. You bet.
And that was pretty much that. I'm over it now. Like I said, we were having our problems. It wasn't an ideal relationship. Besides, I've got a better plan. I'm letting Fish believe that they broke up with us because he could never remember Thursdays, and the guilt alone has prompted two weeks of whine-free garbage duty from him. I figure I can ride this for another month.
Sometimes, it pays to get dumped.
Posted by Lani at 9:09 AM | Comments (8)
January 22, 2007
Ode to Macaroni and Cheese
Thankful for Being Thankful
Since this is my last week as a guest blogger, I’ll begin by expressing my appreciation to Lani, Beth, Eileen, Alesia, Whitney & Michelle. Your invitation to guest blog has been a wonderful welcome into the most-excellent world of “published writer.”
This is my new hobby, being appreciative. It stems from the book I’m currently reading, EAT PRAY LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert. And what’s so great is that once you start thinking of things to appreciate, the feeling snowballs until suddenly, the least little thing becomes worthy of adoration. Here, I’ll show you what I mean.
1. I appreciate cordless telephones. I know most people consider the true godsend to be cell phones, but really, the cordless telephone was revolutionary.
2. I appreciate the writers of Grey’s Anatomy. I appreciate it from a TV viewer’s perspective and also from a writer’s perspective. The characters are quirky and complicated and so very flawed. Watching Grey’s Anatomy for the past few years has taught me as much about writing as has any book I’ve read. For any Grey’s fans out there, did you know that the show’s writers post their behind-the-scenes thoughts after the show airs? Thought last Thursday was sad, with George’s dad dying? Check this out: www.greyswriters.com.
3. I appreciate Trader Joe’s. For so many, many reasons.
4. I appreciate the fact that I looked out my window tonight and noticed IT WAS SNOWING! (In Tucson!) I also appreciate the fact that this is a rare occurrence.
5. I appreciate Netflix. When I think back on all the time I used to waste in the aisles of Hollywood Video, it makes me cringe. I never left that place feeling good, or smart. I always worried I’d made a wrong decision. And I hated the late fees almost as much as I hated driving out there to return unwatched movies before midnight to avoid them.
6. I appreciate google. And wikipedia. The internet(s), in general. Amazon.com, in particular. (Words don’t do these things justice -- you either get it or you don’t.)
7. I appreciate ipods and itunes and irobots and laptops and flash drives.
8. I appreciate myspace. I especially appreciate the fact that I’m thirty-nine years old and I HAVE A MYSPACE PAGE AND MOST OF MY FRIENDS DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. (the pathetic thing, though, is I’m not quite sure how to brag about it. Does it make me “hip” or “cool” or “with it” - ??? Someone please let me know.)
9. I appreciate my itty-bitty battery-operated gadget that locks my car doors. I used to think they were pretentious (certainly, some people used them pretentiously) and a perfect example of an unnecessary invention, but I’ve changed my mind. I also appreciate the fact that minivan doors prevent kids from denting the doors of other cars. (I will not, cannot, express appreciation for minivans themselves. They are neither hip nor with it nor cool and they never will be. They fall into the category of a necessary evil.)
10. I appreciate Lewis Fresnaye, to whom I assign the designation of “inventor of macaroni and cheese.” (thanks, wikipedia!) And I appreciate all who came after him, for their efforts at refinement. I enjoyed macaroni and cheese as a child. I enjoyed it as a poor college student, and I enjoy it as a mom. Before the invention of any of the other things on my list (quite possibly including snow in Tucson), there was macaroni and cheese. It’s always been there for me, both a comfort and a mainstay, in the kitchen cabinets of whatever house I’ve lived in, and I’m sure it will still have a place in my cupboards when everything I mentioned above is no longer cool, or hip, or with-it.
Congratulations to Cate Olson of Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin, and Billie Bininger of Lancaster, Ohio! As winners of the Veil of Roses drawing, you’ll be receiving a signed copy of my debut novel in the mail pretty darn soon. To further express my appreciation for entering the drawing, I’ll be sending along an extra-special treat as well (see number 10 above!).
Posted by Laura Fitzgerald at 2:01 AM | Comments (7)
January 20, 2007
Broken Vows
. . . but at least not the really important ones.
I’ve told this story here before, but since it’s vows week here at the L.C., I can’t pass up the chance to tell it again:
On the day that George and I eloped, I made him make two extra vows to me en route to the wedding chapel.
“Do we really have to over this again?” George asked, exasperated.
“Yes,” I said.
“Okay. I promise I won’t ever make you go camping,” George said.
“Good. And?” I prompted.
“And I promise I won’t ever make you move to Texas again,” he swore.
This was a key point in the marriage negotiations. We’d moved to Austin right after our graduation from law school, and I was not a fan. It’s not that Texas doesn’t have its good points . . . the Tex-Mex is out of this world. But I think you have to be a native born, as my husband is, to truly appreciate the culture.
I wasn’t. And I didn’t.
Fast forward twenty-three months, to the day when we were, against my better judgment, driving a U-Haul full of all our worldly possessions from New Orleans to our newly purchased townhouse in San Antonio, George looked over at me and said, “Hey, at least I never made you go camping!”
“Two promises!” I said. “Two! And you could only keep one?”
“Well, I’ve kept the love and honor ones, too,” George said.
Texas didn’t stick the second time around. Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say that I didn’t stick to Texas. A few years later, we moved again, this time to Florida.
But, every year on our anniversary, George likes to remind me that he’s still never taken me camping.
Hmph.
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Whitney at 6:00 AM | Comments (9)
January 19, 2007
Unwed . . .
But still makin' promises
Before I get to our theme this week, I'd like to take a second for a big woo-hoo for Ms. Alesia Holliday! Alesia's novel, Nice Girls Finish First, finalled in the Aspen Gold contest! It's not like we needed any outside validation of the fact that Alesia rocks, but hey, it's always nice!
Now, to the subject of vows. I would be the unmarried Literary Chick. Cowboy and I have not officially tied the knot although we are engaged. We have actually been engaged long enough that an acquaintance of ours has gotten divorced, remarried and had a baby since Cowboy managed to stumble out a proposal that, at first, I thought was a thank you for putting clean sheets on the bed.
Whatever.
Anyway, not really being married hasn't stopped us from making vows. Our first and foremost one is: Friends first.
Cowboy and I first met in the fall of 1980 when he had a party in his dorm room. I attended with my boyfriend at the time, met Cowboy and we ended up being buddies. We had some memorable moments together. I fondly remember the night I got a call from some poor kid across campus who didn't know what to do with a falling down drunk Cowboy. I hauled him back to his room, cleaned him up, tucked him into bed and stayed with him until he passed out, er, I mean, fell asleep.
I also remember him comforting me in the kitchen I shared with my first husband when I found out that I wasn't pregnant. It wasn't like we were planning a pregnancy then and, honestly, I knew it would have been disastrous, but I was still sad. I have no idea where Husband #1 was at that point (which goes some ways toward explaining why he isn't still my husband), but it was Cowboy who held me while I cried over the baby that wasn't.
We shared a lot of dinners, parties, movies, weddings and even a funeral over the years, but we didn't share a kiss until the year 2000. That's right, it took us twenty years to get to our first kiss.
I was terrified. First of all, it had been a while since I'd kissed anybody and even longer since I'd kissed someone new. Worse, I was terrified that by taking a chance that a wonderful friend could be even more, I was risking losing the wonderful friend.
Luckily, the whole kiss thing worked out great. Which is good because I like to spend a fair amount of time doing that. It's one of my favorite hobbies. It turns out, though, Cowboy was just as worried as I was about the whole losing a wonderful friend thing. After we were done kissing, we talked and that's when we came up with our Numero Uno Rule: Friends First.
At first, it just meant that even if things didn't work out between us romantically, we'd still be friends, but it's taken on a whole other dimension. It means that I trust that he always has my best interests in mind. It means that he knows I am always on his side. It means that he will drop everything if I need him. It means that I will always be there for him. It means that he is the first person I call with good news. It means that I am always there with a hug. I love the kissing part of our relationship and all that goes with it, but I think I will always first and foremost love our friendship.
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Eileen at 1:30 AM | Comments (7)
January 18, 2007
Marriage: endangered species?
IIt's wedding week!
Here we are in wedding vows week at the LC, and I heard on the news yesterday that for the first time in our nation's history, more adult women are unmarried than married. It's a slight margin - 51% are single (which includes divorced and widowed, for the purposes of this study). But, still, it's a big shift in the expectation that every woman is growing up holding her breath for the white wedding, the perfect groom, and 2.4 children.
On the other hand, here in Virginia, some yahoo of a politician is trying to introduce a legislative amendment that brings back that old chestnut, the "at fault" divorce. Here's a little explanation: currently, Virginia, like many states, has no-fault divorce. So a couple can actually get divorced without going through the miserable process of one of them having to publicly and legally blame the other one for something heinous that caused the marriage to end. In the old days, some couples would "choose" which of them got to be legally at fault just for the proceedings. And, really, that's what you want to splay all over court proceedings and in front of your kids, right? That Daddy's a cad or Mommy's a scum?
In my opinion, not so much. Sometimes, nobody's to blame. Sometimes, you just fall out of love with somebody you married 20 years ago when you were 18 and stupid and had different goals. Why SHOULDN'T this painful process of separation be even MORE hideously emotionally difficult, though, according to politician yahoo?
No wonder more women are staying single. To avoid dealing with this sort of thing.
I've seen so much divorce in my family and friends. And I've seen so many people choose to stay single. But, for me, there is a benefit to being married. I know that we loved each other enough to take those vows. I loved the wedding and gathering all of our family and friends together to celebrate with us. It's a ritual in a time when there aren't many rituals left to us.
But what do you think? What do you like about being married or staying single? I'm in rather an inquisitive mood, and would love to hear your insights.
Unless you're a politician.
hugs,
Alesia
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Alesia at 3:36 PM | Comments (9)
January 17, 2007
I Vow Not To Vow
Vows!
Like Lani, I don't remember the specific vows Oh Patient One and I made all those years ago, although I do remember that they involved loving, cherishing, and honoring in sickness and in health.
But here are some of the one's that we've made up as we've gone along...
Me to Oh Patient One: Okay, I'll clean the bathrooms and the kitchen, because it bothers me to have dirty bathrooms and a dirty kitchen, even if you think they're clean when they're clearly growing potatoes (Oh Patient One really doesn't see dirt).
Oh Patient One to me: I'll clear out the drawers and cupboards, and tidy up the piles of stuff, even if you think that the apartment/house is clean, therefore tidy, when it's clearly only clean (and not tidy--there's stuff all over the place!). And by the way, you love to stuff things into drawers and cupboards and someone needs to sort them out (he's right).
Sounds good to me.
Oh Patient One: I'll bring you cups of tea and make curry for you when you are under deadline. Once you have hit deadline, I will bring wine.
Me: I'll bring you cups of tea and make casseroles for you when you are under deadline (his curries are better than mine). Once you have hit deadline, I, too, will bring wine.
Oh Patient One: If one of The Teenagers asks me for something like (a) an extension to curfew, (b) a new car, or (c) something else that they know you are going to say "No" to, I will consult with you before giving an answer. Just in case you already said "No" and they are attempting to play us off against each other. Solidarity, baby!
Me: I agree. Ditto all the way, baby!
Oh Patient One and me: We should always discuss money, or lack thereof, and not make expensive commitments without mutual agreement.
Oh Patient One and me: We will share The Taking Out of The Trash.
Well, it's worked thus far...
So tell me, what works for you?
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Michelle at 1:31 PM | Comments (3)
January 16, 2007
Wedded Weeds
The vows you never knew you made... until it was too late.
I don't remember my vows. Probably because I didn't write them, and was made to recite them at 6am on a Saturday morning in The Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, Nevada. I do remember, however, that this was also the chapel where Rikki Lake was wed. And Michael Jordan. Both of whom I believe are still happily married, are they not? So, I'm feeling pretty good about that.
I didn't say "obey," though. I know that. I believe love, honor, cherish, etc, were part of the festivities, but if you held a red hot poker to my Buffy DVDs, I wouldn't swear to it. All I remember is staring up into Fish's eyes, and thinking, "I can't believe I got my period on my wedding day."
Sorry. Am I oversharing?
Anyway, the thing about vows is that you kind of make them up as you go along in marriage. Love, honor, cherish, of course. But there are the little agreements that pop up along the way that are far more interesting, and typically unspoken. Through trial and error - predominantly error - they just sprout up under our wedded feet, like weeds. For instance:
Fish has learned not to wake me up when he comes home from work late at night; I have learned not to speak to him in the morning before he's had his coffee. The children, however, seem incapable of learning either of these things, and will joyfully wake either of us up at whatever damn time they damn well please.
Fish has learned to never, even in jest, comment in any way on our girls' weight, lest my head explode and blood-red rage bleed from my ears; I have learned never to refer to anything on Fish's anatomy, no matter what it is I'm talking about, as "tiny" or "little." Thus, Fish has a big toe, three middle toes, and a less-big toe.
Fish has learned that the fastest way to end an argument is to make me laugh; I have learned that the fastest way to end an argument is to take off my shirt.
Fish has learned that usually, if he just waits long enough, eventually I'll forget why I'm mad; I have learned that... oh, wait. I forget.
Fish has learned that the best way to get me in a romantic mood is to light candles, pour me a glass of wine, and listen to me talk for a while; I've learned that the best way to get him in the mood is to say, "Hey. Ya wanna?"
So, do you have any little weeds of wisdom in your marriage? Share them here!
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Lani at 2:00 PM | Comments (7)
January 15, 2007
With This Ring, I Be Wed
It's Theme Week!
Many couples these days choose to sign a pre-nuptial agreement before they get married. In most cases, it’s a way of stating right up front who gets what in the event of a divorce. In some cases, it also serves to set some ground rules for the marriage itself. (When we take the dog for a walk, I hold the leash and you hold the pooper-scooper. )
Now, I like pre-nups. I really do. But here’s the problem: You don’t always know what’s going to drive you crazy about your mate. Furthermore, what comes across as endearing in year two of a relationship can be downright unforgiving in year fifteen. My solution? Forget the pre-nup; instead, go with a post-nup.
Last night, my husband and I met some friends for dinner. He drove, and as we arrived at the restaurant, we proceeded to drive up and down the aisles of the parking lot, looking for just the right spot. As always, I pointed out plenty of perfectly-decent spots. (“There’s a space. Or there. How about that one? WE COULD BE INSIDE BY NOW!!”) But he just kept driving, up and down, up and down. Then, he waited patiently as some eighty-year-old early-bird diner took about ten minutes to back his boat-of-a-car out of his (admittedly) prime parking spot. After my husband claimed the spot, he turned to me and said, “You’ve got to agree, I always get a good parking spot. I’m lucky that way.”
He always says that. He’s been saying it for twenty years. He calls it luck; I call it a ridiculous waste of time. Once finally inside, with the first glass of petite syrah warming my stomach, I tossed out the idea of a post-nup. It turned out to be a popular idea.
Here’s the one my husband would like for me to sign:
I, Laura Fitzgerald, understand perfectly well that taking out the garbage is not a job for men only. I further agree that when the garbage can is clearly full, I will STOP adding to it.
I agree that if a kitchen appliance is typically used once a week, the best spot for it is on the kitchen counter. I agree that the toaster, the can opener, and the blender really do belong on the counter at all times. Out of sight means out of mind, after all, and why buy an appliance if it’s just going to be put it away somewhere and forgotten about?
I agree that windows and doors will remain closed during my husband’s allergy season.
I agree that when driving together, we’ll turn on the air conditioning rather than roll down all the windows. I agree that if the sunroof breaks once on the car, I will never open it again.
I agree that when going through the car wash, I will make sure the sunroof is closed really, really tight -- especially when my husband is with me in the front seat wearing an expensive suit and has an important meeting to attend immediately upon exiting the car wash. Further, I promise to never, ever laugh in such situations, because it’s not one bit funny.
Finally, I agree that if I, Laura Fitzgerald, wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a baby crying, I will resist the urge to awaken my husband and inform him that the baby’s crying and it's his turn to take care of said baby. I won’t claim that “just because I’m a light sleeper I shouldn’t be penalized.” I understand: A sleeping husband is a happy husband.
Your turn!
This blog was brought to you by Laura's Veil of Roses, a touching story about an Iranian woman and her search for a new life in America. That and a pink bikini.
Posted by Laura Fitzgerald at 12:59 AM | Comments (4)
January 13, 2007
A little luxury goes a long way
Especially when it’s brushed into your follicles
We all have little indulgences, even notorious skinflints like me. Some people will shell out for fine wine, designer denim, fresh flowers in the family room. My personal weakness just happens to be…my hair.
Yes, I’m a little embarrassed to type that. But come on—hair is something that stays with you 24/7/365. Bad hair can put a damper on an otherwise lovely outfit, and good hair…well, that’s priceless. Just ask Mr. Tall. Every year he’s stymied as to what to get me for Christmas, but this December, I made a specific request. My life, I decided, would not be complete until I had my very own Mason Pearson hairbrush.
“Dear God,” Mr. Tall said when he noticed the price tag. “Is that thing made of platinum and unicorn hair?”
“Boar bristles,” I corrected. “My hairstylist says Mason Pearson is the very best. He says it’s the Rolls Royce of hairbrushes and I can pass it down to my grandchildren.”
“Don’t get me started on your hairstylist,” Mr. Tall said. (I also believe in splurging on cut and highlights. And deep conditioning treatments. And scalp massages.) “And passing a hairbrush on to anyone is gross and unhygienic. Also, you may have noticed that we don’t have children, let alone grandchildren.”
“Fine, then,” I said. “Go wander around the mall with all the other hapless husbands on Christmas Eve. Give my best to the clerk at the jewelry store.”
Guess what was wrapped up under the tree come Christmas morn? And you guys, it rocks. I don’t know what exactly Mason Pearson does to that boar bristle, but this brush adds volume and sleekness like nobody’s business. I feel slightly calmer and prettier every time I use it. Shallow? Perhaps. But we all need little ways to pamper ourselves in this scary, chaotic world.
So what’s your weakness? Eating out? Exotic travel? Fine chocolates? Home décor? Mani-pedis at the spa?
Posted by Beth at 10:49 PM | Comments (10)
Nostalgia
. . . and indignation.
In order to get into the teenage frame of mind to write my new teen series, GEEK HIGH (the first book will be coming out in October 2007), I took out a subscription to Seventeen magazine.
It was my favorite magazine when I was a teen. I still remember the Bonnie Bell advertisements (It’s a toner . . . and takes the itch out of bug bites!), and the prom issue, and the back to school issue, which always made me want to throw out all of my clothes and start over again with a brand spanking new wardrobe.
It’s been fun reading the magazine again, even though I’m now twenty years out of its target market. Do you know that they now use real, everyday teens, instead of professional models, to show off the clothes? How great is that?!
On the other hand, I wasn’t so taken with an article in the February issue. It was about jewelry you should try to talk your boyfriend into buying you for Valentine’s Day. And we’re not talking cute little heart earrings from Urban Outfitters. These were expensive presents . . . including a gold necklace from Tiffany’s.
My first reaction was that of a mother: If my son spends five hundred of his hard-earned dollars on a present for his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day – not even a real holiday, mind you, but a fake, Hallmark one – I’ll kill him. Then I’ll ground him forever.
And then I felt a surge of dislike toward the little tramp who would, at some point, be trying to wheedle expensive jewelry from my poor innocent son. Who the hell does she think she is, the little hussy?
And then, since my son is only three, and this really isn’t an issue I have to worry about quite yet, I started to get indignant on my own behalf.
Because when I was a teenager, and Valentine’s Day rolled around, I got some truly shitty gifts from my boyfriends. Like the fugly, gaudy fake-diamond necklace my first boyfriend bought from his mother’s Avon catalogue . . . which I then had wear to school, so as not to hurt his feelings. Or the bottle of Chanel No. 5 perfume another boyfriend got me which was so teeny-tiny, I now suspect that it was a free sample.
Where was my gold Tiffany necklace? I thought indignantly. Hell, I’ve been married for nearly eight years, and I still haven’t gotten one of those.
So what sort of gifts did your boyfriend give you get in high school? And how glad are you now that you didn't marry him? (Unless you did marry him. In which case, I'm sure he was a really, really great guy who didn't give you perfume samples for Valentine's Day.)
Posted by Whitney at 6:00 AM | Comments (7)
January 12, 2007
Baby, It's Cold Outside!
But there's nobody here, but us chickens . . .
The projected overnight low here tonight is twenty-one degrees. It may get down into the teens over the weekend. I'm pretty sure when I lived in Wisconsin, that would have qualified as a freak January heat wave. Here . . well, my news buddy just forwarded a special press release sent out by our county's public information officer on things to do (and not to do) during this EXTREME COLD WEATHER EMERGENCY!!!!
That's right. Twenty degrees overnight is AN EXTREME COLD WEATHER EMERGENCY!! The Yolo County Office of Emergency Services is warning us because "exposure to extreme cold temperature can lead to significant health issues." So, apparently, can extreme stupidity.
Therefore, we are being warned to use extra blankets (can you say "duh!"), let the pets sleep inside, have batteries around for flashlights and NOT TO BRING YOUR BARBECUE INSIDE.
My family is pretty much poor white trash, but even we wouldn't bring the barbecue inside.
But now, I have to confess my real concern. I'm worried sick about Renee the Chicken. Sissy #1 has chickens (see comment about being poor white trash above). They have one chicken, in particular, who refuses to go into the coop at night with the other chickens. Every night, when the other chickens are being herded back into their coop, Renee takes off and heads into the trees. I really can't blame her. That coop doesn't smell particularly good and, to be honest, roosters are a bunch of freaking rapists in my opinion.
We've had a lot of giggles about Renee the Renegade Chicken, especially after Cowboy started doing a clucking version of Mel Gibson's "Freedom" cry at the end of Braveheart. Now, it's not so funny. Would Renee rather die of exposure than give up her freedom? I think she might. She is, according to my niece, totally hardcore.
So, think warm thoughts for Renee this weekend. I'll let you know how it goes next week.
Posted by Eileen at 7:00 AM | Comments (11)
January 11, 2007
The New Me, Part Two
It’s all about persistence, baby!
Here we are again, at the beginning of week two of my LC Get Healthy Challenge. If you missed last week, catch up and join in the fun today!
The new me is going to work on a very important character trait: persistence. When it comes to “ences,” I’m much better at impatience. Or exuberance (okay, that’s an “ance” so sue me). Or . . . well, you get my drift.
But last week at my first meeting at WW, one of the members said something that really clicked with me: “If I’d kept with this the first time I joined, I’d be at my goal now.”
Boy, is this true for me!! I’ve lost about 5000 pounds over the last five years or so, always 5 pounds at a time. And then I go back to sedentary habits, or stress eating, and Whoops! I FOUND that five pounds!! And it brought along some friends!! Ouch.
When I started law school, I’d been out of college for a few years. So everybody thought I was nuts! “It’s THREE WHOLE YEARS!” they all said. And I kept saying, “Yeah, but I’m going to be three years older then, anyway! I may as well have this law degree I’ve always wanted when I get there!” I persevered, and it paid off for me.
But my true hero, when it comes to persistence, is my darling friend Gerri Russell. She is the ALL-TIME MOST WONDERFUL EXAMPLE of persistence in this crazy publishing business that I’ve ever heard!!!
You may not know this, but tons and tons and tons of people dream of becoming writers. Many get as far as coming up with an idea and starting to write. Most of them give up there. Some get as far as submitting to a few agents or editors, get rejected, and give up there. But Gerri turned persistence into an art form. Her PICTURE should be next to the word in the dictionary.
It took Gerri THIRTEEN YEARS to sell her book!!!!! Thirteen YEARS. Every time I think of it, I am amazed. And you know what happened to her during that time? She won a contest that is the most prestigious contest in the country for unpublished romance writers – twice!! Two Golden Heart wins, and she didn’t sell. She has SEVEN completed books, because she had persistence. She kept writing, knowing that she would succeed along the way. And the book that sold? Number five. Since then she sold book number six and is working on selling book number eight. (Oh, and in terms of our get healthy challenge, she lost something like 40 or 50 pounds when she won that second Golden Heart and looked amazing in her slinky black dress at the ceremony!)
Thirteen years. And though she had to be suffering from the pain of rejection and disappointment, she never once was anything but kind and gracious to all of us who were newbies, even people like me who sold a book quickly. I lost a few friends over that, because of professional jealousy. But Gerri was always first in line with congratulations and support. She’s a terrific writer and a terrific person, and I was thrilled to be one of the first to offer a hug at the RT convention when she got to see her brand-new book cover for the first time.
Persistence. Gerri’s a shining example of it. Go buy her book and stick it on your shelf (well, read it first, because it’s fabulous!). Whenever you think, I can’t “stick to this diet, get back on the treadmill, go for another walk, do that last ab crunch” – look at Gerri’s book and remind yourselves: THIRTEEN FREAKING YEARS. If she can do that, I can get my butt back on the elliptical!
Hey, because I love Gerri and she was kind enough to send me some autographed books because I whined in a pathetic way, I’m giving away 4 signed copies of THE WARRIOR TRAINER to four randomly chosen Lit Chicks who give me an example of your persistence in the comments. I'll announce the 4 winners tonight, in the comments, before I go to bed, so the rest of you can rush out and buy your own copy.
Thanks for sticking around for week 2!! See? We’re already showing persistence!! And March 4 is going to ROCK with a healthier us.
Hugs,
Posted by Alesia at 8:29 AM | Comments (22)
January 9, 2007
Jack who?
You know you've been playing the game too long when you're trying to think of Jack jokes and they're all dirty...
Warning: Today's blog contains mature content. And all that stuff about trying to be classier so I could live up to the standard set by my fellow LCs? Well. I'll start next week. I promise.
There's this thing that Fish does. The very moment I get on the computer, he leans over and says, "Oh, you gotta go to [insert website here]." Doesn't matter if I'm working, or trying to write an e-mail, or even surfing where I want to go, he always does this. The first few times he did it, I politely did as he asked. After that, I stated my objections and less-than-politely told him to buzz off. Now, years into this behavior that he knows makes me crazy but which he insists on doing anyway, I usually reach for something that will do damage, like a frying pan or a brick.
And yet, still, he does it.
Well, this last time... he was right.
He directed me to a game site called You Don't Know Jack. After reluctantly playing one game, I got hooked and played them all. By far, without a doubt, my favorite was this one:
There's kind of a quiet elegance to that one, don't you think? While all the euphemisms have gotten a fair amount of play at Casa de Fish lately, I'd have to say my personal favorite is Tootoot the Elephant, with Icing the Seal coming in a real close second. Well, at least now I know what to get Fish on his birthday.
The Beanie Babies. Yeesh, you people. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Posted by Lani at 6:00 AM | Comments (3)
January 8, 2007
The Slope, It Is So Slippery
What a Terrible Thing It Is, To Lose One's Ability to Rationalize
As I sit here with my creamy-rich coffee and sadly-tiny serving of Trader Joe’s chocolate chip cookies, here's the question that weighs heavily on me: Why is it so hard for me to get back to my before-kids weight?
I urge you to overlook the obvious answer (say what you will, but these cookies HONESTLY feel healthy – no trans fat and only 150 calories per serving size…but what were the Trader Joe’s folks smoking when they decided that only twelve of these little cookies equals a serving size – have they never eaten at Claim Jumper?) It must be more complex than simple “calories in” minus “energy expended.” I mean, why make things easy when they can be so much more difficult? I sudoku; therefore I am! Conspiracy theories aside, I have to blame (or credit) my highly-developed ability to rationalize.
Take a look at what went through my mind today while grocery shopping – I warn you, it ain’t pretty:
Me, to Self, on the way to the store: The best thing to do is just not bring crap into the house in the first place. That’s the only thing that would work, and I KNOW it would work. When I was growing up, we just didn’t have sweets or junk food in the house. It just wasn’t an issue. So no crap in the house….
At Sunflower Market, my first of two stops: Hmmm, pumpkin pie, Daisy’s very favorite, which she only gets when her Nana visits and makes it for her….When I was growing up, we had dessert occasionally. I remember puddings and Chips Ahoy, the occasional dish of ice cream….I’d like to tell Daisy I got this especially for her, let her know I was thinking about her, even though I wouldn't let her come with me…you know, make a deposit in that old emotional bank account that I’ll be able to draw on during the teenage years. Organic eggs, organic pumpkin – yes, I can do this and feel good about it. We shall have pumpkin pie tonight. And whipped cream, of course, we mustn’t be half-hearted about these things….Ah yes, in the next dairy case over from the whipped cream is the reason I came to Sunflower Market in the first place, for kefir. (Because Trader Joe’s is my main source of groceries, but, alas, one can seldom do all one’s shopping there.)
As I make my way to the checkout line, here is a sampling of the thirty items I pick up: grapes, apples, peppers, baby carrots, olives, sushi, tangelos (tangerines + mangos? I’ve never figured that one out), orzo, pineapple, focaccia bread, and a decent-sized bag of toffee-covered peanuts. (I’m finishing up a book this week; the toffee-covered peanuts, a particular favorite I will hide from the kids, will get me to my writing office that much sooner.) In all, per my receipt, I got thirty items, only two (well, three, counting the whipped cream) are less-than thoroughly calorically-responsible choices. That’s a 90-percent rate of healthful shopping, people!
Onward: Trader Joe’s was quick and painless. Edamame, mandarin orange chicken, three bags basmati rice. All my hormone-free dairy needs, plus blueberries, carrot juice, cherries…. and the container of the adorable little chocolate chip cookies that always beckon – how can anything so cute be harmful? AND, an entire 17-serving-size container STILL has fewer calories than one entrée at Claim Jumper, I’ll have you know, so I could eat the whole carton – which I WON’T, there are four people in the house, after all – and still come out ahead of one restaurant meal (never mind that I never go to Claim Jumper anyway…I have, three times, so it’s a fair comparison).
Driving home, this week’s conclusion: Not so bad. As long as we eat at home for every single meal this week (yeah, right, when’s the last time we’ve done that?), and as long as I fairly share everything but the toffee-covered peanuts (yeah, right, I’m alone in the house all day), and as long as I burn 500 calories on the treadmill six times this week (yeah, right, who’s got the time?) this 90 percent healthy-shopping-rate is something to be celebrated.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. I’d love to hear your clever-minded rationalizations where food and eating and grocery shopping are concerned. I’ll just pour myself another creamy-rich cup of coffee and maybe have one more serving-size of these itty-bitty cookies, and enjoy reading your comments before moving on to my writing office and my toffee-covered peanuts….Love, Laura, guest chicklet who normally nests at www.laurafitzgerald.com.
Posted by Laura Fitzgerald at 12:55 AM | Comments (6)
January 6, 2007
Love and insanity
You say po-tay-to, I say po-tah-to...
I’ve been making good use of my time this weekend, reading a 400-page book about the life and crimes of Ted Bundy. (No, I will never sleep again. Yes, I am apparently missing the piece of my frontal lobe that is responsible for impulse control and decision-making.) Anyway, what really stood out about Ted Bundy’s developmental years is how comparatively normal his childhood and adolescence were. And the only thing that noticeably set him apart from his peers when he was in his twenties was how successful he was with the ladies. Scads of bright, attractive young women considered him a great catch, and several were left heartbroken after he dumped them or refused to set a wedding date.
Of course, it’s tempting to believe that if you met a skeevy serial killer like Ted Bundy, you would immediately be suspicious and would refuse to even make eye contact. But really, who among us hasn’t made some crazy, destructive dating choices? Choices that friends and family tried to point out were an express route to Oscar-caliber drama and bleak despair? Okay, I’ll go first: (raises hand.) All I can say in my defense is I was young and the guy in question was unfairly genetically blessed. Oh, and also, I’m missing a critical piece of my frontal lobe.
Here’s what I’m dying to know: who here has ever actually HEEDED the objections of her nearest and dearest when it comes to matters of the heart?
Do you think that, now that you’re older and wiser, you would be more likely to get out of a romantic relationship if your loved ones staged a mini-intervention? Or, if it were your child who was hellbent on eloping with a shifty lout, do you think there’s a way to really get past the old argument of: “But I love heeeeim”?
You know, now that I think about it, Jane Austen explored this topic quite extensively. And that Mr. Willoughby definitely had a sinister side, to say nothing of Mr. Wickham. I shudder to think what was hidden under their floorboards. Did they have criminal profiling back in 19th century England?
Posted by Beth at 11:51 PM | Comments (7)
Wasting Time . . .
. . . and trying to pretend that my deadline doesn't really exist.
I’m in that stressful period of rewriting that George calls The Badlands, which means that I’ve been finding new and better ways to procrastinate. Thank God for the Internet. I can’t imagine what writers did before to waste time . . . they probably had to clean their houses, or something equally wretched.
Here’s a smattering of the new websites I’m hooked on:
1. Hungry Girl. This website is amazing . . . I started browsing it, and ended up spending over an hour reading all of HG’s back posts. It’s full of all sorts of fantastic diet food ideas. I’ve already ordered the GNU bars . . . and the CocoaVia bars . . . and bought the ingredients to make Yum Yum Brownie Muffins . . . and rethought my stance on fake-meat products . . .
2. Lainey’s Entertainment Update. I’m totally hooked on this site. I don’t know where this Lainey chick gets her dirt, but she seems to know everything. Or at least all of the important stuff, like what’s really going on in the Witherspoon/Philippe divorce and the machinations that are the Tom Cruise publicity machine. This is the go-to website for all of your need-to-know celebrity gossip . . . and lots of stuff you don’t need to know, but is fun to learn about anyway.
3. Mighty Goods Shopping Blog. I almost hate to look at Mighty Goods, because I don’t even know that I want need all of the things I want need until I see them here . . . and then I have to have them all. The ultimate shopping source for all sorts of fun, funky and totally hip items. Just try to control yourself.
4. IMDB. This is an oldie, but a goody, especially if – like George and I – you can’t watch a movie without obsessing over who some actor is and where you’ve seen him before. Just click, click, click over to IMDB, and voila, the knowledge is yours. For example, did you ever wonder what happened to that chick who played Madeleine Stowe's younger sister in Last of the Mohicans? Well, now you know.
So, tell me chicklets, what else is out there in the Web Wide World? And could meatless food products possibly be that good?
Posted by Whitney at 6:00 AM | Comments (5)
January 5, 2007
My iPod
My private shame. My public heartbreak.
I love my iPod. Love it, love it, love it. The sissies and my mother gave it to me for my birthday last spring and it was one of the most fabulous presents ever. I made a special library of songs that were fun to listen to while running and exercising. Every time a new song came on, I'd think, "Wow! I love this song!" and then I'd realize I'd put it on there and laugh and then start running again. Fabulous!
The key, however, was never to let anyone see what was on my special exercise library of songs. That's where the shame thing comes in.
I'm not sure if Cowboy would continue to be able to live with me if he knew I was listening to Gloria Estefan inviting me to do the Conga while bouncing around on the elliptical at the gym. I think he might have some serious revulsion issues with Irene Cara talking about what a feeling she has from Flashdance, too. I know Things One and Two would be horrified, although of course, as their mother, it's my job to horrify them.
And now for the heartbreak. Last week, I tucked my little shuffle into the waistband of my exercise tights and hopped on the elliptical and in my zeal to be thinner and heart healthy, too, sweated up such a storm that I apparently shorted the little thing out. It's dead as a doornail. I almost wept.
Now, my only good option is to borrow an iPod from Things One or Two when I go to the gym. I borrowed Thing Two's on Wednesday. While I think it's adorable that he likes Led Zeppelin that much, I don't think I can listen to much LZ at a time anymore. I'm just too old. Plus, we had to have a long discussion about the song that started with "First of all, I'd like to say f*ck off." Honestly, it's not a bad song and it's got an interesting message, but I felt it warranted discussion. Plus, I never once felt like stopping and saying, "Wow! I love this song!" I'm totally bummed and have no one to blame but my own sweaty self.
Okay. Now with that whining out of the way, I'd like to announce the winners from last week's Foot in Mouth Disease comments!
The winner is (imaginary drumroll here): Janina!
Janina, my sweet, send me and e-mail with your snail-mail address at Eileen@EileenRendahl.com and I will send you a fabulous copy of IN ONE YEAR AND OUT THE OTHER!
Posted by Eileen at 10:45 AM | Comments (9)
January 4, 2007
It’s a New Year and a New Me
Two new me(s)
Happy New Year! And welcome to BOTH of the new me(s)!! First off, I’m proud to announce that my dark side finally got to come out and play, and Alyssa (yes, she has her own name, it’s scary) is having a fabulous time! Check her out for a sneak peek at my super cool movie-style book trailer and an excerpt of the first book in her/my Warriors of Poseidon series, ATLANTIS RISING, here . Alyssa is being featured on the cover of the March issue of the Romantic Times BOOK reviews magazine, the wench. (Not that I’m bitter since I never got my own cover story, but whatever.)
The second new me is the one who’s going to get healthy and into better shape!! So it’s healthier eating and more exercise for me. The lovely and talented Navy Guy came through in the Christmas buying department and gave me this wonderful Xavix system, where I now box with Jackie Chan and run obstacle courses through the streets of Hong Kong, fighting ninjas, these days. It’s a load of fun and, as my editor said, helps work off the tension . . . Keep reading till the end of the post for my special LC new me challenge and a chance to win a copy of ATLANTIS RISING!
Speaking of working off tension . . . As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago after the cookie spectacular , my new me would include a report on the evil diet industry in America. My outrage has been building for a long time, but then I happened to have one of those straw/camel’s back moments. I read an essay by the editor of a very famous national weight loss magazine in which she said:
Nothing makes a woman feel better than looking great in her jeans.
Now, some of you may be nodding at that statement, because you have been brainwashed by the media and the fashion industry and the multi-billion-dollar diet industry, but let me break you OUT of the crazy right now and reply:
Are you, Ms. Editor, out of your FREAKING MIND?????
Okay, so I know this was a throwaway line and almost certainly does not reflect this woman’s life philosophy. But the fact that the line was in this major magazine, totally dedicated to weight loss (and buy our products, sign up for our program, give us your money), made me cringe.
Nothing makes a woman feel better than - - - LOOKING GREAT IN HER JEANS????
What about - Nothing makes a woman feel better than:
Playing with her children?
Building houses for Habitat for Humanity?
Teaching someone to read?
Caring for an elderly parent?
Achieving a long-held career goal?
Graduating from college?
Having coffee with a good friend?
Taking her dog for a walk at sunset?
Or, really, anything that has any sort of non-superficial, non-shallow, non-commercial (hey, Levis! Seven! Lee! Nothing makes us feel as good as fitting in your product! We’re brainless women!!) and even – GASP! – possibly soul-fulfilling value to our lives?
But, no. We’re women. We only aspire to look great in our jeans. Can you imagine if this were turned around? Think of a Budweiser Super Bowl commercial:
DRINK BUD LITE, BECAUSE Nothing makes a MAN feel better than FITTING IN HIS JEANS.
Yeah. That’s what I thought.
Okay, here’s the challenge: Sign up in the comments to join me on my lose weight/get healthy journey. We’ll check in periodically to see how it’s going. Anybody who stays with me faithfully, reports in with me regularly here in the comments when I talk about the healthy me challenge, and either loses 10 pounds or reaches a new fitness goal (running a mile, lifting weights, whatever your goal is) by March 4th will win an autographed copy of ATLANTIS RISING! (Up to a max of 25 copies; author’s supplies are limited. Hee.)
A new year and a new me. Or 2. And a new you. May all your resolutions be as easy to swallow as all those cookies were for me. . . .
Hugs,
Alesia, whose only resolution is to be happy
Posted by Alesia at 6:00 AM | Comments (35)
January 3, 2007
Christmas and New Year Come But Once A Year!
I love them, but thank goodness they're over (giving waistline and wallet a whole year to recover)!
Christmas and New Year Chez Cunnah featured (as I am sure it did in a lot of households) a very eaty, drinky, watch DVDs, play cards and assorted board-gamesy kind of time, and a delightful time it was, too (especially spending time with and chatting endlessly with loved ones). The Christmas turkey was cooked to perfection (put in oven on low and leave for a few hours). The New Year lamb was succulent (put in oven on low and leave for a few hours).
But now for more serious questions...
What favorite or unusual present did you get for Christmas?
Mine is....an electric toothbrush!
For years I have been saying to Oh Patient One, "I must get an electric toothbrush. They're so much more efficient than regular toothbrushes. I really must get one..." But as in the way of good intentions I never did get around to buying one. So Oh Patient One bought me one. Let's just say that I am well impressed with Tansy Toothbrush and am in danger of brushing the enamel from my teeth!
What New Year's Resolutions did you make?
I made one resolution at midnight as 2007 arrived, and this is it: throughout 2007 I am going to make one resolution per month, commencing February 1st. See, I am reasoning that in previous years it has been so hard to make lots of resolutions in January, so if I just make one per month, I will have a better chance of keeping all of the ones I want to make. Next month I will announce the first one, and so on in subsequent months, and then report on progress...
Did you make a New Year's wish?
I did. It was for peace on earth, and goodwill to all...Wishful thinking, but it can't hurt, can it?
Happy 2007 everyone!
Posted by Michelle at 11:58 AM | Comments (2)
January 2, 2007
My New Year's Resolution
One I Won't Tell My Children About.
First, let me say how excited I am to be a guest at literarychicks.com. I visit daily, as these six women provide me the one-&-only aspect of office life I miss – chatting at the water cooler before getting down to work. Reading about Beth’s (totally warranted) unfaithfulness to her hair stylist, or Whitney’s locking herself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine, gives me a sense of camaraderie and “you-go-girl” that’s missing from my otherwise pleasantly-lonely work as a writer.
And since it’s a new year and since Lani started it with her big ol’ copout of a resolution, I decided that I, too, would make only one resolution. I picked it because of a woman I know, whom I’ll call CLAUDETTE.
Claudette and I are inching our way, via one social obligation after another, toward what I hope will be a long-lasting friendship. This is Claudette: She exercises and takes her health seriously. Her clothes are well-chosen. She’s found her perfect hairstyle. She’s got a warm smile and smart eyes. She’s got a well-bred, down-home decency that I love. She’s a good conversationalist, and she’s raised three great (grown) kids with whom she’s very close. I won’t hazard a guess as to her age, but I will say she’s aging well.
Oh, and she’s petite. Like, size two petite.
Which is relevant only because it makes her next quality all the more surprising:
She’s an ass-kicker.
A glorious (slightly-bloodthirsty) ass-kicker.
Sometime in the past year, Claudette hired a personal trainer. In addition to cardio, she lifted weights and did push-ups and sit-ups and the like. All this was measured, as was her body-fat percentage and muscle mass. Tracked, plotted, charted…and posted.
As was the progress of other clients. As Claudette’s name moved higher on the list, it stopped being about toning, buffing, strengthening for her. It became a good old-fashioned ass-kicking contest.
Which she won.
Her workout partner? “I could kick his ass.”
The woman who approached Claudette as she was studying her ranking on the progress chart and mistook Claudette for a fellow-female, we’re-all-in-this-together comrade and muttered, Where’s my info? “I don’t know,” Claudette told her gleefully, “But I could kick your ass!”
And to me, after I admired her because I can’t do even five of those sissy pushups? “Well, I could kick your ass, too!”
Claudette is a gleeful, glorious ass-kicker.
I want to be one, too.
When I left the corporate world and entered the mom-of-young-children world, my aggressive side got lost, or put aside, or squelched. (Because we don’t push other children…and we share our toys…and we wait our turn…and if some snotty little kid treats us badly, we shrug and tell ourselves, That kid sure isn’t going to have many friends, now, is he???….all said in that la-dee-da tone.)
Well, I want it back, my aggressiveness.
In the months before my first pregnancy, I’d taken up racquetball and smashed my way around the court with gusto. It was fast and bruising and merciless…and I loved it. Then I got pregnant and Lani got pregnant and she suggested we take a Yoga For Pregnant Women class together. And while what happens in Rio Rancho stays in Rio Rancho, I will say that Lani back then was a candle-lighting, bubble-bath-taking, new-agey, Yanni-kind of a girl (Goodness, check him OUT: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yanni).
Lani loved the gentle stretching, the soft chanting, the spiritual visiting of our collective wombs. I clenched every muscle in my body to get through it. Quite the opposite of its purpose, that class raised my stress level exponentially. I so dreaded going that I quit after two sessions.
That’s the real me, a yoga-school dropout. And that’s OK.
This year, I resolve to embrace my aggressiveness. I will sign up for krav maga classes (military, hand-to-hand combat mixed with an aerobic workout – woo hoo!). One day, at yet another social function, I will run into Claudette and say (with a gleam in my eye), “Bring it on, girlfriend. Bring it on!”
Before I sign off, I’d like to invite you to visit my web site, www.laurafitzgerald.com, and enter my sweepstakes. If you win, you get to choose a year’s worth of books ($150 worth). How cool is that? And plus, if you don’t visit…well, I might just have to…you know….kick your ass.
Posted by Laura Fitzgerald at 6:00 AM | Comments (10)
January 1, 2007
Ringing in the New Year with Laura Fitzgerald!!!
Get out the noisemakers, this is gonna be good.
Wow. 2007. What a year '06 was, no? First of all, it was a year ago today that we announced the addition of Whitney, Beth and Eileen to this here blog, which I think was a stroke of genius. I can't even tell you all the ways in which my life is better for having these three and Alesia and Michelle as part of my daily life. I'm so incredibly grateful for them, and looking forward to another year of excitement and licking!
(I know that sounds dirty. It's really not. There's never been more innocent licking. Trust me.)
Also, now that we're into the new year, you know we must get into the inevitable talk of resolutions. I've decided to go a different way this year and make only one resolution, thus increasing my chances of sticking to it. My New Year's Resolution? No New Year's resolutions. I think I might actually keep that one. Fingers crossed.
Anyway, on this day of auld lang syne (I don't know what that means, but I think it has something to do with old friends, so I'm going with it) I'm so excited to announce our guest LC this month:
This is especially exciting for me because Laura is a good friend I met about twelve years ago (yargh - has it been that long?) when we both worked for a computer company that made financial software. (zzzzzzz) Anyway, neither of us were writers then, but we became good friends while going on business trips for nightmare projects which, to this day, I still can't think about without getting the shakes. Later, after we'd both quit, we started to write at the same time, became critique partners, got pregnant with both of our first babies within months of each other, and now here we both are - published authors! Pardon me while I struggle to contain my giggles.
Not only do Laura and I have this fantastic history, but it's such a pleasure to say, without a moment's hesitation, that even if I had never met her in my life, I would still love her book. Veil of Roses is on my all-time top ten of favorite books. It's sweet and touching and funny and just the kind of feel-good book you want to keep around for those days when you're going to need it. It's actually the kind of book you want to have multiple copies of on hand so you can give them to friends who are having sucky weeks - it's just that good. And lucky Chicklets - here's your chance to win a signed copy for your very own self! Just send us an e-mail with "Roses Are Pretty!" in the subject and your name and mailing address (any entries without them will be instantly disqualified) in the body by January 21st, then be sure to stop in for Laura's farewell blog on the 22nd when she will announce the lucky winners! Go ahead and welcome Laura in the comments, and don't ask her for any embarrassing Lani-on-a-business-trip stories. Please.
And Laura, remember - what happens in Rio Rancho stays in Rio Rancho.
Posted by Lani at 6:00 AM | Comments (3)
